Archive: Zits

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Six Chix, 7/2/18

Panel 3: “Gastroenterologist”

Dick Tracy, 7/2/18

OK, I am legit super stoked about this story, partly because I’m just sure it’s going to catch us up on the Space Coupe of Doom last seen in 2013 heading to Jupiter carrying Mysta-fabricators Dr. Sail and Dr. Ghote in the hands of the solar system’s worst pilot. But mostly I’m stoked because I remember the Chester Gould Moon stories from the late ’60’s and early ’70’s, and that shit was lit, yo. So we’re all in for a treat, at least until Sawtooth, the Green Hornet, Blackjack, one or more of the Margies, the Brush, Posie Ermine, or any of the countless other loose ends turns up again.

Sherman’s Lagoon, 7/2/18

Assuming they can get Alberto the triton snail there to both get chomping and overcome his painful awkwardness with the lady snails, Sherman and Megan are going to save the Great Barrier Reef! Responsible stewards of a complex ecosystem, or selfish hoarders of their supply of edible tourists? You be the judge!

Hey, they’re Great Whites! Maybe they can help us choke down Walt Wallet!

Spider-Man, 7/2/18

“Wow, that one guy I never heard of is really that other guy I never heard of! This changes everything!

Zits, 7/2/18

Ahem, young lady! Jack Dorsey, Richard Branson, and Elon Musk all wish to have a word with you. Mark Zuckerberg is strangely silent.


— Uncle Lumpy

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Zits, 6/24/17

Today’s Zits was originally supposed to be about Jeremy accidentally killing an endangered rhino at his summer job at the zoo, but apparently there are still editorial standards for syndicated comic strips.

Blondie, 6/24/17

Today’s Blondie was originally supposed to be about Dagwood’s visible erection, but apparently there are still editorial standards for syndicated comic strips.

Crankshaft, 6/24/17

Today’s Crankshaft was originally supposed be about Ed’s consensual watersports-centered erotic life being filmed and uploaded to the Internet without his consent, but apparently there are still editorial standards for syndicated comic strips.

Mark Trail, 6/24/17

Today’s Mark Trail is obviously setting up a reference to Lesely Joyce, the mistress at “Waterworld,” a sex dungeon for those like the Trails who enjoy occasional forays into the pissdom lifestyle. Are there still editorial standards for syndicated comic strips? We’ll find out tomorrow!

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Blondie, 5/5/16

In Chilean Spanish, a “nuco” is a nocturnal bird, like an owl. So for Mexico’s Cinco de Mayo celebration, Dag’s diner is serving up grilled Chilean owl. I would’ve gone with the sea bass.

Six Chix, 5/5/16

Somehow the passive aggression just makes the bossiness worse.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/5/16

Hutch was firstborn, for sure.

Pluggers, 5/5/16

Pluggers send their grandkids homemade porn.

Wizard of Id, 5/5/16

Yes, like the Wiz is exhausting that adorable little fart in the last panel there.

Dick Tracy, 5/5/16

Oh boy, Dick Tracy’s police state is tattooing prisoners now.

In the current thread among so, so, many, goat-goateed Notta Fallar framed Tracy by releasing a video of herself making out with Putty Puss disguised as Tracy. Bluenose Mayor Armstrong suspended him, so he called in a favor from pal Oliver Warbucks, who hired lawyer Mr. Kleen to press Tracy’s case. I was certain Mr. Kleen was going to be an intentionally ironic name for any lawyer who works in Dick Tracy (like Law and Order’s Judge Softon Crime), but nooo – he’s just some guy with a Purell® jones and apparently, a real aversion to legal work.

Zits, 5/5/16

Jeremy Duncan used to have a serious case of the hots for his guidance counselor. Farewell to adolescence, I guess. Who knows what comes next? Not him!


– Uncle Lumpy