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Gil Thorp, 9/1/11

“I’m Wildcat Maris — no relation to an actual wildcat, though we are both mammals. Nevertheless, despite what my quick reflexes and lustrous coat would lead you to believe, I’m actually a human being, just like you! Only better.”

Gasoline Alley, 9/1/11

“Plus, if you believe in a literal interpretation of Genesis, all human beings are descended from Noah, since only he and his immediate family survived the Deluge! Hey, what’s the matter? Are my irritating conversational stylings making you wish that God would destroy all life with a world-cleansing flood?”

Family Circus, 9/1/11

“Gah, Billy accidentally came into contact with science! Quick, lock him in the isolation chamber until we can figure out how to disable the picture-radio!”

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Who knew that all this time the Funkyverse was working on a full-on multi-temporal synch-up of (I assume, but it’s a pretty safe assumption) gloom and death? Just as 10 years ago (or 20, or however many years separate Crankshaft and Funky) Cayla accidentally caused permanent brain damage to her opponent, so too in the present will … something bad happen! I think I speak for everyone everywhere when I say that I’m rooting for a repeat of the past and hope that Les will be concussed to death, or at least have his jaw broken so severely that he’ll be permanently unable to smirk. My biggest fear is of course that the scenario will be reversed and that Les will somehow manage to kill Cayla. Having lost two life partners to tragedy, his suffering will escalate to such repulsively high levels that it will tear a hole in the fabric of space and time.

Apartment 3-G, 8/31/11

“Quickly, girl! Are you a gold digger? Are you a whore? Are you barren? I’m old and dying, I’ve got no time for niceties!”

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Apartment 3-G, 8/30/11

“Bah! I’m too old to be polite! So, is she the one, Paulie? The one who does all the freaky sex stuff that you describe in graphic detail over family dinners?”

Gil Thorp, 8/30/11

Ha ha, whoops, it appears that what I thought was a fresh-faced young student eager for Gil’s wisdom is actually a broken-down old coach, begging to be released from whatever sinister hold Gil has over him that’s been getting him to continue working after retirement for who knows how long. Wasn’t there just a plot where Gil stood up to a school board member who tried to break the teachers’ union? I’m sure the United Federation of Teachers shop steward would love to hear about the years of unpaid labor Gil extracted from Coach Tabor until he finally agreed to let the guy go see his parents before they die.

Marvin, 8/30/11

O happy day! My dream of seeing Marvin answer for his crimes at the Hague is finally coming true!