I have just completed my review of the Saturday comics, and I fear that this is the only one that has moved me to comment:
Pluggers, 3/7/09
Pluggers are terribly constipated, but they don’t trust any medication or treatment developed after 1925.
I apologize for the foregoing. Hopefully Sunday’s strips will be more inspiring.
Mark Trail, 3/6/09
I’ve been trying, and failing, to come up with a funny about what appears to be the terrible, terrible ending to this Mark Trail storyline, in which we get to see Patty, after months of living in obvious and sustained terror of her slap-happy, quick-trigger husband, groveling for his forgiveness. It’s OK, you see, because he took his medicine (in the form of some antlers to the solar plexus), and he only did it because he loved her too damn much! Ha ha ha! We should have all known that Ken would turn out to be a good guy because, hey, the man can trim off his facial hair like a pro. And now they’ll live happily ever after, until the murder-suicide.
Mary Worth, 3/6/09
Now, passive-aggressive psychological manipulation in relationships — that’s all good fun. “It also makes people check their common sense at the door! Emotions sometime override intelligent thought! Why, you can find yourself trapped with someone who isn’t as they seem, whose sweetness and light in public disguise their need to control and …” “Jeff, I’ve said repeatedly that Adrian will be fine — why are you still talking? Do you want to be banished back to first base for the rest of the month? Do you?”
Gil Thorp, 3/6/09
Good lord, look at the pupils on New Wave Hairstyle Girl Whose Name I Don’t Know in panel one. By “Ashley,” she clearly means “that enormous bag of Ecstasy I bought yesterday.”
Funky Winkerbean, 3/6/09
Teen Lesbian Locker Room Hookers — coming up next, on the Spice Channel.
Beetle Bailey, 3/5/09
Our soldiers are refusing to take performance-enhancing drugs, like steroids, because they prefer non-performance-enhancing drugs, like heroin.
Blondie, 3/5/09
Dagwood’s transformation into a Howard Hughes-style, urine-jar-storing shut-in begins today.
Dennis the Menace, 3/5/09
“Plus you keep downloading viruses from all those porn sites.”
(Possibly more menacing alternative: “Plus I keep downloading viruses from all those porn sites.”)
Family Circus, 3/5/09
Jeffy finds himself encrusted with filth with such depressing regularity that he has established some sort of rating system for it.
Hi and Lois, 3/5/09
Hi and Lois is attempting to match Ziggy’s patented brand of second-rate empty-background existentialist absurdism — and, sadly, coming up fairly short.