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Gil Thorp, 6/1/10

Oh, hey, look, it’s Gil Thorp, where the alt-country star/weirdo/pitching sensation just tried to bean that jerky rich kid from the NutBoy storyline during practice, because said jerky kid has been picking on said alt-country star’s bandmate. Please don’t ask me to explain in more detail or look up their names, as just typing that sentence caused me to start to twitch; today I’m mostly interested in how the team is taking sides in this epic battle. Robb has shown his hatred of bullying and injustice before, assuming that guy from last summer’s storyline is the same Robb; they don’t appear to look anything alike, but this is Gil Thorp, so that doesn’t mean anything, and how many guys named “Robb” can there be, really. Most fascinating is Team Blaine and Not-Blaine in panel three. Who are these mysterious, handsome young men? Why do they value in-group loyalty over social peace in the larger polity? Did they confer on this point before Not-Blaine spoke for both of them, or are their opinions so in tune that they didn’t feel such consultation was necessary? I look forward to none of these questions being answered, ever, but I’ll always remember the day they looked creepily at the reader and mouthed awkwardly written dialogue to move the plot along.

Ziggy, 6/1/10

Did you know that the parrot in Ziggy is named Josh? I have managed to avoid commenting on this shameful fact over nearly six years of comics blogging, but now that the damn bird is apparently trying to muscle in on my territory, I feel compelled to speak out. Hey, parrot, you appear to be shaking! You’d better be shaking in fear, because comics-mocking is my schtick, got it? There’s only one way a bird ought to be commenting on any printed matter, and that is by defecating on it.

(Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if Dagwood were confronted with a wrap, though? He’d presumably be baffled by any foodstuff introduced to mainstream American palates after 1945. Ha ha! Dagwood eating a wrOH GOD OH GOD DON’T LET THE BIRD GET TO YOU JOSH HOLD YOURSELF TOGETHER)

Mary Worth, 6/1/10

Aw, look, Mary has fixed the hell out of Bonnie and Ernie’s marriage, to the extent that they’re just going to start rutting right there in the hospital waiting room. How sweet! This handsome but obviously lovelorn doctor is so enchanted by Mary’s success that he’s found himself unwittingly falling into her gravity well.

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Completing my Monday evening lightning round blogging, I give you your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Lu Ann is trying to decide if kidnapping Margo’s fiancé, tying him up in the closet, and faking his death in Asia counts as ‘boyfriend stealing.’ Give her a moment.” –Black Drazon

And the almost-as-hilarious runners up!

“This can only end with Sassy trapped in a well.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“Glad to see that Herb and Jamaal made that vital leap from AOL to Hotmail, proving that they are always at least five years behind the most popular Internet program. Can’t wait until the 2015 version of the strip that tells us to visit the Herb and Jamaal Facebook page.” –Taquelli

“Come on, there is no way Lu Ann would be able to refrain from verbalizing her every thought, Spider-Man style.” –Steve S

“Wait, come back! You didn’t pay your bill!” –Calico

Re: Spider-Man: “The fact that the [comic book] is pretty good only serves to make newspaper Spider-Man worse. It’s a bit like if they made the New Testament into a newspaper strip, and it was Ziggy.” –Push Trot

“As a dog owner, I know that the best way to deal with a runaway dog is to stand in the doorway and try to reason with it.” –Iconoclast

“Luann’s mother clearly needs to be blitzed out of her mind to deal with her daughter in any way, shape, or form. This makes her the closest thing in the strip to an audience surrogate.” –Dragon of Life

“Why would anyone tell a young person, ‘Why do you feel the need to be romantic toward anyone?’ Maybe because I’m fueled by raging hormones, you lifeless, spirit-crushing robot. Her track goes somewhere: straight into the void where her soul should be.” –Joike

“Only in the world of Jack Elrod does one find a vet so dispassionate that he merely comments on a pup’s sure death as the collar-less stray runs off into Big City traffic. Mark’s next Sunday InfoStrip nugget: ‘Many veterinarians are avid taxidermists!'” –Bennui

“You’re a plugger if you think diabetes is a myth invented by lettuce farmers.” –mustang

“I wouldn’t be so sure that Bonnie has her shopping habit under control, considering that she just stopped to purchase a liter of blood.” –BigTed

“And I have good news about Ernie! He died in a car crash near the Aldo Memorial Crevasse while he was fleeing our loveless marriage! I can shop all I want, now!” –Snuggs

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And here’s where we might be giving thanks to advertisers like you! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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B.C., 5/31/10

With Johnny Hart’s grandson Mason Mastroianni firmly at the helm of the strip, at long last it can shake off its lassitude and take principled stands on current issues. For instance, there’s a major energy company whose sins of omission and commission have angered millions of Americans of late, and that company is … Enron? Eh, sure, why not. Logo’s sure easier to draw, right?

Apartment 3-G, 5/31/10

At least one employee of the Mills Gallery has the appropriate attitude for working there (i.e., constant, debilitating mortal terror). “NO, DON’T TALK TOO LOUDLY! SHE CAN HEAR US! SHE CAN ALWAYS HEAR US!”

Family Circus, 5/31/10

Ha ha! It’s another adorable malapropism from little Jeffy! Clearly the word he meant to use is “unemployable.”