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Gasoline Alley, 10/22/23

OK, I dunno, look, maybe weeks and weeks of talking bear bullshit have ground me down into submission, but I find these comical aliens in their over-the-top uniforms kind of charming? A little? They’re whimsical, but that whimsy is tempered by the fact that, as their commander makes clear in the first panel of the bottom row, they are very much going to die upon contact with Earth’s atmosphere and biome, which is wholly toxic to them.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/22/23

Ha ha, Rene’s only been in the police car for a few minutes and Buzzy and Mud are already writing him out of the Mirakle Method story! He’s never going to see a dime of the money they promised him! Mud hasn’t reformed, so the Mirakle Method is as fraudulent as Rene always thought, even though it worked on him, so maybe it actually does work; it’s confusing but I have to respect it.

Crock, 10/22/23

This one works on a couple levels. It’s about cactuses that fuck, but it’s also a metaphor about how ladies love a guy who shaves his dick. Comics really are an incredibly rich and expressive medium.

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Dustin, 10/21/23

Dustin is, of course, a comic explicitly created to explore the irreconciliable differences between young people and old people and the resulting struggle between the generations. But it’s also a comic the irreconciliable differences between men and women. For instance, did you know that men love to swear, but women are deathly offended by it? It’s true! Look at that guy across the street in the third panel. Look at how happy he looks! “Finally,” he’s thinking, “some swearing around here!” His wife, on the other hand, is concerned that this public profanity is going to lower her property values.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/21/23

Look, I like to think I’m an open minded guy. I don’t want to “yuck” anybody else’s “yum.” I understand — nay, even celebrate — the fact that there are honest, upstanding citizens out there who can only get off sexually by looking at weird misshapen cartoon hillbillies reenacting the Pietà, with some kind of infantilizing thing involving one of the parties giving the other medicine thrown in for good measure. I just think that’s the sort of thing you should have to pay for with cryptocurrency on the dark web, rather than seeing it in newspapers everywhere. If that makes me “sex negative,” then so be it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/21/23

I was going to make fun of the idea that a minor local (?) grifter quietly and peacefully turning himself into the police would make the local news, when the local news could be covering literally anything else, but then I remembered that Mud is obliquely related to this story, and this is a universe where anything even vaguely related to roots country music sends people into utter hysterics. This is gonna be the top story at 6 and 11! They’ll be playing “Muddy Boots” and “Glenwood Motel” leading into every commercial break! This is huge news!

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Comment of the week? Comment of the week:

“In the first panel, the cow is being affectionate; in the second panel, where the cat watches the cow warily, the cow has realized that other animals taste good. Panel three was cut by the censors.” –Old Man Shadow

Hilarious runners up? You’d better believe hilarious runners up:

“That she didn’t ask ‘Cop or fireman?’ the moment she met her long-lost father’s mustache means her dealings with The Man have all been imaginary.” –Rex_Thrillho, on Twitter

“I’m fairly certain Mary is going to swoop in and let them both know that they can agree to disagree, and that in any case, political convictions and opinions are bad. ‘You see this tasteless, beige casserole I prepared?’ she’ll say, ‘Nobody really likes it, but no-one really hates it either! It’s a nice middle-of-the-road option that everyone can grudgingly shovel into their mouths in the comforting knowledge that no-one else is really enjoying it either.’” –pugfuggly

“As absurd as the Mirakle Method and its playground-themed brainwashing technique is, I can far more readily believe in its efficacy than the idea of anyone finding Truck and Wanda to be ‘colorful characters.’” –jroggs

“I love the addition of the sign making it clear that Andy Bear is returning from a MUNICIPAL golf course — no $25 martinis at the 19th hole for the backbone of America! Just heading home after downing PBR tall boys on a patchy Par 3 course (next to the industrial district) the way the Lord intended!” –Quiggle

“Sonia, wait — you’ve got it all wrong! Mary Worth storylines can’t resolve themselves so soon! We’ve got to stuff this ludicrous conservative-father-meets-hitherto-unknown-liberal-daughter narrative full of cliches (nice peace sign on your knapsack, by the way) every day for the next, what, two months? Three years? Whatever. Also we have to do it all over again on weekends — but slower.” –Michael Beaumier

“OK, but let’s not sleep on the fact that Slylock’s very expensive custom helicopter is slower than a car from the 1950s. He should have listened to the engineers warning him that huge fox tail would wreak havoc on the aerodynamics.” –Schroduck

“The Lockhorns are spiteful and sad creatures, so they should be on Twitter, not Instagram.” –Ettorre

“NOW we know why Chip always has his hair covering his eyes: because he has freakish conjoined sclera like Sonic the damn Hedgehog.” –lo, on BlueSky

“Gina is of course completely done with this shit. She’s thinking, ‘As the only likable character in this strip, am I not way overdue for a spinoff?’” –matt w

“Let the peasants have their crime done in the shadows of tall building and sodium-vapor streetlights. The rich will risk the heist so long as it’s done under pristine moonlight, on top of the hill over the layer of city smog. It’s the only way to live (and possibly die).” –Philip

“I can think of few things more menacing than a small boy plotting the revival of 1950s borscht-belt insult comedy.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“Sarge’s emotional journey in these two panels is quite something to behold. P1: Dogs are good. I love dogs. You got that right, Otto; they sure ARE man’s best friend. I see nothing ominous about the way you phrased that or trailed off. P2: My dog likes girls?! What the fuck?” –Violet

“When last we saw Mary, she was two startled eyes peering over this man-mountain’s shoulder, but here’s the thing: we never saw her leave. So … she’s still there, right? She’s been there the whole time … right? Setting out a lovely fruit bowl while Sonia raves about ‘the man,’ lovingly packaging up the rest of the tuna casserole while Keith splutters over his root beer, and now sitting juuuuust off-panel, staring intently as Keith does an internet. ‘I must see this through to the end,’ she thinks. ‘Hell, it’s either this or listening to Wilbur’s latest nonsense, and frankly, I just don’t have that in me today.’” –els

“‘I consider myself the man of your dreams.’ ‘You’re out in public incongruously naked, talking to a bird with hair and breasts who is drinking motor oil out of a wine glass. You’re the one dreaming, and I recommend a good shrink when you wake up.’” –nescio

“Why is the reverend looking at us? Why is he looking at us with a wistful expression? Has he actually hacked my computer’s webcam?” –BeckoningChasm

“I’m just trying to figure out what they’re watching this racy content on? Broadcast TV? But that wouldn’t be that racy. Cable? But isn’t the point that the Hootin’ Holler is isolated from everywhere, so cable wouldn’t reach them? Broadband? Please. The only conclusion is that their neighbors are inside the TV performing a particularly obscene puppet show version of When Harry Met Sally.” –Lawyerbob

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