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I’M BACK, EVERYBODY! Let’s give Uncle Lumpy a very large hand for helping out in my absence! He says you’ve been good, so you’ll be rewarded with … my return? Sorry, that’s the best I can do. Oh, you’re also rewarded with this week’s slightly belated comment of the week!

“I’m thinking the skunk will become so smitten by Sam’s good looks and honest, noble character, it will spontaneously learn to squirt precious ambergris and Fabergé eggs from its anal glands. Of course, it will still cover Avery with plain old skunk stink.” — Perky Bird

And the runners up! Very funny!

Funky Winkerbean — “Well, how do we know Power Girl #18 won’t stain herself? Maybe that’s one of Power Girl’s powers, self-staining. I mean, powers can’t be all super-speed and flight and stretchiness and spider-web shooting and invisibility and green rings and utility belts and cool stuff like that. Maybe some are, you know, just embarrassing.” — Ian Beste

“What a change in mood between panels three and seven. They all look happy enough watching the news about the Italian Ship Disaster, and then it’s all revulsion and dismay when they remember that Wilbur and Dawn are coming back.” — Joe Btfsplk

“Of course under federal law, he must replace [his Levi’s tag] with a Wide Load banner and a Slow Moving Vehicle triangle….” — Dennis Jimenez

Free Microsoft Office 2010 [spam] — “Well, I suppose I’m willing to sign a petition asking for a new trial, but I absolutely refuse to bake Microsoft a cake with a file in it.” — Shrug

Curtis — “Somewhere, a couple of dozen Secret Service agents are passing a bong and watching MST3K reruns.” — Artist formerly known as Ben

“You don’t hit on the underaged caddy, you try to hustle the beer wench, who not only is at least 21 years old, but also shows some cleavage and is openly flirtatious, although both are in hopes you’ll tip her a buck on a $2.75 Bud Light. Steve has a lot to learn about golf.” — cheech wizard

“‘Leroy Lockhorn still gets invited to a lot of parties.’ I assume he has the best weed.” — Tom T.

“The EVIL GAME WARDEN realized that he could use Rusty as bait. These schemes work best if one does not tell the bait that it is bait. This could be the first time Rusty has been somebody’s chum.” — Dale

“Thel is angry that her daughter knows about stuck zippers. There will be a harlot stoning in the Keane Kompound backyard tonight.” — Zerowolf

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • I Could Pee on This and Other Poems by Cats by Francesco Marciuliano: For eons cats have strived to express their thoughts and feelings through body language, plaintive meowing, and a filmmaking style known as “fallen camera nudged across floor until forgotten or smeared with saliva.” But now thanks to the stirring power of poetry they can finally share what it truly means to be a cat.

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Pluggers, 8/26/12

The bear-man pays the dog-man for savory chunks of the pig-man, sparing a few coins for the orphans of his meal.

Pluggers are charitable.

Slylock Fox, 8/24/12, 8/26/12 (panels)


Oh, somebody‘s been practicing his Weirdlys!

It’s hard not to see this as a “Six Differences” panel: snake, fists, frog, wrath, pride, gluttony, lust. OK, that’s seven differences — shoot me.

Curtis, 8/26/12

O Fortuna! The great Wheel of Curtis turns again to “Curtis is humiliated trying on clothes.” But the store is shown as completely empty except at the exact moment the dressing-room door opens — so where did all these people come from? Is it some kind of flash-mob event? What sort of person would show up for something like that? Have the authorities been notified?

I have to say that with the departure of Brenda Starr, Diane Wilkins is my favorite woman in the comics. Sorry, Blondie — we had some great times.

Baby Blues, 8/26/12 (panels)

Voosh boof durbatulûk
Voosh boof gimbatul
Voosh boof thrakatulûk
Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/26/12 (panel)

Be very afraid!


Hey, that’s it for me — Josh will be back soon with Comments of the Week and a whole new lineup of the usual suspects. Thanks for a fun week!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 8/25/12

Dude, loosen the grip: Margo isn’t leaving, you are. Or maybe not! Ever the professional, Margo tells Cooper, “I will gladly break a prior commitment to avoid spending any more time with you than absolutely necessary. But no need for thanks — that’s just the kind of service my clients have come to expect from me, even though it’s my first day in this business!”

Dick Tracy, 8/25/12

You know, I don’t think I’d eat at a sushi joint at the back of an aquarium, especially if it had really low prices. But of course Phishface is a cannibal, not an epicure: he dines to assimilate the strength of vanquished foes, so taste and freshness aren’t deal-breakers. This adventure can end only in the gruesome hook-related death of Phishface, or a grand feast of bland, stale toreshimaki.

Also, whales are fish. Told you so.

Beetle Bailey, 8/25/12

Oh, look — more golf crap!

The Lockhorns, 8/25/12

You know, for somebody who routinely gets rowdy drunk, monopolizes the hottest chicks, and picks fights, Leroy Lockhorn still gets invited to a lot of parties.

— Uncle Lumpy