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Your comment of the week shortly, but first, a few items! You may have heard that several cartoonists, including the odd couple of Stephan Pastis and Jeff Keane, recently travelled to Iraq to visit U.S. troops there. Well, one of said troops, faithful reader MolyBendum, got to chat with the former (if not the latter). If you missed his report in the comments, check it out!

Also! I received the following intriguing note from faithful reader David Shea:

I stumbled across a discarded poster today, and I thought you might be interested in seeing it. It depicts Mark Trail in his usual outdoorsy pose, and Andy, or perhaps a tuft of grass, suggests that you should attend the Corn Tassel Festival in Gainesville.

The Gainesville in question is Georgia’s, where a crafts festival has been held annually since 1966. The festival was renamed in 1993 when someone someone bothered to look up the namesake, George “Corn” Tassel, and found out that his greatest claim to fame was being hung for killing a dude in 1830. The case involves some legal sketchiness, since the Cherokee Nation probably had jurisdiction and Georgia hung George while things were being appealed, but still, no one wants that downer at their crafts festival, and it’s now known as the Mule Camp Market. Either way: Mark Trail.

And! Faithful reader Nigerian Business Executive sent me a link to this hilarious collection of comics mashups, which I had somehow missed.

And now it’s that time again … time for … COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I imagine the phrase ‘Don’t worry, Tommie. You won’t win’ plays over and over in her head pretty much constantly. Having someone say it out loud is just redundant.” –BigTed

And the runners-up! Also hilarious!

“The thing that really annoys me about Slylock Fox, as well as Encyclopedia Brown, for that matter, is that all you have to do to solve a mystery is catch the disreputable-looking character in a lie. ‘Rodney Rat wasn’t retrieving repellent, he was stealing money.’ I mean, really. He could have any number of embarrassing reasons for being out of his tent. ‘Actually, Slylock, I was masturbating.’ ‘Actually, Mr. Fox, I was trying to get the lady-duck over there to do some videos for my new foot-fetish site, Web of Lies.‘” –teddytoad

“Slylock wearing a suit, deerstalker cap, and a cape even in the desert? Total prick move. You’re not a superhero. You’re not even a lawman. You have no badge or license. You’re a rat-persecuting maniac, who trails Reeky and Rodney across the world, blaming every crime in a ten-mile radius on them. No wonder they’re reduced to living in tents.” –Strangefate

“I, for one, would like to know why the rabbit man is about to hand Rodney Rat a pair of trousers.” –ArtisticPlatypus

“I noticed today that Leroy Lockhorn’s feet are at least as long as his legs. Given these freakish new proportions (ultra short legs, rotund shape, giant nose, etc.), I can only assume that Leroy is secretly The Penguin. This can only improve the comic, as repeated guest appearances by Batman, increased explosions, and testing the latest umbrella-weapon on Loretta have vast entertainment potential.” –Alan’s Addiction

“After Tommie gets her makeover on I Dressed In the Dark, she’ll be ready to co-star in Margo’s new reality series, I Really Deserve a Punch In the Throat.” –Patrick

“Tommie needs the more intensive makeover offered by I Will Die Alone Then Be Eaten By My Dozens Of Cats.” –Ed Dravecky

“Reveal: I Dressed In the Dark will turn out not to be a makeover show. It’s a hard-hitting documentary about street people, and the producers have been humoring Ruby in the belief that she is queen of the hobos.” –Tim Cavanaugh

“I can’t believe that Cathy did something meta. Now meta has been ruined for everyone.” –Nekrotzar

“I am looking carefully at panel three and admiring the evidence that even campfire smoke obeys Mark’s mighty will. At ordinary campfires, smoke insists on rising and even gets in people’s eyes. This smoke, not wanting to be punched, cowers low.” –Poteet

“The only reality show Ruby and Tommie should audition for is I Dressed Under the Full Glare of Florescent Lighting.” –Victoria Dunn

“When I see someone with outspread arms, an expression of agony, and a glow around his head, I assume I’m looking at a crucifix. Duncan’s other big secret, apparently, is that he is the Son of God, dying for the sins of the world. I am baffled by this plotline.” –sarahtheawesome

