Post Content

Many funny comments this week, but this one was my top pick!

“Dolly knows that even with her bundlers she’s going to need to rely on soft money if she has any hope of unseating the incumbent Thel, who has a hefty war chest and the support of the high-waisted slacks lobby. Pretty sure this conversation with Jeffy qualifies as illegal coordination of campaign activity, though.” –Shoe Substitute

And yet I mentioned the many other funny ones, didn’t I? Here they are!

“I can already see the headlines: BILLIONAIRE POWER-COUPLE FOUND DEAD AT RANCH OF APPARENT HEART ATTACKS! RANCH OWNER TO INHERIT ENTIRE FORTUNE! ‘NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THAT AT ALL’, SAY POLICE!” –pugfuggly

“Don’t worry, Max will have his revenge. Judging from the strange angle and lack of diffusion or flickering, that’s not really Max’s shadow — it’s a hell-dimension ghost-demon that will make sure ‘every word’ of Max’s story comes true tonight.” –BigTed

“I love the last panel of today’s Mary Worth, to the point that I wouldn’t mind seeing it as part of every strip from now on. There’s something comforting about the thought that no matter where you are, no matter what’s happening, somewhere, someone’s taking a ride in a hot air balloon and thoroughly enjoying themself.” –Enlong

“I may not know much about art, but I know it isn’t drawing hydroencephalitic five year olds that look like Newt Gingrich.” –Mikey

“Whoa, there, Voiceover Box! BETTER SWITCH TO DECAF!” –boojum

“I still insist that Sarah is not a child at all but rather folksy NPR humorist Garrison Keillor in a very bad wig.” –Joe Blevins

“Speaking of leadership, when do I get to be the Phantom? Do I have to kill you?” –Liam

“I saw the Rex Morgan strip right after the Judge Parker one and was confused/outraged that there were two of the same stupid soap strips in one day. I’m pretty convinced that despite the two separate ‘storylines’ they’re really just the same bland rich white people who never actually have to do the jobs in their titles. I’ve only devoted enough space in my brain for unholy hybrid Rex Parker, JD, and I’m comfortable with that.” –Revenge of Chestnut

“This whole thing is starting to make my HEAD hurt! But not as much as my arm right now. Dear God, how am I doing this?” –Jack loves comics

“‘This whole thing is starting to make my head hurt!’ Well, tough luck, Spidey. That blanket is staying modestly clutched about MJ’s clavicle until you answer her riddles three.” –Tonya

“There’s a fantastic place I want us to check out! It’s called a barn. Do you like eggs? Ever tried ’em raw? How about sucking milk straight from a cow’s udder? Since we’ve been apart I’ve totally gotten into the whole locavore thing.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I’m pretty sure Sarah’s neck is getting narrower with each passing day. Apparently her oversized head is devouring the rest of her body.” –dmsilev

“As a three-year old I was chased by a homicidal flock of geese for no reason at all, so ‘aaah geese’ is the first line in Mark Trail I can truly relate to.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“Evil? I’m coming, Gabby! But to be honest, you had me at ‘dangerous.'” –Hogenmogen

“That was so exciting my human skin mask almost came off!” –TheDiva

“‘Monies’? Prithee, methinks Dolly hath been left in front of Shakespeare ’pon the television.” –Horace Boon

“Someone needs to splice the hot air balloon that’s carrying boring ex-cop #1 (female) and boring ex-cop #2 (male) from Monday’s Mary Worth into the last panel of today’s Mark Trail. We could all then imagine, with joy and satisfaction, the last words of the boring ex-cops as ‘Aahhh! Geese!’ as their anserine assaulters take down the hot air balloon in a welter of blood, feathers, and flame.” –Voshkod

“There’s some serious ‘Check these out!’/’Oh, I am’ action going in panel three, which Dashell is totally missing.” –Pozzo

“I’m not in the movie business, but isn’t it traditional for the actress and the stunt double to have the same colored hair?” –But What Do I Know

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Post Content

Spider-Man, 5/15/15

In a world where superheroes are real, would superhero-themed movies and comics be as popular as they are in our sadly superhero-free world? I’m sure this theme has been explored numerous times in various comic series (the subplot in Watchmen involving the popularity of pirate-themed comic books in a world full of costumed vigilantes to mind), but in Newspaper Spider-Man, it seems that superhero films are small but profitable direct-to-DVD flicks rather than billion-dollar tentpoles that studios build their release calendar around. The fact that superheroes themselves work in said films as stuntpersons is an interesting twist, and a telling statement on the economics of crime-fighting. At least Mary Jane actually has a stunt double this time around; remember, in the first Marvella, they shot a fight scene by just having her and her main antagonist actually beat the crap out of each other in a single, unmic’d take.

Beetle Bailey, 5/15/15

This fairly shocking image of a heap of mangled corpses of enlisted men at the bottom of a ravine, sent there by the careless mistake of a feckless officer, is a brutal indictment of the way the safe, insulated ruling classes worldwide use the bodies of the poor to advance their own inter — wait, what’s that? This is Beetle Bailey? Never mind, that can’t be what’s happening here. Ha ha, it’s funny because Lt. Fuzz is bad at giving orders!

Six Chix, 5/15/15

Thanks for the warning, lady, but just look at the tiny, tiny leggings your elder is about to try on. She was dancing at Studio 54 in skintight pants when you were still in diapers, so don’t you complain to her about fashion!

Post Content

Apartment 3-G, 5/14/15

So Gabriella’s dead mom came back, turning Gabriella’s white hair black with shock, and told her … that her house was evil, or maybe Diane told her, who can say, but the important thing is that Martin’s reaction to this news is 100% hilarious. First of all, Martin’s profession, as near as I can tell, is “generic rich businessman,” so his assurance that he personally inspected their home is not particularly reassuring. “I inspected every inch of that house myself, Gabby. There are no wasteful structural redundancies or safety features that I could see. It’s extremely cost-efficient!” Then there’s his smug expression in panel two. “Heh heh, seems my beloved fiancée has been whipped into a terrified anxiety frenzy. There’s no way this won’t be a laugh riot! I gotta see this in person!”

Mark Trail, 5/14/15

So, yes, the chain of problem-solving so far has been very simple: we get fire to get rid of the beetles, and then we get the helicopters to get rid of the fire, and then we get the geese to get rid of the helicopters. Who are we going to get to get rid of the geese, though? Beavers? Do beavers eat geese?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/14/15

Yes, Sarah is an amoral creepazoid child-adult, but she’s just so cheerful about everything that I have a hard time really disliking her. “Oh, know that! I also write about how pictures make you happy or sad. Feelings, right? Feelings are things that the humans have?”

Mary Worth, 5/14/15

Today’s unsung Mary Worth hero is the guy staring down into the basket of this hot air balloon. “Christ, what a mess! I can’t believe they left this for me to clean up. What did those two do up there?”

Family Circus, 5/14/15

Thanks to all those pamphlets Daddy keeps leaving around the house, Dolly knows that fiat money inflates away the wealth of industrious savers, while specie retains its value!