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Gil Thorp, 5/12/23

Gil Thorp is notorious for bringing back beloved characters from years past, and so when I recognized Gregg Hamm’s name I was excited to see how far back in my archives my search for him was going to take me, but it turns out that all the Gil Thorp plots have blurred together into one big timeless smear in my mind, because Gregg’s story was from the summer of 2022, when he managed to pitch while tragically blind thanks to a little light cheating on the part of his teammates. And while I joked about his “tragic blindness” a lot I never really got the impression that he had anything other than just bad vision, but now here he is with a white cane and everything! I’m pretty sure I saw new writer Henry Barajas say that there’s supposed to be a time jump of a few years between Neal Rubin’s last storyline and his first one, but I’d like to believe that he’s fully lost his sight in the past year, and now is going to transform the 2023 Mudlark team by teaching them how to “feel the catcher’s signals.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/12/23

OK, we’ve been joking a lot about how Yvonne has been a little fixated on hearing Mud play “Muddy Boots” one last time, just for her sake, but clearly she cannot hold a candle to these two Mud Mountain Murphy superfans who have presumably spent the last 24 hours or however long it’s been since Fergus’ previous concert in a state of deep depression and/or rage. Those facial expressions tell me that they’re in the midst of near-orgasmic ecstacy at the return of their hero, and probably were planning a suicide attack of some sort on him if he hadn’t returned to form tonight.

Marvin, 5/12/23

Obviously I’m never happy to see or think about Marvin, the character, but I kind of like knowing that even when I don’t see him, he’s busy making the lives of the other characters in the strip miserable, because honestly I’m not a big fan of those people either.

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Six Chix, 5/11/23

So the thing about “sudden,” as a noun, is that it has completely fallen out of use in English outside the set phrase “all of a sudden,” and even when it was in use there wasn’t any particularly strong syntactical or grammatical reason why it took an indefinite article in that phrase rather than a definite one, so it’s pretty natural for modern-day speakers to start reanalyzing and rearranging the phrase, and as long as people know what you mean it’s hard to say you’re doing it “wrong.” Still, some people care a lot about being right in linguistic matters; I found this out the hard way when I got into a discussion on the comments of this very blog in which I pointed out that “none” is not a contraction for “not one” and has always been used in both the singular and plural, with recorded uses of “none are” going back to Chaucer, and this caused one commenter to melt down at me and then quit the site altogether. I have my own odd things I’m overly attached to, of course, but at least none of them have me visualizing myself as an angry pulsing green blob holding the line against a bunch of purple blobs that look pretty chill, honestly.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/11/23

Now I’m imagining the elaborate beehive coif Snuffy had to create to fit his new hair under his hat so that nobody could catch even a glimpse of it while he dashed from his home to this cave, presumably so he wasn’t immediately burned at the stake for engaging in witchcraft. Granny Creeps is powerful enough, or helps enough leading citizens of the Holler with her potions, to avoid that fate herself, but a local layabout and troublemaker like Snuffy is the sort of person who might be made an example of.

Mary Worth, 5/11/23

There’s not a lot about Dr. Jeff I find particularly worthy of praise or envy, but despite being a core Mary Worth character he seems to not put a ton of effort into keeping up with Wilbur’s sex life, and you have to respect that.

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Gil Thorp, 5/10/23

Still not sure what a “Milford juvenile sports program manager” is or does, but apparently it pays pretty well, enough to get a penthouse at the Gaston (?) Building in Milford’s hip, historic warehouse district. Although based on the anecdote we’ve stumbled into, which involves a teen singing Cab Calloway music, it’s possible that Kaz and Gil are just immortal and eternally young and have been coaching youth athletics for at least 80 years, and Kaz might simply derive his riches from decades of compound interest.

Dennis the Menace, 5/10/23

So if I’m interpreting this right, Henry is getting a birthday cake at a “party” attended only by his wife and son, who he sees every day anyway, and his son proclaims that he “took care of the icing!” for a cake that fairly obviously has no icing. The overall bleakness is in fact quite menacing!

Hi and Lois, 5/10/23

In a conference room at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, a grim-faced business analyst is pointing at a PowerPoint slide with a graph on it. One line, labelled Marvin, keeps going up; another, labelled Hi and Lois, is in steady decline. Several of the assembled staff members are weeping openly, but others are clearly resolving themselves to do what they must.

Mary Worth, 5/10/23

Wow, this is quite a large boat that Jeff’s purchased, one that could accommodate a good number of passengers. Too bad they don’t have any friends! Seriously, who’s going to get an invite? Wilbur? Ian? Dr. Jeff’s son Dr. Drew lives with him so I’m sure they see quite enough of one another for everyone’s tastes. Guess he should’ve thought of that before he emptied out his 401k just to feel like a big shot for a single moment!