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Sunday comics coming … Monday, probably, but the week’s comment of the week waits for no man! Or woman.

“‘I wish I had that stuff in my room’ is my new favorite pick-up line.” –BlinkAndItsOver

Also funny: The runners up.

“Gil Thorp reminds me of a seagull I once saw at the beach. It had no legs, and every time it came down to land it would seem genuinely surprised and flummoxed by its lack of legs and flap back up into the air. I must have watched it for half an hour. As with GT, at first you feel pity and wonder if the kindest thing would be to dash its brains out with a rock. But the longer you watch, the more you start to see it as a sort of cosmic metaphor for the absurdity of existence, full of tragedy and humour. But I’m still back at the ‘dashing its brains out’ stage with GT. Or dashing my own brains out. Either way.” –Old Bean

“The Phantom is going to torture the bad guys using Pavlov’s classical conditioning? Damn, this comic just got a heck of a lot more interesting, and a heck of a lot more boring, at the same time.” –Lammergeier13

“Dr. McWhitepants is only concerned that Drew is looking at a rap for statutory rape because no woman old enough to consent to sex would be caught dead in that hideous purple outfit.” –Tracer Bullet

“What on earth happened to Dr. Drew’s jaw between panel 1 and 2? In panel 1, he looks like his usual ‘Eddie Munster’ self. In panel 2 his jawline has the plant-crushing possibilities of an A. robustus, leaving us to wonder whether his improbable haircut is hiding the sort of sagittal crest we find on early hominids. Dawn probably is ‘too young’ for this unfrozen caveman.” –Frank Parsnip

“I imagine Margo would be quite a bit like a cheetah in the sack: a flurry of claws and teeth that ends in about three minutes.” –Tweeks_Coffee

“So why were the Shawna-Marie wedding guests searching for the Undynamic Duo? This is so obvious that it’s probably already been said, but maybe the guests had a moment of mass clarity and were seeking to kill them.” –Poteet

“So Thérèse talked Anthony into growing the mustache because it made him look professional, eh? And he talked her into having a baby she didn’t want. Golly gee, I guess that makes them even then.” –Eats Shoots And Leaves

“Wait, the desk manager recognizes MJ from Entertainment Tonight? This could ruin their vacation! Oh, television, you really ARE the only super-villain in Spider-Man!” –Trilobite

“You know, you gotta hand it to Françoise. Two years ago, she was nursing at the man-boob of her father. And now she’s giving him fashion advice. Maybe she’ll also tell him that his Sansabelt slacks make him seem old. Oh, and his view of women in the workplace, too.” –mumbles

“Why the heck is Nosy Older Doctor actually saying ‘wink’? What’s his next line going to be: ‘I bet she’s great in bed, what with those awesome titties! Erection!'” –Inspector Dim

“Whenever I’m trying to get a message across on the sly, I always make sure to say ‘wink’ as I do it, lest my salacious intent be confused for palsies.” –js

“I think you’re underestimating Leroy’s affinity for the avant-garde world of modern art, as he clearly seems to be sporting a pair of male leggings.” –Melissa G

“I’d always assumed that Judge Parker was a criminal court judge or something. I’m starting to suspect, however, that he is actually just a judge in the local wet t-shirt contests.” –Darkefang

“I don’t think I quite get the meaning behind Bill Ritter’s speech in Gil Thorp today. ‘The other guy can only run so far!’ Before being confronted by my junk, that is! Seriously. He can only go two panels max before I shove my crotch in his face.” –zooby

“I hope Françoise is just doing this to set them up with each other so that, while they’re busy obsessing over each other, she can escape the comic unnoticed. You go, girl. No, really, go. Far away from these freaks.” –commodorejohn

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Apartment 3-G, 8/11/07

WOO-HOO, ALAN’S BEATNIK BUDDY IS BACK! If you don’t remember this bad-news countercultural type, check out his first appearance, from more than a year ago. Crazy kick! I don’t know if we knew before today that his name was “Jones,” though. I wonder if this fellow is actually the Archie gang’s resident nonconformist, Jughead Jones, all grown up, who’s traded his first name and his felt crown for a soul patch and a gig dealing weed (“good”) and smack (“bad”).

