Post Content

Mark Trail, 5/25/15

Oh whoops, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on all the Mark Trail action, but trust me when I tell you that after this terrifying helicopter crash everything went fine and the fire was put out by helpful forest rangers and nobody died, boooooring. Anyway, today I certainly hope we’re being introduced to a new recurring character or maybe even the star of his own spin-off strip: Cheerful Suspenders-Wearing Forest Firefighter Guy! Audiences love it when he flashes a crooked grin, tips his helmet, and delivers his beloved catchphrase: “The crew has the fire under control! HA-cha-cha!”

Judge Parker, 5/25/15

Speaking of people tipping their helmet in a courtly fashion, looks like there’s a new hunky he-hunk in town to vie for Neddy’s affection! Sure, she has a sort-of boyfriend who’s in Hong Kong and who’s supposed to be coming back to Spencer-Driverburg … tomorrow? Tomorrow in strip time? Tomorrow’s a long way off in Judge Parker chronology (about eight to fourteen weeks, by my estimate), so Neddy will have lots of time to contemplate Hank’s muscled forearms and cleft chin and the fact that he works for her so she is allowed to choose him for sexual services, in accordance with Spencer law. Also, isn’t Neddy Neddy’s designer? Like, the whole point of this operation is to manufacture the clothes she … designs, right? Never mind, though, look at that boyishly tousled hair, this guy can design whatever he wants, knowwhatimean??? (I mean sex, he can design sex, with Neddy.)

Crankshaft, 5/25/15

And speaking of crooked grins, I know that lopsided sarcasm-smirks are the Funkyverse’s dominant facial expression, but maybe don’t put one on someone who you’re drawing in semi-realistic closeup? Because otherwise it just kinda looks like they’ve had a terrible facial injury that’s mostly sealed up their mouth with scar tissue, dear God.

Mary Worth, 5/25/15

“Three things! I did three things for you! I took you to a restaurant. A restaurant! Now just tell me, if I were a truck, would you report me for veering wildly across multiple lanes of traffic, or would you have sex with me? I need to know!”

Hagar the Horrible, 5/25/15

Hagar definitely stabbed that guy with his sword between panels two and three, right? Stabbed him to death? Stabbed him to death and took his pizza?

Post Content

Panels from Beetle Bailey, 5/24/15

Usually the best thing you can say about the art in Beetle Bailey is that it’s serviceably cartoonish, but I think something subtle and interesting is going on here today’s strip, which invades the dreams of a number of Camp Swampy denizens. General Halftrack imagines receiving an award from some generic civilian dignitary; though the achievement is obviously above his real-world capabilities, his dream-self remains identical to what we know of reality. In Lt. Fuzz’s dream, though, he’s being given an award from — who? We all know that Halftrack is the lucky focus of his monomaniacal sycophancy, so we have to assume that this figure represents the General. But his mustache is less fluffy, his face more dignified. Does Fuzz dream not just of recognition from his boss, but recognition from a better version of his boss? Is his world so sad that he can’t conceive of a Halftrack-less life, and at best can imagine only incremental improvements?

Marvin, 5/24/15

If some member of the Miller clan were to be the ultimate cause of humanity’s fiery atomic extinction, I would’ve assumed that it’d be Marvin. But as long as the hated hell-infant is vaporized by dozens of converging Russian ICBMs, I’m not really going to quibble about the process.

Post Content

Crankshaft, 5/23/15

Philosophical question for you: if you derive joy from seeing Crankshaft so emotionally devastated that he’s thrown a towel over his head so that nobody can see him sobbing uncontrollably, are you as bad as Crankshaft? Asking for a friend.

Mary Worth, 5/23/15

“For instance, we’re probably too old to have children, but that doesn’t mean we can’t nurture this horrifying stuffed dog I won for you at the fair! We’ll treat like it’s our very own and force all our friends to stare into its uncanny face, and won’t even have to pay to send it to college!”

Slylock Fox, 5/23/15

Speaking of uncanny faces, check out these cats! Which two are exactly alike? Why not examine them intently until you can figure it out, or until you pass out while sweating and crying uncontrollably, whichever comes first?