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Mark Trail, 3/30/11

I’ll say this for Mark Trail: he makes no pretense of being acquainted with hip narcotics lingo, thus sparing him any rock vs. dope embarrassments. No, those squarish bales are just drugs of some kind, and that’s all he needs to know. Now he’s going to set it all on fire, which should be awesomely hilarious. Only Mark will avoid the contact high, by sheer force of rectitude.

Mary Worth, 3/30/11

“More to the point, how much longer are you going to be masturbating to my ‘men’s workout’ plausible-deniability porno mags? Damn it, I need those! They’re all I’ve got! You know Mary won’t let me use the Internet!”

Gil Thorp, 3/30/11

It’s come to our attention that nobody cares about the folksinger girl plot, and for some reason we feel obligated to do a musical plot, so here, here’s the exact same Slim Chance plot that happened last spring. Did you find that one tiresome after a few months? Well, too bad, it’s going to happen again.

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Curtis, 3/29/11

Greg, I’d be less concerned with the “con man” label, which after all sounds sort of quaint and roguish, and more with the implications of the pitchfork. Since there isn’t a lot of conceptual overlap between con men and farmers, I have to assume that Diane is suggesting that Greg’s father/grandfather/whoever is an actual demon, from hell. Is she worried about his presence in her innocent son’s dreams? Is he attempting to cross over into he real world, Freddy Krueger-style?

Marmaduke, 3/29/11

Speaking of demons from hell, we’ve finally discovered something that even Marmaduke is afraid of: the Wham-O Corporation’s trademark lawyers. I don’t know what’s sadder: the thought there are teams of lawyers paid to read the comics to make sure they don’t tread upon anybody’s trademarks, or that the Marmaduke artist might scrupulously add the appropriate symbol to registered trademarks unprompted.

Beetle Bailey, 3/29/11

Two weeks ago, General Halftrack slipped off to the woods to quietly kill himself. Today, in a very special Beetle Bailey, Beetle finds the body.

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Gil Thorp, 3/28/11

It’s never a good sign when Gil Thorp openly admits it’s recycling plot ideas. Hey, remember alt-country sensation Slim Chance from last summer? Well, this is just like that, except that it’s, uh, a chick! Yeah, that’s it! And nobody seems to like her music. Nobody except Mr. Preppie in the front row there, who looks like he’s very interested in what Woody Guthrie and this hippie-musician-ballplayer have to say, much to the consternation of his girlfriend. “Chad, I’m already sitting in your lap and thrusting my ample bosom up against you! All you have to do to look at my cleavage is just lower your eyes! What’s it going to take to get you to pay attention to me? Chad, stop looking at the open mic night girl! Chaaaad!”

Apartment 3-G, 3/28/11

We can’t say for sure because the lettering here is all in capitals, but I’m definitely detecting an upper-case “H” at the beginning of Blaze’s “Him” in the third panel. This makes sense, as we’ve gotten plenty of hints that Dan Diller isn’t the hobo Iris has mistaken him for, and the only non-hobo with that kind of hair/beard combo is obviously God himself. “Iris?! What’re you doing here with YHWH, the Creator of the Universe? We all know you’re ritually unclean!”

Momma, 3/28/11

Normally Momma jumps on any opportunity to denigrate her daughter-in-law and encourage her son to divorce her, so it’s kind of surprising that she isn’t more triumphant over Thomas’s suspicions about her infidelity. It’s not surprising, however, that she has some kind of sick posture fetish.

Luann, 3/28/11

I’m not a parenting expert, but I’m pretty sure that in this scenario you’re supposed to at least pretend to think that your daughter has a chance to win the beauty pageant.

Marmaduke, 3/28/11

“The first barbecue is like Christmas for Marmaduke! That’s because he doesn’t worship Jesus; he only worships delicious, cooked animal flesh.”

Slylock Fox, 3/28/11

Yes, we all know that silk is created by animals, not plants! That how we can suss out the lies of Shady Shrew … who lives in a world of … anthropomorphic … animals … OH MY GOD SHADY SHREW IS ENSLAVING SENTIENT SILKWORMS AND FORCING THEM TO CHURN OUT SHIRTS FOR HIM TO SELL ON THE ROADSIDE