The Comics Curmudgeon

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Mostly Walker-Browne Monday

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Hi and Lois, 8/10/15

Oh, man, I’m so glad we get to share this most special moment between a parent and child: the moment where childish bullshit stops being humored. “Look, dad, I made a whimsical, silly thing for you, based on my limited understanding of your grown-up interests!” “Wow. Wow. This variation on golf and bowling you just made up? It’s not practical at all. It certainly doesn’t sound like much fun. And this so-called ‘rule-book’ is just four sheets of paper that you didn’t even bother stapling together. This is a God-damned disgrace, son. I’m just going to let the muscles of my hand go slack so this nonsense flops down onto the floor. It’s certainly not worth getting up and walking all the way over to the garbage can for.”

Beetle Bailey, 8/10/15

The Army has long refused to take the very real problem of Beetle Bailey’s constant physical abuse at the hands of his superior officer seriously, and I’m not sure what’s more insulting: that somebody told Beetle that they had set up a special number to report abuse when obviously no such thing exists, or that they didn’t even bother making up a fake number with the right number of digits.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/10/15

Haw haw, Doc, Snuffy’s already laughin’ at your joke, Doc, so it looks like you won’t even have to tickle him! It almost makes up for the fact that your clinic in this impoverished rural community can’t afford any actual medication!

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Depressing Sunday

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/9/15

Well, it appears that Grimm, one of the beloved title characters of the syndicated comic strip Mother Goose and Grimm, has died. RIP Grimm, 1984-2015. Looking forward to seeing what new strip is in this space tomorrow.

Beetle Bailey, 8/9/15

Meanwhile, Zero, one of the beloved ancillary characters of the syndicated comic strip Beetle Bailey, is being carried off to be devoured by birds. Nobody will mourn him and the strip will continue on as usual.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/9/15

Ha ha, you didn’t think I’d have a post called “Depressing Sunday” and not talk about Funky Winkerbean in it, did you? Anyway, the time travel situation turned out to be “just a dream,” but let’s look on the bright side: this class reunion plot began with Les being strongarmed into running it at the last minute and extremely anxious about screwing it up. Typically, that sort of setup would result in the protagonist overcoming obstacles and putting together an event that everyone enjoyed, even if things happened that were a little out of the ordinary. But nope! This is Funky Winkerbean! Les did a shitty job and now everybody hates him! This is honestly the most satisfying conclusion that I can imagine.

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First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women

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Beetle Bailey, 8/8/15

Well well, it looks like Killer’s lothario ways were just a cover for what he really does with his spare time: trains in the secret, elite force that the richest of the rich worldwide will use to dispense with the outdated notion of the nation-state and seize power directly. The coup is this weekend, and there’s nothing you or me or Sarge or anyone else can do to stop it.

Apartment 3-G, 8/8/15

If you want proof of how far Apartment 3-G has fallen, here it is: a week that began with Margo dreaming of strangling her enemy is ending with Margo apparently on the verge of punting the planning of her parents’ wedding to the waitress of her favorite diner, right after said waitress insulted wedding planners, keeping in mind that Margo is an actual professional wedding planner.

Dennis the Menace, 8/8/15

Usually the golf course echoes with shouts of fealty to Our Lord Satan. The presence of this man of the cloth prevented the Dark One from rewarding Henry’s loyalty with improved scores … today.