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Whether you have Monday off or you’ll be working hard on Saturday and Sunday, let today’s comment of the week lift you up:

Harwoods! Just checking to see if you recognize me, Rene Belluso, through this disguise! No? Good! Carry on … for now.” –bbofun

And the runners up are for everyone, all the time!

“‘Postage and gas prices are so high it’s cheaper to mail something across town than to drive it’ is the long thought lost fourth paradox of Zeno.” –Hibbleton

“Snap! Don’t you hate it when you’re so busy taking a picture, you don’t even realize that you should follow up with some selfies because you’re smiling the best selfie smile ever? Flip that phone, Marty! You look super-smug and particularly well-groomed.” –made of wince

“I own two dachshunds and dachshund owners are a crazy bunch, so let me offer you some advice, Mary: unless you want to answer a bunch of angry strongly worded letters, keep your hands off the wiener.” –Old Man Shadow

“Pluggers always take their walks in graveyards, as it’s a pretty convenient place to drop dead from light exercise.” –pugfuggly

“I was going to say something about Saul thinking to himself in exposition when I realized that the second panel could well be a dire warning that the new storyline may be about him trying to meet a comely young woman to charm and eventually bear his child.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I know ‘Dawg’ is just the dog’s actual name but Trixie thoughtballooning ‘Sorry dawg, I gotta move‘ is an order of magnitude funnier than anything appearing in that strip this month.” –MRNA Loy, on Twitter

“Soon the players and coaches are all blindfolded. They wait for instructions, but hear none. Eventually, they remove their blindfolds and find the blind man and their wallets gone.” –ectojazzmage

“‘I started to lose my vision while pitching a game.’ ‘While playing?’ ‘No, I was in the corporate offices of Milton Bradley pitching them the idea of Blindfolded Twister. Ironic, huh?’” –Weaselboy

“Wikipedia provides the backstory: ‘In 2002, Sunbeam emerged from bankruptcy as American Household, Inc (AHI). Sunbeam was owned by Jarden Consumer Solutions after Jarden’s acquisition in 2004, which was itself later purchased by Newell Rubbermaid (now Newell Brands).’ Then it was spun off again and purchased by Foofram Industries, where none of the top execs wanted to be bothered with it, and that’s how the company fell into Hi Flagston’s lap! His best strategy is to get Thirsty put in charge, which should result in another bankruptcy within 6 months.” –Peanut Gallery

“Appropriately, a popular legacy comic strip inherited by the sons of its creator and now its third artist is making a case for easy success with no personal direct effort.” –Hobbes Fan

“Also, if you wear a loud shirt it makes it easier for Life to spot and avoid you.” –nescio

“I do like the subtly ominous way the shadows grow in Skyler’s drink as the old man talks of mortality. Symbolic of his loss of innocence, the more the fledgling listens to the old … uh … stork? Crane? Cormorant? Heron? Uh, never mind … where was I … ah, yes, symbolic of his loss of innocence, the more the fledgling listens to the old bird, the darker his soda, and his future, become. If only the species of the birds was as easy to see as the foreboding omen.” –Voshkod

“There are indeed people who use the phrase ‘you are allowed one starch with your meal,’ and they’re all employees of food service government contractors. Roz’s diner is just a side gig where she serves up the leftovers from her primary job at the local prison cafeteria.” –jroggs

“You can tell us, Silver! We’re just the friendly people reading your expository internal monologue!” –matt w

“I’ll give Shoe this much: selling crappy diner food is in fact a new frontier in findom. (You do not want to know what the Perfesser has to do to get to dessert.)” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

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Shoe, 5/26/23

I know that restaurants generically calling side dishes like potatoes or rice or whatever “starches” was a thing at one point, but is it still a thing? I’m sure someone’s going to be like “there goes Josh the coastal elitist again, who only goes to hip, Instagram-savvy restaurants when real Americans in the heartland are happy to order a side starch whenever they go out to eat,” but the joke’s on you because the hip restaurants have started eschewing that bland Instagram aesthetic and are pivoting to TikTok, which rewards motion and video so now they’re doing frankly gross shit like serving dishes where the waiter breaks it open for you and cheese gushes out everywhere. Where was I? Oh, right, I was talking about the phrase “with your meal, you’re allowed a starch,” which honestly doesn’t seem that appetizing to me, and I don’t think Roz saying it with come-hither eyes while holding the menu three feet away from the Perfesser really helps.

Dick Tracy, 5/26/23

Dick Tracy is doing a plot about how boring film-themed villain Silver Nitrate is in prison, and in case you were wondering how he’s doing: he’s doing pretty well! He knows who to avoid now, and it’s the other Dick Tracy villains who tell him, explicitly, that they don’t want to hang out with him. Honestly seems pretty straightforward!

Beetle Bailey, 5/26/23

A group of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC staff sit around a table, sweating. They’ve just broken open the “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY (THE KIND WHERE YOU RUN OUT OF BEETLE BAILEY JOKES) BREAK GLASS” case that’s been hanging on the wall of the office for as long as anyone can remember. Inside is a single scrap of paper, on which someone has written four words that terrify them: “Sgt. Lugg gets horny.”

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Shoe, 5/25/23

I’m not sure if we’s supposed to understand here that Skyler is literally running away from home (if he is, he’s violating the cardinal rule that a runaway child in a comic must have a bindle over their shoulder) or if the Perfesser is staring morosely into his meatloaf a few seats up, leaving Skyler to engage in idle chitchat with a local old guy, who’s advising him on just kind of checking out on life and doing the least possible until death inevitably takes you.

Hi and Lois, 5/25/23

Speaking of coasting through your days, sports sure are fun when they’re easy! You’re not supposed to say this — giving your all and playing to the best of your ability are supposed to be their own rewards — but Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC doesn’t have patience for society’s meaningless pieties.

Gil Thorp, 5/25/23

Look, I’m not going to say that Milford High is weird, exactly, but I don’t think it’s quite normal for teens to be extremely supportive of a classmate who’s secretly going blind but then cruelly turn on him when the learn that his dad got caught up in a print media plagiarism scandal years earlier. How much could these kids care about journalism ethics? The media figure they have the most contact with is Marty Moon!