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Pluggers, 8/24/10

Well, here’s a sentence that I never, ever thought I’d have reason to type: I learned some interesting stuff from Pluggers today! A “clip joint” apparently is a bar where patrons are lured in, sometimes by the promise of adult entertainment, sometimes by pretty ladies asking passersby to come party with them; generally speaking the ladies have a drink or two with the poor mark and then slip out, at which point the victim discovers that the drinks were hundreds of dollars apiece (should have asked before ordering, bud) and there are some large, burly men there to make sure that he pays. This scam is or was popular in the mostly plugger-free locales of London and New York. This delightful factoid about the world’s seedy underground has really made my day, so, thanks, Pluggers! I guess pluggers don’t get hustled into these establishments because it’s pretty obvious that they don’t have any money to steal.

Mark Trail, 8/24/10

Longtime Mark Trail readers know in their bones that something is off about Stepfather here, so the fact that he’s so blithe about letting his wife’s little girl keep a tick-ridden wild animal as a pet sets off warning signals that some deeper horror is in the offing. “Why are you here, Trail… is it about my fence? Are you worried that I’m building a giant hunting enclosure, and that I’m going to have some of my rich buddies come and shoot little Lucky here and leave him to bleed to death, right in front of this adorable little girl? Is that what this is about? Because I can’t confirm or deny that at this time.”

Family Circus, 8/24/10

Big Daddy Keane is allowing himself a little smile because he now has another solid vote in favor of Operation Sell Jeffy, Or, If There Aren’t Any Takers, Just Give Him Away. All he needs is one more vote for a majority — and really, it shouldn’t be too hard to trick PJ into waving his little arm in the air at the right moment.

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Your comments of the week momentarily, but first: As I noted last week, this summer’s Gil Thorp storyline has been insultingly boring, not least because it has featured exactly zero instances of Coach Kaz being wacky. We weren’t even treated to another glimpse into his love dojo! Faithful reader Loramir provides some evidence of why this might be.

I confess, I’ve only read Gil Thorp this summer when you’ve posted it on the site, but apparently while Gil’s celebrating his success in bringing honesty back to golf, Coach Kaz has been hiring himself out again. Not, unfortunately, as a freelance badass — just as a yard man.

I encountered this truck the other day around town and figured I’d send the photo to the only other people I know of (possibly the only other people period) who care how Coach Kaz is spending his summer while Gil chills in the clubhouse: the Comics Curmudgeon and my fellow readers.

But we need to move on from this sadness and learn to love again, with help from the comment of the week!

“Is it me, or did the writer of A3G have an ‘oh shit’ moment when she was writing Mojo’s lines? ‘I’ve styled everyone from Beyonce…’ Oh crap, nobody in my target audience knows who that is! Uh … uh … ‘…to Helen Mirren.’ Saved it!” –Rumon

And the hilarious runners up!

“I call foul. They aren’t enjoying a real frolic until they’ve shared a sandwich.” –seismic-2

“I think Mary Worth is teaching us an important lesson about the inevitable random cruelty of urban vigilante fashion police. There’s no excuse for what they’ve done, but seriously: don’t ever go out on the streets in a vest, kids.” –Revenge of Chesnut

“That’s a hell of a big piece that gangster is riding around with in his sweet two-door Dodge Aries K. It’s a good thing he has that ice chest riding shotgun to help steady his aim.” –Edgy DC

“I’m glad they added ‘college student’ into that plugger joke’s calculus because ‘A plugger’s idea of a balanced meal is eating three processed foods with slightly different flavors’ would have been just too hard to believe.” –Fanshawe

“I had previously assumed one became a plugger only through soul-crushing life experience. I find it uplifting to deduce through the existence of college-age pluggers that it is a hereditary trait, and therefore one which I can almost certainly never acquire.” –Tess

“There is no way that is not Rusty in a Marlo Thomas wig. Who’s that girl? It’s Rusty.” –Jester

“I must say, considering Dr. Mike’s earlier histrionics he’s taking his father’s revelations with an alarming nonchalance. ‘So your best friend was brutally murdered in front of your very eyes and you left mom and me to go on a bloodthirsty campaign of vigilante justice? Fascinating, please go on.'” –Paddy

“Say what you will about 9 Chickweed Lane and Mary Worth (and I usually do), but as far as I know, they have yet to stoop to using hair cutting as a major plot point.” –TheDiva

“My initial reaction was also to be kind of judgmental about Lu Ann’s pathological obsession with getting her hair cut and seeming belief that it’s the worst thing that could possibly happen to a person, but I guess if I had to wake up every day to the chilling cautionary example that is Tommie, I might get a little squirrely on the subject myself.” –Violet

“I can’t think of a decade old enough to put jury duty jokes into.” –Alex

“So in Shoe’s grotesque avian parody of the human world, you can still smoke cigars in drug stores but Preparation H is available by prescription only?” –Joe Blevins

“Panel 5 of Mary Worth: Best Comb-over Depiction in A Dramatic Role.” –zenvelo

“Sam Driver weight-tested women’s shoes. Neddie had lunch with … some guy. April went on a thrilling, high stakes mission for the CIA, probably involving a car chase, a shootout, and lots of cool explosions. There was only time to follow two of those three storylines. And the creators of Judge Parker stand by their decision. –4 8 15 16 23 42

“‘Exchange data’? We didn’t call it that in my unspecified period of time.” –Zaratustra

“When Herb says, ‘I hate the way this show typifies the way women gossip,’ his obtuse verbiage is actually a psychological defense that indicates he’s lying to himself. What he really means is, ‘I love Gossip Girl.’” –BigTed

As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!

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Herb and Jamaal, 8/23/10

For years I have criticized Herb and Jamaal for being hilarious and ludicrously non-specific, but perhaps all this time I’ve been on the wrong track. Perhaps the strip is lousy with overlong descriptions of items and concepts not because of a horror of the concrete, but because of an aversion to brevity, with the author suffering from some strange compulsion to write each sentence in as many words as possible. Thus, Herb can’t just say “I hate the way women gossip”; he has to bump it up to “I hate the way this show typifies the way women gossip,” even though doing so makes it seem that Herb is really upset about misogynist representations of women’s communication styles in mass media, thus making him an inappropriate target for his wife’s righteous ire. I notice that there’s actually room for another line of text in that first-panel word balloon, so I’m surprised we didn’t take things out to another level of abstraction. Maybe we could have gotten into some metacognition, like “I’m really surprised by how strong my hateful reaction is to the way this show typifies the way women gossip” or something.

Marmaduke, 8/23/10

“Yes, nothing makes our evil dog hunger for human souls more than the mention of his greatest enemy, God. But since God is all-creating, He created Marmaduke; doesn’t this make Him unworthy of our worship?”