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Mary Worth, 6/19/11

“When?” we’ve all been calling out, for weeks now, as poor Drew has the living daylights stalked out of him by Liza. “When will the meddling start? When?” Well, this is where it starts: “Drew … let me see what I can do.” Think of the all the horror passing through Mary’s vast and cool and unsympathetic unsympathetic intellect during that ellipsis. Being cruel to Liza is not an option for Drew, but he’s not afraid to farm the cruelty out. He may be off to Vietnam at the end of this thing anyway, just to avoid the carnage.

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/19/11

Every Rex Morgan storyline begins with awesome supporting characters before eventually petering out into dullness, and this one is no exception. I’m already falling in love pretty hard with this bickering mother-daughter pair with bad emotional boundaries. Check out those icily arched eyebrows and model-quality cheekbones! I certainly hope that one of the promised loser boyfriends show up at an inappropriate time to the consternation of everyone, especially Rex.

Panel from Beetle Bailey, 6/19/11

Meanwhile, Sarge has been possessed by demons.

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Spider-Man, 6/18/11

Ah, yes, a character who is despised and rejected despite his super-powers shakes his fist and declares with a twisted visage that someday his tormentors will show some respect! It’s pretty much the origin story of every comic-book supervillain ever created. Are the Spider-Man newspaper comic strip people even vaguely aware of the conventions of their own genre?

Apartment 3-G, 6/18/11

Tommie’s touching reunion with her estranged (?) mother has taken place entirely off-panel, between yesterday and today’s strips. Normally I’d complain about this, but really, it’s a blessing. The only thing that could possibly be duller than a strip about Tommie is strip about Tommie and her boring mother.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/18/11

A sexy, sassy, midriff-baring goth teenager … her sexy, pissy, shoulder-baring mom … the two of them appear to be roughly the same age … looks like Rex Morgan, M.D., is on a collision course for sexy wackiness!

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Oh, look, I’m getting the COTW out on time for once:

“I don’t see any reason to assume that the liquid falling from Billy’s face is sweat; it could just as easily be tears. With a little imagination, and a willingness to use a red Sharpie on your monitor, it could even be blood.” –ratnerstar

And the runners up! Also hilarious!

“She’s clearly flashing back to her previous life. Pointy black hat, green skin, ‘These things must be handled delicately…’ It’s all coming back to her.” –Spiff Bereft

“Max Mouse may be stupid but at least he understands a suit and cape are inappropriate clothes for hot weather.” –nescio

“Also, ‘dog’s point of view’? Couldn’t B.C. come up with better lie to explain why he was looking at Thor’s balls? (OH MY GOD I STILL KNOW THOSE CHARACTERS’ NAMES. WHY DID I READ B.C. COMICS COLLECTIONS WHEN MY NEURAL NET WAS STILL FORMING AND AT ITS MOST RECEPTIVE? I COULD HAVE LEARNED FRENCH INSTEAD OF THIS POINTLESS CRAP!)” –Lorne

“I imagine that the discussion between writer and artist about portraying Gil’s horrifically unhuman-looking face in today’s second panel went something like this: ‘He’s angry, he’s serious! Draw more lines on his face to show that!’ ‘Uh, he already looks like an alien from Star Trek, so we cou–‘ ‘Shut up. More lines.'” –Alan’s Addiction

“Just look at how happy Petey is!! ‘Sweet, I’ll have a few hours of uninterrupted TV time, then when she comes home, I’ll have the perfect excuse to be whiney and mopey all night!!'” –pugfuggly

“We now know the mystery woman’s name is Susan, but nothing else about her. If they’d just added any reason to care, this would be a textbook example of how to build suspense.” –Some Guy

“Going by today’s installment, it would appear that these pluggers are very nearly if not actually in their nineties, which … the fuck? I would really like to know the precise cocktail of pharmaceuticals and Whoppers that enables these corpulent layabouts to achieve such astonishing longevity. Or is it just hugs from their grandkids? Their AARP-eligible grandkids?” –Violet

“Really, Luann’s ‘villains’ and ‘disreputable’ characters all seem a million times more likeable or at least interesting than any of the alleged heroes. I’d much prefer it if the de Groots and company all moved off to a compound where they could be obnoxious anal-retentives together and left the main strip to the people I don’t hate.” –commodorejohn

“But you have to admit that Brad is cool. Look how he stands there in the last panel with his hand in his pocket, just casually playing with his penis as he gets fired. COOL.” –Greg

“Also, Ziggy is dating his cat.” –Gold-Digging Nanny

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