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Beetle Bailey, 8/4/12

I was going to go into this whole thing about how “Halftrack Dysfunctional Marriage Saturdays” are always the most depressing day in the comics all week, and that Mrs. Halftrack is doing a great job of gleefully pushing her husband further down his little shame spiral rather than trying to free him from it, but then I noticed that the General’s trademark neck-wattle is visible from the side and I got distracted.

Spider-Man, 8/4/12

Sorry, everybody, we’re going to have to start speaking some other language now! English hit its pinnacle with “Never suspected I booby-trapped my clown nose!” and it’s all going to be pretty much downhill from here, so let’s get out while the getting’s good.

Garfield, 8/4/12

AHH AHHH AHHH GARFIELD TURNED JON INTO A HEAD OF CABBAGE WITH FELINE DEMON MAGIC AHHHHHH

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Enjoy it! It’s the week’s best comment, after all!

“I’m not saying you should use ‘Yakety Sax’ to score today’s Mary Worth, I’m just saying no dramatic tension is lost by doing so.” –Irrischano

And enjoy these runners up too!

“If ice cream cones are $5, that’s probably a $20 hot dog the seagull is making off with.” –Matthew

“’Skeetos sounds like a snack chip. Warning: contains insects and possibly human blood.” –nescio

“Today’s Mary Worth should win a prize for the least erotic mixed pole-dancing entry, ever.” –Fraser

“Is Spider-Man considered a last responder?” –Dood

“This shipwreck is Wilbur’s fault, because he decided to sample fresh Italian vegetables and exotic fish dishes. You’ve angered the Sandwich Gods, Wilbur, and now you must face their oven-toasted wrath!” –Perky Bird

“‘Sam, do you like baseball?’ ‘Yeah, I think we own the Arizona Diamondbacks and maybe the Orioles.'” –Doctor Handsome

“I have no idea what is going on in Rex’s life these days, but judging from that unique ceiling tile, I would guess that he’s talking on a cell phone to a man standing on the other side of the room he’s in. Why, you might ask? Because talking face-to-face is what poor people do.” –pugfuggly

“Lu Ann is taken to her happy place. ‘Pale blue walls, mustard colored trim. Yes! This feels so right.'” –Kwazzymodo

“I see the pendulum in Apartment 3-G has swung from ‘mind-bogglingly insane’ to ‘incomprehensibly dull.'” –TheDiva

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Apartment 3-G, 8/3/12

God, you guys, so long ago (so long ago I’m not even going to bother digging up the links) Margo had this boyfriend (or at least a dude she was making out with) named Trey who was an architect and who somehow got permission from his bosses to completely rebuild the Mills Gallery (which, let’s not forget, Margo owns or at least manages or something, because she inherited it from her previous boyfriend, who died in Tibet, for real) in his vision of a neo-Art Deco style, free of charge, because … because it’s an arts nonprofit, I guess? And Trey was making out with its owner/manager? Sure, those seem like good reasons to do a lot of pricey professional work pro bono.

Anyway, I bring this up not just because I want to show off (for certain very limited definitions of “show off”) my knowledge of apparently jettisoned A3G backstory, but because Margo’s vague references to the office being “picture perfect” at least sort of admits that said backstory at one point existed. Trey is nowhere to be seen, and the vague background decor looks nothing like whatever neo-Art Deco might be, but there does appear to be a picture hanging on the wall, which may be what she’s referring to. Maybe Trey got his budget for the job cut until all he could afford to do was hang a new painting on the wall of Margo’s office, and then he had to cease to exist, to save money.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/3/12

Oh, were you worried that Rex Morgan wasn’t going to get his cut? Don’t worry, Rex Morgan always gets his cut.