“I love the jump to the third panel, where Gil is relating the conversation to Mrs. Thorp. ‘So he’s all, I’m laying bare my emotional distress to you, blah blah, my brother’s in jail and I cry all the time, waaaah. Poor kid, right? It’s all he can think about and absolutely no one gives a shit. Especially not me.'” –Mollie

“Ruby says Tommie’s clothes are ‘just’ boring. Just? Ruby, honey, Tommie’s got boring down to an art. She took a vow of extreme boring many years ago and has been a faithful practitioner ever since. She’s a professional bore-meister. If Tommie suddenly stripped naked and started humping the sofa arm, the only notice anyone would take is to straighten the doily.” –Farley’s Revenge

“I’m not entirely convinced that Duncan’s brother is actually incarcerated. To me, it looks more like Duncan is just experimenting with a new, hip alternative to the classic ‘In my pants’ joke, leading to some wacky misunderstandings when people take him seriously — IN PRISON!” –yuudai

“Why do I find Bernice sexy? Because she is unattainable? I better discuss this with my therapist later.” –LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL

“I like Gil’s dim awareness of Duncan’s family situation. ‘Davey, right? I have vague memories of fucking up another Daley’s life six or seven years ago. It’s all a blur. Every year, they come to me poised at the brink of manhood, loaded with testosterone, and highly vulnerable to bad decisions. I should try and help steer them, but I’ve got the playdowns to worry about. Speaking of which, Dunc, how’d you like to kill Marty Moon for me?'” –Edgy DC

“Why is Ziggy even in the hospital in the first place? He looks fine. And by ‘fine,’ I mean more or less how I would assume a squat, bald dwarf with no pants on should look.” –Indichik

“What the heck kind of a prison is that? Karate prison?” –the good ship thetis

“Lousy joke aside, I am glad Ziggy is finally addressing his anal leakage problem. As is every one else who rides the bus.” –NoahSnark

“Duncan Daley is clearly exploiting his brother’s predicament as a path to realizing his bicurious identical twins fantasy. Croquet indeed, boys; break out those mallets! Meanwhile, Jailbird Daley provokes a guy who regrets patronizing Prince Valiant’s barber.” –Jessie

“Mud? In Dennis the Menace? Oh, I wish that were mud, but we both know that’s not true.” –Victor Von

“I like the fact that in deference to the elderly (the last demographic on Earth who read Rex Morgan non-ironically) the narration box refers to the escapees as an ‘older’ couple, rather than using a more straightforward terms such as ‘old,’ ‘cogerish,’ or ‘overly entitled Alzheimer-crazed gatecrashers.'” –Jake Morgendorffer

“Just so everyone’s clear, Mark refers to his left and right fist as ‘The Rangers.'” –Digger

“I was so taken with the new FW mission statement in panel three that it took me all day to realize that I don’t really give shit what happens to Cory.” –C. Havoc

Three cheers for everyone who put cash into my tip jar! And cheers also to my advertisers:

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Apartment 3-G, 10/26/09

Oh my goodness, is flowzy floozy Bobbie Merrill trying to worm her way into my heart, or does this sort of behavior just come naturally to the pill-addled blonde? She knows how the world works, of course — you send a gift basket to the crooked head-shrinker who’ll write a script for whatever it is you’re jonesing for when you show off some ankle; that much is given. But that doesn’t mean that she has to like how the sordid game is played, or that she has to make nice with the gift basket industry that profits from these little social niceties or the concierges who piggyback on for the ride and expect their own cut. No, Bobbie has bigger fish to fry, and by “bigger fish” she means “a tractor-trailer full of Ambien,” and by “fry” she means “rob at gunpoint.”

Mark Trail, 10/26/09

You know what would be completely hilarious and rad? If Mark were really serious about leaving the swamp tomorrow without even a cursory attempt to track down the poachers vigilante-style and punch them. “Sorry, fellas, I’m on vacation! You can kill and skin all the alligators you want, see if I care.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/26/09

Wait a minute, Baldy “Punk Rocker” “Earrings” McPunky O’Thug’s real name (or real nickname) is Cue? As in a cue ball, which is white and spherical, much like Cue’s head? This is the greatest moment in Rex Morgan Sinister Bad Guy Billiards-Related Naming since the appearance of a black drug dealer named Eightball.

