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Family Circus, 3/10/13

Good morning, America! Are you feeling a little … discombobulated? Like you didn’t get enough sleep? That’s because you’re under the boot heel of the United Nations and their one-world “Daylight Savings Time” plot. Most Americans are like the kids at the top of this panel, trudging off to another grey day in the grip of New World Order chrono-tyranny. Only those citizens in the few remaining freedom-loving states and insular areas are like the kids at the bottom, skipping and dancing in the bright light of liberty.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/10/13

I know it’s hard to tell, but Les seems even smugger than usual about whatever bit of judicial activism has Crazy Harry so worked up. “Roberts and his cronies just said that, under the Constitution’s right to privacy, a man remains married to his sainted dead wife’s ghost even when he marries another living woman! It’s not natural, I tell ya!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/10/13

Soooo … Snuffy is going to die from taking too many or not enough pills, I guess?

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Mark Trail, 3/9/13

OK, fine, I’ve been ignoring it all week, but yes, Rusty was snooping around Rod Bassy’s van and saw the cheating-at-fishing equipment and got caught and now has been tied up, and, I mean, it’s hilarious and all but it’s not exactly a surprise, is it? The best part here is that Rod Bassy is reacting to the fact that his friend/accomplice Catfish has, you know, forcibly kidnapped a child with irritation that this will complicate his plan to rig the outcome of yet another bass fishing tournament, rather than with mounting panic and despair a là William H. Macy in Fargo. I mean, really, the tied-up little boy is in a van with Rod’s name painted in enormous letters on the side! You know, there’s a reason child kidnappers usually use vehicles without distinguishing marks.

Mary Worth, 3/9/13

Carlos Alora is the Charterstone groundskeeper and he hasn’t been seen in years, like, not since I started reading this strip in 2002 or thereabouts. Now they’re misspelling his name, which is more insulting than just dropping him down the memory hole. JUSTICE FOR CARLOS! WE CAN HEAR THE DOUBLE L WHEN YOU PRONOUNCE IT, MARY!

Shoe, 3/9/13

Man, can you believe it’s been four years since the rebooted Star Trek movie came out? Which means it’s probably been about three and a half years that Shoe’s been sitting on this joke, but now at last it’s relevant! Wasn’t it worth the wait? (No, no it wasn’t.)

Six Chix, 3/9/13

“Good lord, that was a filthy fuckfest, in every sense of the word! I had sex with a lot of men that weekend, but your father was the only one whose name I learned. Of course, that was only after we had done it five or six times. Hey, where are you going?”

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It’s Friday! It’s the comment of the week! Let’s enjoy!

“Holy flashback. Is that the first and only time Sam’s lost money?” –Dood

And the runners up! Very funny!

“At today’s Big-Bass Fishing Tournament, spectators were horrified when angler Rod Bassy produced an unidentifiable creature during the end-of-day weigh-in. According to witnesses, the creature was wearing clothes and was about the size of a 10-year-old boy, but it was clearly not human in form. ‘It was terrible,’ said fishing fan Jeffrey Watcher. ‘Those bulging eyes and that misshapen face. I can’t get it out of my mind.’ Tournament authorities are currently debating whether to allow Bassy to claim the creature as a fish.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“Convinced that Mary Worth is a soup opera strip, Toby tries to get the plot back on track.” –Uncle Lumpy

“I only enjoy things I can eat, ride, or read! See, I just read this dog’s body language; he wanted a Ritz! And he’ll still be good for two other things!” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Cathy knew Evan wasn’t clean, and was covering for him.’ Um, isn’t that what publicists are supposed to do?” –giraffe-o

“We’ll have to interrupt this discussion of wealth accumulation — it’s time to give the dog Communion.” –Pozzo

“I have a feeling that this will be both the worst and most under promoted James Bond movie ever.” –Marc

“Proves how stupid I am. I thought the ‘punchline’ in Pluggers today would be something like ‘Pluggers haven’t watched television since 1978.'” –Gary

“Rusty would never go somewhere without tweeting about it … Oh here it is … @Rusty1987 became the mayor of Rod Bassy’s van on 4square.” –revenge4Aldo

“I’m intrigued by Kingpin’s vast cravat. Does he even try to tie a knot in that thing, or does he just tuck a tablecloth into his shirt collar and hold it in place with a big diamond? Or is that just his shirt? Or … dear god … Is that his skin?!” –lorne

“I really want to see a chalkboard with a long scientific equation that solves to a picture of Daredevil and Spider-Man with Xs where their eyes should be.” –Daniel

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