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Shoe, 8/12/07

Sunday’s Shoe is the latest in an occasional series I like to call “Jokes that hint distastefully at the Perfesser’s sex life.” The throwaway panel features a pointless statement about “eyes being well-rested” (one usually only talks about resting one’s eyes if one is a late-middle-aged uncle claiming not to be napping) that only serves to set up a punchline making hay from the Perfesser’s tendency to ogle women so blatantly that it makes them uncomfortable. Later, we get an extended riff that hints broadly at impotence, always a non-stop laugh riot, and then goes further by drawing a connection between the ability to achieve an erection and the ability to sit passively on the couch and receive hundreds of channels of mind-numbing, lowest-common-denominator entertainment. At least panel four can be enjoyed on its own because it looks looks like the Perfesser is contemplating jumping to his death.

Hi and Lois, 8/12/07

Gosh, Lois, those are good questions! Why is it that when it comes to this vacation, all the “good” parts for your kids involved “suffering” or “pain” or “humiliation”? Or “all of the above”? What would make them “enjoy” those sorts of experiences? Let’s ask someone who might have an “idea” about that:

Ouch, the truth hurts! Which is just how the Flagston kids like it.

Finally, Sunday’s Crock’s throwaway panel tells you pretty much all you need to know about the strip’s politics:

Equal rights, you say? Oh..oh indeed!

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Sunday comics coming … Monday, probably, but the week’s comment of the week waits for no man! Or woman.

“‘I wish I had that stuff in my room’ is my new favorite pick-up line.” –BlinkAndItsOver

Also funny: The runners up.

“Gil Thorp reminds me of a seagull I once saw at the beach. It had no legs, and every time it came down to land it would seem genuinely surprised and flummoxed by its lack of legs and flap back up into the air. I must have watched it for half an hour. As with GT, at first you feel pity and wonder if the kindest thing would be to dash its brains out with a rock. But the longer you watch, the more you start to see it as a sort of cosmic metaphor for the absurdity of existence, full of tragedy and humour. But I’m still back at the ‘dashing its brains out’ stage with GT. Or dashing my own brains out. Either way.” –Old Bean

“The Phantom is going to torture the bad guys using Pavlov’s classical conditioning? Damn, this comic just got a heck of a lot more interesting, and a heck of a lot more boring, at the same time.” –Lammergeier13

“Dr. McWhitepants is only concerned that Drew is looking at a rap for statutory rape because no woman old enough to consent to sex would be caught dead in that hideous purple outfit.” –Tracer Bullet

“What on earth happened to Dr. Drew’s jaw between panel 1 and 2? In panel 1, he looks like his usual ‘Eddie Munster’ self. In panel 2 his jawline has the plant-crushing possibilities of an A. robustus, leaving us to wonder whether his improbable haircut is hiding the sort of sagittal crest we find on early hominids. Dawn probably is ‘too young’ for this unfrozen caveman.” –Frank Parsnip

“I imagine Margo would be quite a bit like a cheetah in the sack: a flurry of claws and teeth that ends in about three minutes.” –Tweeks_Coffee

“So why were the Shawna-Marie wedding guests searching for the Undynamic Duo? This is so obvious that it’s probably already been said, but maybe the guests had a moment of mass clarity and were seeking to kill them.” –Poteet

“So Thérèse talked Anthony into growing the mustache because it made him look professional, eh? And he talked her into having a baby she didn’t want. Golly gee, I guess that makes them even then.” –Eats Shoots And Leaves

“Wait, the desk manager recognizes MJ from Entertainment Tonight? This could ruin their vacation! Oh, television, you really ARE the only super-villain in Spider-Man!” –Trilobite

“You know, you gotta hand it to Françoise. Two years ago, she was nursing at the man-boob of her father. And now she’s giving him fashion advice. Maybe she’ll also tell him that his Sansabelt slacks make him seem old. Oh, and his view of women in the workplace, too.” –mumbles

“Why the heck is Nosy Older Doctor actually saying ‘wink’? What’s his next line going to be: ‘I bet she’s great in bed, what with those awesome titties! Erection!'” –Inspector Dim

“Whenever I’m trying to get a message across on the sly, I always make sure to say ‘wink’ as I do it, lest my salacious intent be confused for palsies.” –js

“I think you’re underestimating Leroy’s affinity for the avant-garde world of modern art, as he clearly seems to be sporting a pair of male leggings.” –Melissa G

“I’d always assumed that Judge Parker was a criminal court judge or something. I’m starting to suspect, however, that he is actually just a judge in the local wet t-shirt contests.” –Darkefang

“I don’t think I quite get the meaning behind Bill Ritter’s speech in Gil Thorp today. ‘The other guy can only run so far!’ Before being confronted by my junk, that is! Seriously. He can only go two panels max before I shove my crotch in his face.” –zooby

“I hope Françoise is just doing this to set them up with each other so that, while they’re busy obsessing over each other, she can escape the comic unnoticed. You go, girl. No, really, go. Far away from these freaks.” –commodorejohn

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Apartment 3-G, 8/11/07

WOO-HOO, ALAN’S BEATNIK BUDDY IS BACK! If you don’t remember this bad-news countercultural type, check out his first appearance, from more than a year ago. Crazy kick! I don’t know if we knew before today that his name was “Jones,” though. I wonder if this fellow is actually the Archie gang’s resident nonconformist, Jughead Jones, all grown up, who’s traded his first name and his felt crown for a soul patch and a gig dealing weed (“good”) and smack (“bad”).

Momma, 8/11/07

I was going to write a screed about how if you weren’t a dedicated Momma reader, you wouldn’t get the “joke” of today’s strip, which is that Francis doesn’t really have a steady job and so “getting up and going to work” probably means putting in applications or working at one of his various menial but otherwise not particularly stressful jobs and that based on the level of dishevelment in his hovel, you might assume that he did literally work in a salt mine, albeit one with complimentary wake-up calls, and that furthermore this meant that nobody would get the “joke” in today’s Momma because there was no such thing as a dedicated Momma reader, but then I realized that I was a dedicated Momma reader and that I got the “joke” (keeping in mind that “getting” is not the same as “being amused by”). Then I was sad.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/11/07

Good news, everyone! Hugh’s conscious and his histrionics levels are back to normal!

Judge Parker, 8/11/07

All right, Judge Parker, you’ve been waving those things around all week trying to get my attention, so here it is: boobs. BOOBS. Boobs boobily boobs boob. BOOBS. Are you happy now?

Mark Trail, 8/11/07

Speaking of boobs: You’d think that Sam, who’s been through a lot with Mark, would take the lead in thanking him for his help in saving this small-town airport, which help mostly took the form of violence and threats of the same, but it’s her dad who’s doing all the jawing here. Still, in panel three it does sort of appear that she’s about to thank him … visually.

And now, a little something for the ladies…

Gil Thorp, 8/11/07

Legitimate questions were raised about whether yesterday’s crotchtastic Gil Thorp was really as crotchy as all that, or if it was perhaps just the view through Bill Ritter’s boxing gloves. There’s really no doubt today, though. No, sir. That’s quite the crotch shot. Yep.

By the way, if Bill were holding a pack of cigarettes and wearing chaps, panel three would look uncannily like an enormous Marlboro billboard that loomed a mere two blocks from my high school when I was a kid, I swear to God.

The Lockhorns, 8/11/07

Ha! It’s funny because Leroy has a crippling problem with alcohol! Funny!

Beetle Bailey, 8/11/07

Ha! It’s funny because General Halftrack has a crippling problem with alcohol, and is so drunk that he’s managed to intoxicate his golf ball, in defiance of all the laws of biology and physics! Funny!