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Beetle Bailey, 9/30/24

Today, most food service in the U.S. military is outsourced to contractors, and one of the military’s most awesome powers is the ability to deploy a fully operational Burger King to a combat zone within 24 hours. But Beetle Bailey remembers an earlier time, when cooks would’ve been soldiers themselves — my grandfather enlisted during World War II and spent the war stateside making meals in bulk for soldiers about to ship out to the Pacific, for instance, and it only occurred to me reading this strip that I never knew what his rank was. Did he outrank a sergeant? Could he, within the bounds of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, have ordered a private to prevent his sergeant from gaining access to the company’s food stores, using deadly force, if necessary? Much to think about.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/30/24

Oh wow, Wanda, just casually demonstrating your ability to cross your fingers right in front of your trigger finger-striken boyfriend? Flexible finger privilege much????

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Mary Worth, 9/29/24

I’m going to remain neutral on some the big moral questions being raised by this storyline for the moment (Is it fair to fall in love with a passionate man then demand that he give up his passions to focus on you? Why, in a relatively small community that nevertheless can support a whole convention’s worth of veterinarians, is Ed somehow the only vet available for seemingly every emergency call? Does it make sense to put “a reunion dinner with a once beloved but subsequently estranged family member” and “a visit to the bakery to taste cake” in the same “wedding stuff you can skip” bucket?). Mostly, I want to say that chucking your engagement ring directly into your fiance’s chest at full speed and watching it bounce off is a very funny move, and I’m glad we got to see it in today’s strip.

Marvin, 9/29/24

There are all kinds of dubious things that I am willing to accept as part of the Marvin world-building, such as the fact that babies and dogs have adult-human-level cognition and ability to communicate, but neither has mastered the simple art of shitting in a toilet. However, seeing dogs just casually wandering around suburban neighborhoods unleashed immediately exceeds my ability to suspend disbelief. I realize that the idea of this has been ossified into comics lore but I refuse to believe that anyone actually involved in producing the comics in the futuristic year 2024 personally remembers a time when this was commonplace.

Six Chix, 9/29/24

I find the drawing of the plumber at bottom right interacting with a undersink cabinet that has been removed from its context (the sink) very funny. “Welp, let me see if the problem is from inside your Portal and–” [horrified screams as he is pulled into the ~v o i d~]

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Gil Thorp, 9/29/24

As Uncle Lumpy noted last week, longtime Gil Thorp artist Rod Whigham is retiring from the strip, with today being his last entry. I’ve actually been blogging long enough that I remember when he was new Gil Thorp artist Rod Whigham! Ha ha haha haha HA HAH AHA HAHHA [cackles like the Cryptkeeper and then crumbles into dust] Where was I? Oh, right, today is Rod’s last strip, and in it Gil’s lovely plane ride is … fading into nonexistence? As we hear a doctor desperately trying to restart somebody’s heart? Is Whigham closing up shop and taking the Thorpverse with him???? Honestly I had not worried much up to this point that I might have been created by an omnipotent being who could at any time decide to quit His job and take my whole reality with Him, but now I’m going to be worrying about nothing else!

Pardon My Planet, 9/29/24

The “If They Were Alive Today” box implies that we’re going to get a whole series of these dated, shitty, mean-spirited jokes about various historical figures and what they might think about the hottest celebs of 2008, but don’t worry: Pardon My Planet simply doesn’t have that kind of follow-through.