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Herb and Jamaal, 5/21/14

Or you could blame the way that, over the last 75 years or so and without anyone exactly intending it to happen, a set of institutions that had for centuries existed mainly as intellectual finishing schools and networking opportunities for the elite were transformed into producers of the credentials necessary for just about anyone to enter the modern economy, despite the lack of a fundamental transformation of how they work, with any number of unintended negative consequences (out-of-control student debt being at the top of the list). But, sure, use this as an opportunity to work out your frustrations about your dad, whatever.

Apartment 3-G, 5/21/14

It looks like one of Jack’s ex-thralls has wandered back onto the compound to make fun of his current victim! I also really hope Carol is kidding, though; they’ve been talking for at least five minutes, so clearly she should’ve figured out by now that Tommie’s incapable of feeling “love” or indeed any other emotion stronger than mild distress.

Slylock Fox, 5/21/14

5) Do whales engage in forbidden, perverted encounters with fish, despite the fact that cetaceans and fish are from completely different taxonomic classes with radically different reproductive cycles, and their superficial physical similarities are entirely the result of convergent evolution? Absolutely true!

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Beetle Bailey, 5/20/14

Could it be that Beetle Bailey is trying, in its own weird, aimless way, to come to terms with the increasingly mechanized nature of modern warfare, in which modern soldiers are being replaced by drones and other machinery? Does Corporal Yo’s non-functional Beetle-bot represent a yearning for the days when at least human exhaustion could put the brakes on endless, merciless war? Whatever the larger significance, I think we can all agree that the best part about this robot is that nobody’s attempting to have sex with it.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/20/14

Haha, it’s funny because this lady just washed the floors, and they’re about to be covered with the blood and viscera of everyone she’s ever known and loved!

Mary Worth, 5/20/14

GOD DAMN IT TOMMY YOU GOD DAMN SELL-OUT

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU CUT YOUR HAIR

AND WHERE DID YOU GET THAT STUPID SHIRT

FUCKING PATHETIC

“OH BUT I’M WEARING WHITE LIPSTICK, IT’S SUPER PUNK ROCK”

BULLSHIT, YOU’RE GOING TO WIPE IT OFF RIGHT BEFORE THE INTERVIEW AND YOU KNOW IT

I’M COMPLETELY DISGUSTED HERE

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Funky Winkerbean, 5/19/14

Oh, goodie, we’re back to the plot about how Les is struggling to write the script for the made-for-basic-cable version of the story of his dead wife dying of cancer! You might be forgiven for reading this and thinking that he’s just sent the script off to agents unsolicited or something. But no, he was already paid a great deal for it before he wrote it, and then he felt pretty good about writing some truly atrocious dialogue, and then he found Lisa’s diary so that he could write it even better. I guess he’s mostly mad because nobody is holding his hand and telling him how great he is? Anyway, I don’t know if I would have picked the imaginary talking cat that represents Les’s depression as the Funky Winkerbean character that would eventually start saying what we’re all thinking, but now that’s happened I’m 100% in favor.

Pluggers, 5/19/14

I normally don’t find the art in Pluggers particularly expressive, but I’m quite enjoying the terrified looks on the faces of our plugger-couple in today’s panel. “Oh … oh God. Death is coming for us. It’s coming. There’s no escape.”

Heathcliff, 5/19/14

Haha, it’s funny because the parrot thinks that the institutions of the modern bureaucratic state have an interest in maintaining its health and well-being! (Spoiler alert: the institutions of the modern bureaucratic state have no such interests.)