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In the absence of a pulpit, I am employing comic strips.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/16/11

Everything new is bad. Children are a curse.

Family Circus, 10/16/11

I mean it — a curse.

Mary Worth, 10/16/11

We can never escape the mistakes of our past.

Judge Parker, 10/16/11

So we should enjoy the simple pleasures life offers us.

Spider-Man (panel), 10/16/11

Wherever we find them.

That’s it for me — Josh will be back Sunday with your Comments of the Week, and Monday for more mockin’ on the funnies. Thanks for a fun week, everybody!

— Uncle Lumpy

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So ends the Fall 2011 Comics Curmudgeon Fundraiser — thank you one and all for your generosity and/or patience. GOOSETRAX will remain up into November for all your extended goose-tracking requirements, and you can check for fundraising banners you might have missed here.

Dick Tracy, 10/15/11

Dick Tracy is running a retrospective — a perfect excuse to revisit classic villains and antique themes like this “woman in peril” sequence featuring Tracy’s wife-to-be, Tess Trueheart. Why can’t we see stuff like this in other “new-old” throwback strips? I’m lookin’ at you, For Better or For Worse.

Apartment 3-G, 10/15/11

OK, Lu Ann here has parents and a torch-carrying childhood sweetheart (Cody Stiles, indistinguishable down to the neckerchief from cousin Blaze) back in South Dakota. We haven’t seen the mother lately; her relationship with her father is “complex”, but — like Lu Ann herself — only in the sense that it’s incoherent. Meanwhile, her Texas cousin Ruby seems to have forgotten that Lu Ann is no novice at this wedding business — Powers is her name from a marriage to a Vietnam-era fighter pilot who died in combat. Maybe Ruby doesn’t pay any more attention to Lu Ann than anybody else does?

Mark Trail, 10/15/11

Andy, unheard, is saying, “When Kelly Welly is the brains of your outfit, it’s time to find a new outfit.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/15/11

Her improbably-coiffed swain may have kept Kelly waiting, but like a gentleman took the time and trouble to steal a car suitable for a lady. And now: POOL PARTY!!!

Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits – a Fall Fundraiser special, part 6

Mark Trail — 3/24, 3/25, and 10/22/10

This concludes Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits — until next time. Lordy, that duck’s the size of a Cessna.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Click the banner to contribute and receive a Commemorative Comics Curmudgeon Bible Bird Band! Details here.

The geese are coming home to roost! Today is the last day of the Fall Fundraiser. Bands will still be available for late or mailed donations, but this is the final reminder. If you’ve already contributed, thank you — your band is on its way. And if you haven’t yet, consider what the comics would be like without the unique perspective The Comics Curmudgeon offers every day. Now isn’t that worth a couple bucks? You bet! And seriously, do you really want to spend the rest of your entire life without a Mark Trail-themed Bible Bird Band?

Marmaduke, 10/14/11

Eva, wistful in her drindl, dreams of a second chance for the Thousand-Year Reich.

Crankshaft, 10/14/11

At the risk of horning in on Mary Worth territory, here’s a page from Uncle Lumpy’s Guide for the Young in Love:

Proposals:

• Proposals must be made in person, or by telephone or video chat only if the matter is urgent and a face-to-face meeting is impossible. Billboards, faxes, scoreboards, and above all letters are unacceptable means of soliciting a lifelong commitment — there is simply too much opportunity for error or misunderstanding, and no chance to correct such quickly when they occur.
• The person who makes a proposal is within his or her rights to demand an answer, which must also be made in person as above. “Yes” and “No” are the traditional alternatives, although “I need to think about it”, “Why can’t we just go on like this?”, and “Oh, baby, oh, oh, oh!” are acceptable variants of the latter.
• As a corollary to the above, under no circumstances should “No answer” be accepted by either party as the basis for ending a desired relationship.

Eugene, Lucy — this is not romantic, touching, or poignant. It is stupid, and you two deserve exactly what you got.

Spider-Man, 10/14/11

You know, it occurs to me that I’ve neglected Spider-Man this week. It felt great, and I’m gonna keep it up.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/14/11

Loweezy is disappointed with her copy of Lisa’s Story: the Other Shoe: why hasn’t anybody shot Les yet, and what in tarnation are these “shoe” things, anyway?

Fundraiser update

Bible Bird Bands are now arriving by the gaggle — and that’s a lot! Don’t delay: make a generous donation of any amount, and get your very own. And when you receive it, don’t forget to send Josh a picture at bio@jfruh.com. And to faithful readers throughout South America, Africa, and Asia — time to step up, folks:

GOOSETRAX (full details and Privacy Policy here.)

Comics Curmudgeon Bible Birds are winging their way to faithful readers worldwide!

Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits – a Fall Fundraiser special, part 5

Mark Trail — 5/14, 11/18, 11/21, 12/14, and 12/23/09

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s exciting conclusion of Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits!

— Uncle Lumpy