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Beetle Bailey, 9/22/15

I am very interested in how exactly the process in the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC writers room came together to generate this alleged humor product. “So, we’re agreed that the punchline to Tuesday’s strip should be that Otto, a dog who wears clothes and walks upright and thinks in complete sentences, will be peeing on Lt. Fuzz’s garden. Any pitches on how we punch that up a bit?” “How about if he gets a really mean face when he thinks about urinating on the flowers. Like it’s a threat.” “I like it, I like it. Do we want to make it seem just a little sexual? The pee-threat?” “Yes. Yes. Now we’re talking.”

Mary Worth, 9/22/15

I know we have a few months left, but I’m calling it now: Mary saying “Toby has many friends” with a facial expression that clearly indicates that she knows that Toby has no friends, even Mary is more than an acquaintance, really, just someone she talks to because of physical proximity, so why don’t we cut to the chase, why don’t we end this charade, human connection is impossible on this side of the veil, is definitely the panel of the year.

Shoe, 9/22/15

English is of course the international language of business and diplomacy, the equivalent of French or Latin in their heyday, so we can’t fault marginal cultures like the bird-people of Treetops for adopting it and the advantages that come with it. But still, it’s sad that, in only a few generations, they’ve completely abandoned the ancient language of birds. Do they ever look at the dusty old books of Bird-Speech, the impenetrable symbols taunting them with the reminder of their ancient cultural heritage, now lost forever?

Mark Trail, 9/22/15

Oh hey over in Mark Trail Mark is about to tangle with some bad guys in that radioactive wreck! In the close confines of that boat it’d be dangerous to actually fire his spear gun, so I guess he’s just going to stab them in the gut, one by one.

Wizard of Id, 9/22/15

Oh, did summer go by too fast for your tastes? I guess you don’t really know how to do summer! I guess you should be more like this smug cartoon wizard here!

Pluggers, 9/22/15

It takes highly advanced and extremely expensive science just to keep pluggers alive.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/21/15

Oh, man, I had forgotten that while all that corporate skullduggery was going on back in town (?), the Morgans were taking a trip out to their cabin in the country! Anyway, today’s strip is a good reminder that Rex will go to any length to avoid spending time interacting with his family, including wandering the woods for hours looking for pieces of animal-garbage.

Pluggers, 9/21/15

Pluggers love books that are so formulaic that who can tell them apart, really?

Apartment 3-G, 9/21/15

AHH WATCH OUT MARGO’S BROKEN LOOSE AND SHE’S CHARGING RIGHT AT US

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/20/15

Yeah, so, I never did keep you updated on the extremely disappointing follow-up to this strip, which was that obviously Summer isn’t throwing her mother’s precious tapes in the trash, but rather is just getting them converted to digital, and, more to the point, letting local weirdo Crazy Harry do it instead of trusting an actual professional for some reason. Anyway, local weirdo Crazy Harry watched the tapes, which I’m reasonably sure isn’t necessary for the conversion process, and so we’ve learned that Dead Lisa considered whoever was going to be married to Les 15 years after her death to be “the other woman.” Now Cayla’s going to have to watch this, probably with Les hovering behind her. This is gonna be great. This is gonna be fantastic.

Momma, 9/20/15

Considering it’s broad daylight outside, I’m assuming the bassist MaryLou just fell in love with was working at this cafe, probably on the lunch shift? It’s not even clear that he’s in the band that will be performing rock music tonight! Anyway, what I’m saying is, at least she can tell Momma that this guy has a job.