Post Content

Luann, 8/27/12

Good morning, everyone! I’ve returned from my week-long comics-mocking sabbatical, and what better way to jump right back into the icy waters three-panel laffs than today’s Luann? Yes, Brad DeGroot has at last come into his own, lounging about in his tough-guy tank top, showing off his biceps and his fire department tattoo, running a comb through his greasy hair. The effect is somewhat undermined in panel one because that tank top looks long enough to be a cocktail dress, but still, let’s let him have his moment.

Momma, 8/27/12

Now let’s swim into full-on horror by moving on to Momma! Today’s strip is fantastic because just when you settle into a nice bit of disgust at the phrase “seeing some other mother,” you realize Francis is emitting audible groans of satisfaction and you want desperately to return to a world where the worst you had to deal with was a little light Oedipal humor.

Blondie, 8/27/12

Dagwood’s look of befuddlement shows that there can still be surprises in a marriage that’s lasted more than 80 years, and that those surprises are terrifying. “Wait a minute,” he seems to be thinking, “I’m the one in this marriage who goes on ‘wacky’ food binges in a doomed attempt to fill the yawning emptiness inside me. If that’s not my role anymore, then what am I?”

Hagar the Horrible, 8/27/12

In an example of the meticulous attention to detail that has made Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC famous, the irony in Hagar’s statement is driven home by the blasted, barren landscape his savage warriors trudge across, all the crops having been burned during the course of his band’s predatory raid.

Crankshaft, 8/27/12

Oh, goody, there have been 25 years of Crankshaft, so we will now be treated to some Crankshaft flashbacks! Nobody, not even Crankshaft himself, thinks this is a good idea.

Pluggers, 8/27/12

Hey, all you fancy-pants city folks with your computers! A little girl can’t sit on the dog-goned Internet, now can she? Check and mate!

Post Content

I’M BACK, EVERYBODY! Let’s give Uncle Lumpy a very large hand for helping out in my absence! He says you’ve been good, so you’ll be rewarded with … my return? Sorry, that’s the best I can do. Oh, you’re also rewarded with this week’s slightly belated comment of the week!

“I’m thinking the skunk will become so smitten by Sam’s good looks and honest, noble character, it will spontaneously learn to squirt precious ambergris and Fabergé eggs from its anal glands. Of course, it will still cover Avery with plain old skunk stink.” — Perky Bird

And the runners up! Very funny!

Funky Winkerbean — “Well, how do we know Power Girl #18 won’t stain herself? Maybe that’s one of Power Girl’s powers, self-staining. I mean, powers can’t be all super-speed and flight and stretchiness and spider-web shooting and invisibility and green rings and utility belts and cool stuff like that. Maybe some are, you know, just embarrassing.” — Ian Beste

“What a change in mood between panels three and seven. They all look happy enough watching the news about the Italian Ship Disaster, and then it’s all revulsion and dismay when they remember that Wilbur and Dawn are coming back.” — Joe Btfsplk

“Of course under federal law, he must replace [his Levi’s tag] with a Wide Load banner and a Slow Moving Vehicle triangle….” — Dennis Jimenez

Free Microsoft Office 2010 [spam] — “Well, I suppose I’m willing to sign a petition asking for a new trial, but I absolutely refuse to bake Microsoft a cake with a file in it.” — Shrug

Curtis — “Somewhere, a couple of dozen Secret Service agents are passing a bong and watching MST3K reruns.” — Artist formerly known as Ben

“You don’t hit on the underaged caddy, you try to hustle the beer wench, who not only is at least 21 years old, but also shows some cleavage and is openly flirtatious, although both are in hopes you’ll tip her a buck on a $2.75 Bud Light. Steve has a lot to learn about golf.” — cheech wizard

“‘Leroy Lockhorn still gets invited to a lot of parties.’ I assume he has the best weed.” — Tom T.

“The EVIL GAME WARDEN realized that he could use Rusty as bait. These schemes work best if one does not tell the bait that it is bait. This could be the first time Rusty has been somebody’s chum.” — Dale

“Thel is angry that her daughter knows about stuck zippers. There will be a harlot stoning in the Keane Kompound backyard tonight.” — Zerowolf

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• I Could Pee on This and Other Poems by Cats by Francesco Marciuliano: For eons cats have strived to express their thoughts and feelings through body language, plaintive meowing, and a filmmaking style known as “fallen camera nudged across floor until forgotten or smeared with saliva.” But now thanks to the stirring power of poetry they can finally share what it truly means to be a cat.

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Pluggers, 8/26/12

The bear-man pays the dog-man for savory chunks of the pig-man, sparing a few coins for the orphans of his meal.

Pluggers are charitable.

Slylock Fox, 8/24/12, 8/26/12 (panels)

Oh, somebody‘s been practicing his Weirdlys!

It’s hard not to see this as a “Six Differences” panel: snake, fists, frog, wrath, pride, gluttony, lust. OK, that’s seven differences — shoot me.

Curtis, 8/26/12

O Fortuna! The great Wheel of Curtis turns again to “Curtis is humiliated trying on clothes.” But the store is shown as completely empty except at the exact moment the dressing-room door opens — so where did all these people come from? Is it some kind of flash-mob event? What sort of person would show up for something like that? Have the authorities been notified?

I have to say that with the departure of Brenda Starr, Diane Wilkins is my favorite woman in the comics. Sorry, Blondie — we had some great times.

Baby Blues, 8/26/12 (panels)

Voosh boof durbatulûk
Voosh boof gimbatul
Voosh boof thrakatulûk
Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/26/12 (panel)

Be very afraid!

Hey, that’s it for me — Josh will be back soon with Comments of the Week and a whole new lineup of the usual suspects. Thanks for a fun week!

— Uncle Lumpy