Momma, 8/11/07

I was going to write a screed about how if you weren’t a dedicated Momma reader, you wouldn’t get the “joke” of today’s strip, which is that Francis doesn’t really have a steady job and so “getting up and going to work” probably means putting in applications or working at one of his various menial but otherwise not particularly stressful jobs and that based on the level of dishevelment in his hovel, you might assume that he did literally work in a salt mine, albeit one with complimentary wake-up calls, and that furthermore this meant that nobody would get the “joke” in today’s Momma because there was no such thing as a dedicated Momma reader, but then I realized that I was a dedicated Momma reader and that I got the “joke” (keeping in mind that “getting” is not the same as “being amused by”). Then I was sad.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/11/07

Good news, everyone! Hugh’s conscious and his histrionics levels are back to normal!

Judge Parker, 8/11/07

All right, Judge Parker, you’ve been waving those things around all week trying to get my attention, so here it is: boobs. BOOBS. Boobs boobily boobs boob. BOOBS. Are you happy now?

Mark Trail, 8/11/07

Speaking of boobs: You’d think that Sam, who’s been through a lot with Mark, would take the lead in thanking him for his help in saving this small-town airport, which help mostly took the form of violence and threats of the same, but it’s her dad who’s doing all the jawing here. Still, in panel three it does sort of appear that she’s about to thank him … visually.

And now, a little something for the ladies…

Gil Thorp, 8/11/07

Legitimate questions were raised about whether yesterday’s crotchtastic Gil Thorp was really as crotchy as all that, or if it was perhaps just the view through Bill Ritter’s boxing gloves. There’s really no doubt today, though. No, sir. That’s quite the crotch shot. Yep.

By the way, if Bill were holding a pack of cigarettes and wearing chaps, panel three would look uncannily like an enormous Marlboro billboard that loomed a mere two blocks from my high school when I was a kid, I swear to God.

The Lockhorns, 8/11/07

Ha! It’s funny because Leroy has a crippling problem with alcohol! Funny!

Beetle Bailey, 8/11/07

Ha! It’s funny because General Halftrack has a crippling problem with alcohol, and is so drunk that he’s managed to intoxicate his golf ball, in defiance of all the laws of biology and physics! Funny!

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Crankshaft, 8/10/07

If there’s one thing that redeems Crankshaft for me, its the fact that the title character really does live up to his name. He’s always angry about something — or about everything — all the time. Take today’s strip, for example. Most people in this situation saying this word would be making a light-hearted little joke. You might expect them have a smile on their face — or, in this context, the patented Funky Winkerbean/Crankshaft gentle smirk. Not the ’Shaft, though. He’s regarding that feeble little sapling with the same look of unbridled hate and rage that he also uses on his yuppie neighbors, the children who ride his bus, his friends, and his own family. When he says “timberrr!”, he’s saying, “Hey, little tree, I know you didn’t get to choose where your seed landed. I know that you’re an example of the magic of life, of that genetic code that orders everything alive to reproduce and to grow, even the harshest of circumstances. I know all this and I don’t care. You’re in my gutter and I’m going to kill you. Fuck you, little tree.”

Mark Trail, 8/10/07

Did you ever notice that Mark never punches rich people? His fists of fury seem almost exclusively aimed at low-life hillbillies like Buzzard, occasionally deigning to sock out a lower-middle-class striver like Diver Dan. I used to think this was part of some ugly class-based agenda in the strip, but today we see the real reason: rich people are cowards. I’m guessing Mark is starting to ever so gradually clench his right fist just below the bottom of the first panel, leading to Leo’s terrified sweat balls and eventual confession. “He did it! Him! Punch him, not me!” The poor either aren’t afraid to get a facefull of Trail knuckles, or aren’t perceptive enough to recognize the incipient fisticuffs and surrender in advance.

Gil Thorp, 8/10/07

Speaking of punching, the next time Mark decides to punch someone, could we see him winding up looking through the undercrotch of the punchee? Failing that, could every comic in every newspaper just be replaced by today’s Gil Thorp, forever? Thanks.

Hi and Lois, 8/10/07

Hey, look, kids, it’s a ghost! That is, if you think “some dude being paid minimum wage to wear an old-timey miner outfit” is some sort of acceptable substitute for “a ghost.” Considering Hi ruined his family financially to go on this vacation, this is a pretty poor showing.

Mary Worth continues to be ludicrous, of course, but nothing I say could match t.a.m.s.y.’s Mary Worth/TDIET mashup.