Presumably Cue will learn from his offscreen media-savvy friend that there’s a big reward out for these runaways, and will heroically drive them back to their substandard nursing home, where he’ll be lauded at a press conference and receive the key to the city from the mayor. Meanwhile, Becka and Tim will continue to drive aimlessly around soggy golf courses, staying out so late that Becka’s husband will suspect her of infidelity, leading to further marital turmoil, divorce, and emotional anguish. You may think that sounds harsh, but I want every non-Cue, non-Alzheimers-afflicted character in this story to suffer terribly. Even Rex and June should be punished, for abandoning us to this mess.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/26/09

“Things can always get worse” = the new Funky Winkerbean mission statement, obviously. The only question: is that cop ringing the doorbell to announce that Cory’s dead, or that one or more people are dead because Cory killed them?

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Judge Parker, 10/25/09

I know I’ve been kind of missing in action over the past several Judge Parker storylines, as they just haven’t had that classic mixture of ludicrous and emotionally detached that first drew me to this strip. But I have high hopes for the noir-ish plot brewing now. “D’Vito” is a transparent Bernie Madoff stand-in who was gunned down hours after making bail, and “Henry” is one of his victims, an apparent patsy set up for the murder — oh, and also dying of colon cancer.

Anyway, coming events promise to offer lots of opportunities my favorite Judge Parker recurring theme: that the privileged main characters can just barrel ahead and do whatever the hell they want because rules don’t apply to them. Sam, smelling a rat in this case, visited Henry in jail and essentially told him (Henry) to that he (Sam) would be serving as his (Henry’s) defense attorney, a proposition to which Henry never actually agreed pre se. Nevertheless, I’m sure that the police will allow Sam’s law partner to poke around all the potential evidence in Henry’s house. Also, in those first two panels: lying to get evidence from someone who may be a potential witness or co-conspirator? Sure, why not? All that, and soothing a troubled millionaire whose feeling are apparently tender after he assaulted a photographer are all in a day’s work for Sam Driver: Smug Dick at Law! Oh, and as panel three assures us, there will also be breasts.

Slylock Fox, 10/25/09

Is this the cruelest Slylock Fox Sunday mystery ever? One must picture Max Mouse, finally allowed to go work on a case on his own for once, carefully counting off the paces in some rural backwater, digging enormous holes with a shovel three times as long as he his tall, desperately looking for Slick Smitty’s ill-gotten gain — all while the perp himself is just standing there with his girlfriend, laughing. You have to imagine the level of anxiety he must have reached before he finally pulled out his itty-bitty cell phone to call his boss, who will of course never allow him out of the house alone again now that he’s shown his incompetence at basic ratiocination. It’s a sad, sad day for tiny prey mammals.

Dennis the Menace, 10/25/09

I have to kind of admit that I kind of like this Dennis the Menace for the glimpse it offers us into Henry and Alice’s bucolic pre-Dennis lives. I imagine them in college, both of them tall, gangly young people recruited for their skills on the volleyball court. I like the thought of a pair of mirror-image crushes from afar — Henry attending games played by the women’s team, Alice going to the men’s games, each pair of eyes settling on a player that strikes their fancy, with a long physique that looked good in those short volleyball shorts. Then, at a party thrown by members of one or the other team, the two finally work up the nerve to talk to one another, and, over a few cheap keg beers, begin to see the dim but hopeful outlines of a future together. It will be a future dominated by their awful, hated son, of course, but it would be impossible for them to know that, so let’s leave them for the moment in their youthful happiness.

On that note, I also appreciate the fact that the strip has left to our imagination exactly how Dennis has managed to turn a game of volleyball played in an apparently dry yard into some kind of mud-soaked nightmare.

Beetle Bailey, 10/25/09

In light of the many Beetle Bailey strips that depict man-on-tree sex, I find at least one form of camouflage depicted here particularly troubling.