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Thank you all for being so kind to Uncle Lumpy — and for being so kind to me in the hugely successful spring fundraiser! I’ll be contacting everyone individually over the next week to thank you and find out where I should be sending your rewards. But a big thank you to all now. Some Monday comics will appear later this afternoon, but until then, what better thanks could you get than a tasty comment of the week?

“This Pluggers is either extremely meta or utterly oblivious, and the fact that I can’t decide which spooks me the hell out.” –Fillmore East

And the hilarious runners up!

“Of course a Winkerbean is smoking outside. That’s what happens when you expose them to the light of day.” –Droopy Says

Apartment 3-G: “We need to talk. You’ve actually worked here a total of three days in the past two years, and now you show up stinking of deer shit and grief. It’s got to stop!” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“I’m sorry, Tommie, but you’re only human. Unlike me, the incredible GOATWOMAN!” –pugfuggly

“Spiderman: ‘I’m here to save you!’ Worker: ‘Dude, we’re just filming a commercial for crazy glue!'” –hogenmogen

“Luann’s measure of a close relationship is how well she can exploit it.” –TheDiva

“Next season on Marvinpiece Theatre: ‘Gruppenfuhrer Marvin and His Wacky Stormpoopers.’” –Pozzo

“I think this is the foundation for the old expression, ‘He screwed the pooch.’” –Dennis Jimenez

“Next on Marvin: 12 Years a Toddler” –Nuklhd

“If you buy the Judge Parker Blooper Reel you can see how many times the actors cracked up after the line, ‘Sorry, Flaco, I jerked on the stick.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Retro things are cool; retro people are pluggers.” –Baka Gaijin

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Apartment 3-G, 3/23/14 (panels)

“Listen, you idiot! I have found a need to fill: as a nurse, at this hospital! In fact, I think I’ll take your job, since it’s so obviously vacant! Sheesh, who do you think I am — Lu Ann?”

Dick Tracy, 3/23/14

When Chester Gould launched Dick Tracy in the 1930’s, newspaper comic strips were a big deal. Like reality TV today, comics had prima-donnas, feuds, alliances, bitter contract disputes, knockoffs, parodies, the whole megillah. One of the best parodies was Al Capp’s Fearless Fosdick comic inside his own L’il Abner. Fosdick “ran” from 1942 through 1977 and spun off comic books, TV shows, endorsements (Wildroot Cream-Oil), jazz compositions, and toys. And here it is again, reparodied in its own source as “J. Straightedge Trustworthy” by in-strip cartoonist Vera Alldid. Wheels within wheels.

Anyway, I hope that Dick Tracy tries to recreate the entire 1930’s comic-strip ecosystem, especially if it makes good on the hint in panel 2 there.

Hi and Lois, 3/23/14

Hi and Lois entertains the Boomer fantasy that their nostalgia represents the apex of culture, but has the wisdom not to push it.

Mary Worth, 3/23/14 (panel)

“Gee whiz, weed and booze are already taken …. I guess it’s meth for me, then!”

Time for me to toddle off into that good night: Josh will be back Monday with your Comments of the Week and brand-new comics snark. Thank you for the wonderful response to the fundraiser, and for a fun week!

— Uncle Lumpy

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So ends the Comics Curmudgeon Spring 2014 Fundraiser! Thanks, generous readers one and all!

Phantom, 3/22/14

Oh hey it’s time for Uncle Lumpy Reads Comics that Even Josh Won’t Read, So Nobody Has To Except for Poor Sad Me, a regular feature. Spunky reporter Lara Bell recruited lowlife adventurer Rick Grubber to take her into the Deep Woods, where they were set upon by the Bandar and brought to the Phantom at his Skull Cave. Phantom gave Lara an interminable tour of his Treasure Rooms, interspersed with braggy vignettes illustrating his complete awesomeness and coy little asides to Guran about how they were going to amnesiate Rick and Lara using Powerful Bandar Medicine®.

So Lara got all “You’re so hot, let us wed!” but the Phantom was like “Nuh uh I’m all married ‘n’ stuff”, and that night Grubber tried to steal stuff but it wasn’t even the right stuff and [WHOOSH!] the bush pilot went back to Bangalla and surrendered to the Jungle Patrol, and the mysterious aeronaut reappeared in his balloon to thank the Phantom for saving his descendants.

I feel much better, somehow.

Dennis the Menace, 3/22/14

Oh, Dennis – I knew Buckaroo Banzai. Buckaroo Banzai was a friend of mine. And you, kid, are no Buckaroo Banzai.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/22/14

Oh look – wordplay. “I wasn’t making a considerate comment about my father’s condition. I was making a commonplace observation about my own reaction to it. Um, ha ha, see?”

Judge Parker, 3/22/14

Ooh, we’re in the lair of the Hat Guys, Flico and Flaco. Flico jerked on the stick and spilled his drone upon the ground, so now he and Flaco will have to make contact up close and personal at the party tonight. They’ll probably run into Randy, who will chat them up for hours waiting in vain for his bribe.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/22/14

If you won’t listen to your own daughter, Rex, your readers would like a word with you.

— Uncle Lumpy