Post Content

Judge Parker, 2/17/16

A subplot of the Derek-Sophie storyline that I haven’t been dwelling on because I’ve been super not into it has been “Oh no! Derek wants to do sex stuff!” I’m actually pretty glad that today’s strip acknowledges that, you know, teenage girls also have sexual desires! I’m also glad to see that despite her transformation from a bullied nerd into a popular cheerleader with a hot boyfriend, Sophie is still the family intellectual, unleashing her brilliant “You know, this roadie business is the only thing preventing me and Derek fucking non-stop” strategy that will keep her parents befuddled.

Gil Thorp, 2/17/16

Speaking of young love, Amazonian rugby-star-turned-basketball-goon Kenzie Hanley and former placebo abuser Max Bacon are totally an item now, everybody! Mainly I’m posting this to point out that exaggerated mid-conversation “time out” gestures are exactly what I’d expect from the amiable athlete-dorks of Milford.

Crankshaft, 2/17/16

This is kind of delightful on its own, but if you want an explanation, it’s a follow up to this strip; apparently Max intended to send his mom a pic of himself in the tub as an E-Valentine (ew?), and got mixed up. Anyway, I want to point out that the fact that he’s inexplicably clean-shaven in panel one, combined with his pinched facial expression in panel two, makes it look like he’s pooping a little beard out of his chin.

Pluggers, 2/17/16

Pluggers know that, the way they eat, they’re gonna be dead in five years, ten tops, so who really gives a shit, you know?

Post Content

Gasoline Alley, 2/16/16

“That’s crazy! How can it burn up and down? Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway? Why did our best linguists fail to fully explain the nuances of the speech patterns of Earth languages? Why did I bother with this human-shaped fleshsuit if my inky black chitinous insectoid eyes were still going to be visible after I put it on? Wait, did I say that last part out loud?”

Family Circus, 2/16/16

“Just a bunch of gross dead birds stuffed in a pie crust! Pretty weird, huh? And I’m supposed to eat that? No thanks! Hey, is anybody listening to me?”

Six Chix, 2/16/16

From the people who brought you “Ha ha, it’s funny because the fish just watched their friend die,” it’s “Ha ha, it’s funny because this lobster’s about to be boiled alive, and is just becoming aware of it!” I’m … I’m kind of worried about Six Chix, guys.

Post Content

Dick Tracy, 2/15/16

Oh hey Dick Tracy is celebrating the U.S. re-establishing diplomatic relations with Cuba by having Dick travel to Cuba, to fight crime, with a Cuban detective and also a Russian! Anyway, today they’re all suddenly talking to Enormous Cuban Wolverine-Esque guy with little explanation, who has “Dirty Action Terminate Land For” written on his chest, which is definitely a thing that makes sense. Jokes on you, “DJ,” the U.S. has extradition treaties with both Panama and Bermuda.

Slylock Fox, 2/15/16

The animals may think they’re building a new, better world without us, but they’re fooling themselves. They’re pale shadows of us. Why else do they wear our clothes, live in our cities, mimic our forms of justice? The real losers (other than the billions of human beings who were mauled to death in the opening hours of the animapocalypse) were the ones living out in the wilderness. The foxes, the mice, the cats and dogs — they had spent time living in the cities, and when they Awoke, they were on familiar ground. They probably started driving the first day. But the giraffes and the other animals out away from humanity — they could talk now, and form abstract thoughts, but that doesn’t mean they understood the new world they were expected to participate in. Look at poor Jerry. He’s not even wearing clothes. They’ve just thrown a sheet over him. He doesn’t know he’s supposed to be ashamed.

Mark Trail, 2/15/16

Mark, you’ve been trapped in this cave for maybe 30 seconds and it’s way too soon to start touting the merits of “land shrimp.” You are far too eager about all this. “Hey guys, do you know that bat guano is nature’s chocolate? And let me tell you about ‘long pig!'”

Six Chix, 2/15/16

OH GOD THEY’RE MELTING THEMSELVES

THEIR LOWER JAWS ARE MELTING RIGHT AWAY AS THEY SCREAM ENDLESSLY

WHY DO THEY KEEP DRINKING

CAN’T THEY SEE THE MUTILATED CORPSES