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Apartment 3-G, 6/4/15

Hey, remember Mike Downey, the manager of the hotel where Martin lives who practically runs the place, and who, when he first met Lu Ann, thought she was Martin’s much younger mistress, or maybe a prostitute? Well, they’re totally gonna date now! Haha, it’s the classic movie thing where first they hate each other and then they love each other, if by “hate” you mean “he held her in contempt due to his assumptions about her sexual choices” and “love” you mean “he wants to have sex with her and she’ll probably go along with it for some reason.”

Momma, 6/4/15

Wow, who knew that we had misunderstood German calls for Lebensraum in the ’30s? It didn’t mean that the Master Race wanted to purge the steppe of Untermenschen; no, they just needed to get a little space between them and their nagging wives, amiright fellas? Also, Momma is of course long-widowed, but her dialogue in panel one makes it seem like she’s part of the club of women whose husbands are avoiding them. Perhaps death is the ultimate fake business trip where you’re secretly cheating on your wife? Makes you think.

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Beetle Bailey, 6/3/15

Hey, remember back in the ’90s, when General Halftrack got sent to sensitivity training due to his nonstop sexual harassment of Miss Buxley? Well, you’d think they would’ve covered the fact that inviting an underling who you want to sleep with to a social “group outing” that when she shows up turns out to just be for the two of you is a classic harasser move.

Phantom, 6/3/15

The Phantom seems to have some interesting priorities when it comes to stealth. He cares enough about it to hang around in full Phantom disguise gear in friend’s dark apartment; on the other hand, he’s just going to casually pick up his friend’s landline and make a call to his kids’ satellite jungle phone, which will presumably (a) be quite expensive and (b) leave a paper trail on his friend’s phone bill. (Also, I’m assuming that “friend” here is a euphemism for “criminal I plan to intimidate by lurking in his darkened apartment until he arrives home,” which is all the more reason he shouldn’t be gabbing on the phone when the dude gets there, probably.)

Gil Thorp, 6/3/15

“Did I know what with the who now? C’mon, I thought I had weeks until the part of the season where I had to pay attention to things!”

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/2/15

The current Funky Winkerbean storyline has involved Les being reluctantly drafted into helping run his graduating class’s high school reunion, and it’s been duller than most, but I’m kind of intrigued that any work at all has to go into contacting Westview High graduates, since one of the running themes of the strip is that nobody ever escapes the black hole of doom that is this horrible hell-town. I guess some people do? And they’re never spoken about aloud? Because it’s too depressing to imagine that you could leave but then for some reason don’t? Anyway, today we learn that everyone Les graduated with has a Facebook account but him, and I certainly hope they use their social networking time to all talk to each other about what a gloomy and yet somehow also insufferably smug ass he is.

Apartment 3-G, 6/2/15

Haha, I’m loving this out-of-nowhere slam on current James Bond director Sam Mendes. “He’s the worst kind of hack! You tell him American Beauty was the crappiest Best Picture winner in the last twenty years! Worse than Crash, d’you hear me? Worse than Crash!”