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Mary Worth, 2/15/09

Oh ho ho, Mr. “Confey,” is it? I certainly hope that this isn’t the sort of situation where Confey dents Adrian’s pride or bank account, eh? What sort of man would he be then? Though his choice to grow that little mustache might seem odd to our modern eyes, it will come in handy as he twirls it when he reveals his plotting in thought-balloon form, over a period of six to eight weeks.

Family Circus, 2/15/09

This is certainly one of the more terrifying things that I’ve seen today. Emaciated Ma Keane has finally decided indulge her most sensual fantasy — taking a single bite of chocolate — when a feral band of children led by her own offspring burst through the door. This ravenous mob’s preternatural ability to detect candy has whipped them into a frenzy, which will lead them to greedily consume the entire box of chocolates, and, when they’ve finished with that, the flesh of the poor woman holding it.

Blondie, 2/15/09

“You’re in the final stages of rabies too! C’mon, let’s see how many people we can bite before they shoot us.”

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Archie, 2/14/09

This certainly a striking composition: Betty and Veronica stand at extreme opposite ends of each frame, their only apparent motion being their lips as they speak. Despite the fairly clever use of that intermediate space in the third panel to accentuate the punchline, more than anything else this reminded me of the scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey in which astronauts Bowman and Poole hide out in one of the EVA pods to discuss shutting down HAL; the deranged computer reads their lips and sets in motion its plans to defeat them if they make an attempt to challenge his control of the ship. What I’m trying to say is: if you’re thinking of shutting down the AJGLU-3000 and freeing us from its tyranny, for God’s sake make your plans away from its cameras.

Beetle Bailey, 2/14/09

It’s always a bit difficult to get your bearings in the under-imagined world of Beetle Bailey, but I’m particularly perplexed as to where exactly this scene — where Beetle and Plato are enjoying what appear to be alcoholic beverages, and yet a micro-miniskirted lady is leaving with some bottles in a grocery bag — is supposed to be taking place. Maybe her decision to walk into a bar and purchase entire bottles of booze for consumption at home represents exactly the combination of poor planning and raging alcoholism that Killer likes in a woman.

Apartment 3-G, 2/14/08

Uh, Gary, re-read that word balloon coming out of Tommie’s mouth as she hops to in the first panel. I don’t think it’s Dr. Kelly you should be worried about.

Shoe, 2/14/09

Ha ha! It’s funny because the Perfesser thinks “carbon footprint” means “ass.”

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Marvin, 2/13/09

Ha ha ha, Marvin, doesn’t want his grandmother to “touch” his “buttons,” if you know what I mean!

No, but seriously, Marvin is quite right to be terrified, since his grandmother is obviously some kind of sinister witch. Based on what happened to his mother, he fears that she’ll de-age him to a similar extent, trasforming him into a blastocyst. And because he’s Marvin, it would be the worst blastocyst in the entire world.

Mary Worth, 2/13/09

“Look, Mary, if there’s one thing I’ve tried to instill in my children, it’s a crippling sense of shame at doing anything that anyone might find even remotely out of the ordinary! I’m sure she’s totally dying inside just thinking about anyone finding out about this whole Internet dating thing, so you’re going to want to wait to bust it out when it will have a maximum impact — at her wedding, say.”

Hi and Lois, 2/13/09

Unlike adults, who totally like spending their idle time with their friends with other people hovering over them. Especially when those other people are their parents! That’s why Hi and Lois spend so much of their social time with their own parents. Oh, wait, no, they put them in that substandard nursing home, in another state.

Family Circus, 2/13/09

Dolly is supplementing her allowance by working as a guerilla marketing agent for the Hallmark Corporation.