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Hopefully you are safe inside from the rain, or maybe in one of the many, many places on this earth where it is not raining as hard as it is here! Anyway, rain or shine, this COTW should amuse you:

“More so than ever, staying healthy is most important. That’s why we start each season out by burning all the mildewed, old furniture in town in a giant heap, then huddle around the fumes. Mmm, smell that? Smells like lungs getting tougher.” –Chareth Cutestory

And the runners up! They’re raining buckets of laughter!

“Alternatively, the panel could be improved by adding the words ‘Also, Pluggers don’t realize curtains can be closed.'” –Poor Thompson

“I think it’s time for us to leave, Martha. The army’s secret experimental Wasp Soldier initiative has been activated.” –Aaron

Re: Pluggers: “The only thing worse than a lazy joke that doesn’t make any sense is a SMUG lazy joke that doesn’t make any sense.” –Mollie

“Weirdly probably could’ve hypnotized any two random guys off the street into being ‘square-dancing do-si-do dudes,’ but by seeking out rodeo cowboys, he saves money on costuming. Surprisingly budget-conscious for an insane fucking lunatic with nonsensical motivations.” –Doctor Handsome

“Goodness! What did they offer him to cause such a response? A lifetime of chicken wings?” –Maggie the Cat

“Nothing says tough negotiator like smothering your adversary with a chloroform soaked rag.” –Michael Yuri

Mark Trail: “OK, ‘THIS IS NOT GOOD!’ why exactly? Andy is going to run back to Mark and tell him — what? ‘Arf arf old lady arf arf I didn’t see any geese arf arf or gold bands.'” –wossname

“I think that she literally shanked it, in the sense of actually hitting the paper with a golf club, in an attempt by Batuik to get in on the Gil-Thorp-inspired golfing-themed-story-arc craze that is sweeping the … Is that a pineapple on the computer? What the hell?” –Nekrotzar

“Oh, that carefree couple, Sam ‘n Abbey … joyfully stomping on the hopes and dreams of America’s working class. ‘I’ll pay you $50 for that RV. Plus, I get to take a dump in your mouth! Do we have a deal?'” –jvwalt

“Hush, woman. And it’s Sovereign Citizen Wilson.” –Johnnycakes

“I was so distracted by that poorly rendered Guernica hanging on the wall that I didn’t even notice that Spider-man has the massive arm of a demon jutting out of his chest.” –sporknpork

“The endgame here is the bank will buy the Road Queen to provide a mobile branch for shut-ins or somesuch and the Driver-Spencers will be laughing all the way to the suitcase-of-cash repository.” –Dood

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Slylock Fox comes to your iPhone: Cartoonist Bob Weber Jr., creator of Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids now offers his spot-the-difference game to you on the iPhone and iPad. Bob has selected 50 spot-the-difference panels for this initial app release. There is also a free “lite” version.

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Gasoline Alley, 9/23/11

Wow, I’m pretty much in love with the way the word balloons in the first panel here are arranged. It’s too bad that it doesn’t really convey any meaning — Skeezix is no closer to the foreground of the frame than the innkeeper, and I don’t think he’s supposed to be talking over him — but the sight of the two balloons suddenly occupying real space, and lying at different degrees of depth from the viewer, is striking and beautiful just the same.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/23/11

It’s lucky for Lureen that Parson Tuttle is a notorious fraud without even the rudiments of a theological education, because I’d have to guess the a typical backwoods preacher in hill country wouldn’t take too kindly to devilish papist notions like “confession.”

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Dennis the Menace, 9/22/11

Mrs. Wilson knows she needs to calm her radical anti-establishment husband down if this encounter is to end without violence. “Now, dear, you and I both know that 911 is a joke, but there’s no need to call him a pig to his face. You’ll just get tasered in the neck again, and I don’t think your heart can take it.”

Judge Parker, 9/22/11

Wow, that’s quite a large amount of cash that Sam and Abbey can just pull out of their bank account on a whim. Do you suppose that all subsequent Judge Parker storylines are going to be more and more transparently about the Spencer-Driver clan’s wealth? Will every strip in April of 2012 just consist of the two of them sitting around counting out hundred-dollar bills, pausing only to occasionally blow their noses into them?

Marvin, 9/22/11

Despite my burning and irrational hatred for Marvin, I have to admit I feel a twinge of sympathy for him in the second panel. Look at his growing sense of panic as he learns that, as his life draws to a close decades from now, even the joys of eating will elude him! Quick, someone tell him something reassuring about old age, like that he’ll finally be able to start wearing diapers again.

Spider-Man, 9/22/11

Yesterday’s post implied that Spider-Man would inspire by sick children by going to the hospital and getting arrested. In fact, he’ll inspire them by going to the hospital and telling them that being a superhero is for suckers and quitting in disgust. We regret the error.