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Mary Worth, 4/15/15

Nice to see that the “Adam is a stalker who just straight-up moved into his ex’s apartment complex without telling her to woo her back” aspect of this storyline hasn’t been dropped! Adam has room for only one creepy, all-consuming emotional attachment in his life at a time, people. Now that he’s physically incapable of foiling the many, many assassination attempts against Congressman McDugal, all that energy will be directed at loving Terry with a laser-focused, un-asked-for intensity that makes all other loves look like a pile of hot garbage by comparison. BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE LOVING, TERRY.

Phantom, 4/15/15

So it looks like the Phantom’s long bout of amnesia is finally going to be cured by … hearing a bunch of people say “walker”? As in “Ghost-Who-Walks?” This just makes Bangalla’s outdated state-run television service’s failure to acquire rights to AMC’s hit show The Walking Dead all the more tragic.

Beetle Bailey, 4/15/15

Not one crude drawing of a woman must be allowed to remain unsexualized! Not on Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industry LLC’s watch!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/15/15

Surely Cuzzin Irvin is aware that he (or at least his cuzzin) lives in an enclave of violent anti-government extremists? This is like one of those tragic stories where someone who happens to like wearing blue bandanas wanders into the wrong gang’s territory.

Herb and Jamaal, 4/15/15

“And none of us ever saw him again.”

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Pluggers, 4/14/15

This panel isn’t quite as in-your-face as all-time Depressing Pluggers Classics like “Rhino Man Hocks His TV” and “Kangaroo Woman Is At The Emotional Breaking Point”, but in its own low-key way it’s pretty fantastic. We used to build things in this country, you see; we used to work on loud factory floors where we could talk and whistle and laugh over the sounds of the machines, and nobody would complain. Now we tuck our polo shirts into our khakis and work in cube farms that are quiet as the grave, where we stare silently at our screens all day and when we’re done with that, we just look at the screens on our damn phones, and we put little jokey jokes up on Twitter, as if that means anything to anybody, anywhere.

Crankshaft, 4/14/15

I love how genuinely and innocently surprised Ralph looks in the second panel. “Wait, I could do that? Why, that would be much easier!”

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Slylock Fox, 4/13/15

Once again, Slylock has used simple and fairly obvious animal science facts to catch a criminal! Frogs have no hair, you see, so any frog in a hair salon must by definition be a criminal on the lam! Frogs also must keep their skin moist in order to breathe through it, so any frog willing to sit under a hair dryer must be suicidal. The shoplifting, the bad behavior — they’re just a cry for help.

Mark Trail, 4/13/15

It’s a good thing your tree-bug problem happened to come to light in April, Wally, because the other 11 months a year the Department of Agriculture wouldn’t have done shit for you! It’s also a good thing that the purveyors of specialized pornography who previously owned the hungrypests.com site let their domain registration lapse so this excellent URL could be used for socially constructive purposes.

Family Circus, 4/13/15

The sad facial expressions of the Keane parents are always my favorite things about the Family Circus. “Welp,” Big Daddy Keane thinks mournfully today, “looks like I raised a Communist.”