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We mock, but cartoonists’ lives are hard. The drumbeat deadline, day after day for decades, enfevers the brain ’til it cries out, “Stop!” And stop it does — every cartoonist has a trademark way of putting the strip on autopilot so they can take a freaking break. And February, when the days are grey and the year ahead looks endless, is a great time to knock off for a bit. Here’s how they do it:

Crankshaft, 2/6/08

Tom Batiuk relaxes by expanding weak puns into multiple panels for weeks on end. This one is part of a recurring series, “Crankshaft mispronounces stuff.” The setup is completely arbitrary: Ed doesn’t cook, and wouldn’t use a frou-frou ingredient like balsamic vinegar if he did. If you really must make sense of it, assume that vinegar is Ed’s beverage of choice and they ran out of malt.

Dick Tracy, 2/6/08

Dick Lochler just hits the “pause” button on his calendar. Honestly, Chief Liz has known for more than a month that having your “gross” portrait in the museum gets you disappeared — that’s why she called Dick in the first place. Today’s strip is the equivalent of, “Yeah — what you said.” Somebody needs his Gretchen.

Curtis, 2/6/08

Ray Billingsley famously repeats the same themes year after year (this one is “Curtis’s Black History Month essay”). I suppose we should be grateful that Curtis recycles its material every year — Marmaduke does it every freaking day.

Get Fuzzy, 2/6/08

Darby Conley creates some of the best characters on the comics page today, but everybody deserves a break, and goddammit, he’s taking one. Lately, he seems to have taken to his bosom the cause of the television industry writers’ strike — an issue of pressing concern to no one on the face of the earth.* Phone us when you get back, pal.

– Uncle Lumpy

* Emphatically not true! See discussion in the comments, and retraction at #144

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/5/08

In Rex Morgan, M.D., clueless yuppies Rex and June Morgan wait in lines, drive in circles, play golf and natter on about ice cream. Meanwhile, all the interesting people they meet in their pointless existence get shot, kidnapped, lost at sea or incinerated, to the reader’s great loss. Sufferin’ Lee here will soon join their ranks — the only suspense is the nature of his demise. But before he goes, I want to thank him for proving that Rex Morgan, M.D. will practice medicine, although only when threatened at gunpoint.

Judge Parker, 2/5/08

What appears to be a modest flirtation between Hero Steve and “Get Me a Sandwich” Fake Law Partner Gloria thinly masks Gloria’s desperate search for a surgeon to correct her failing eyesight. If she doesn’t get those lids up soon, it’ll be the blind leading the lame all the way to the bus stop.

Apartment 3G, 2/5/08

OK, this has nothing to do with medicine, except that Alan’s gonna need some if he keeps up this guff. Great to see Margo back on her game after her brief dark night of the soul. And while it’s common for Apartment 3G to introduce a guy who looks like every other guy in this strip, this is the first mop that looks like every other guy in the strip.

P.S. In case you missed this post by faithful reader name (yes, that’s right), the Sunday Toronto Star carried this thoughtful article about both comic strip mockery and why tired strips survive. The article quotes Josh, and offers links to This Week in Milford, Reynard Noir, and several other local favorites. Worth a look!

Uncle Lumpy

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Goodness gracious, is it Monday already? I am actually going to be away for the next couple of days, but the inimitable Uncle Lumpy will be filling in; I’ll be back on Thursday 2/7. In the meantime, it’s time for more COTW goodness:

“Some advice for our would-be killers in Mark Trail today: instead of trying to bonk him inconclusively with your pontoons, why not try shooting him with your bullets? If you lose track of him, just listen for the sound of someone yelling instructions to his dog.” –Inspector Dim

And the usual runner-uppery:

“Is it just me, or does Vera’s new boyfriend look a lot like Rick Astley? I can see why she would be interested in someone who’s never gonna give her up, never gonna let her down, and never gonna run around and desert her, because Drew Cory is obviously none of these things.” –GJ

“If Francisco Franco had decided to defeat the Republicans by challenging them to a game of hoops, rather than brutally murdering them with the help of the Luftwaffe, Picasso’s Guernica would have turned out like the second panel of today’s Gil Thorp.” –Nekrotzar

“Andrew looks kinda sad. I guess if I were a hideous, half-formed conjoined twin growing out of Andre the Giant’s back, I’d be pretty bummed too.” –Rhekarid

“Had I been asked to bet which comic strip character could deliver the word ‘mumble’ so threateningly I would actually recoil a little, my money would actually not have been on Gil Thorp.” –Violet

“I love the idea of Gil Thorp just not remembering whether or not he mumbled about the screen. An arc about an amnesiac coach would be spectacular. ‘Andrew, you’re the only one I can trust with my memories. Did I mumble? Did I put something in the oven? Do you smell smoke?'” –Hasty Penguin

“Judge Parker: As a lawyer, I can tell you that the practice of law is exactly as boring as depicted in this strip. Tomorrow, Sam will tell Gloria that they are running low on post-it strips! Next week will be consumed by copier toner issues! I for one can’t wait to see what kind of legal pads Steve uses!” –AMSTERDANG

“Drew’s facial expressions in today’s MW are outstanding! I’m positively giddy looking at them. What the hell is wrong with me?” –Jungle Mountain Mama

“Man, for all the complaining we do about Mary Worth’s titular character, I’ve really grown to miss her during her prolonged absence from her own strip. Sure, she may be insufferably self-righteous and clearly evil, but God help her, she keeps the idiots in line.” –Tats

“Remember when you were a kid and you’d make a face, and someone would say, ‘If you keep doing that, it’ll stick like that’? That’s how Mrs. Dinkle looks. Really, that’s how most FW characters look.” –Atomic Bird

“I was going to note how those hard-charging ‘self-starters’ still find time to take three-hour lunches and randomly boff in the copy room, but then I thought: have we ever seen Dr. Drew actually practice medicine, or just watched him stalk, mope, finger his clothing, make broad insane gestures in public, and be ogled by random women who probably think he’s a serial killer? Mary is the most productive worker in the strip!” –Mr. Coffee Nerves

“I highly doubt that pluggers wear suits, or, for that matter, ride in the devil’s chamber, this so-called ‘elevator.’ The wish to ‘elevate’ one’s self smacks of pride. And we all know exactly what pride did to Nebuchadnezzar, Caiaphas, and Nimrod, don’t we? (If you do, you’re a plugger.) Most likely the plugger believes the devilvator is itself urging him to touch it, which explains his alarm.” –teddytoad

“I don’t know, Spidey’s a little insane and a lot retarded; this completely idiotic truck-napping/jail break might actually be what he’d expect, since it’s nothing anybody with normal thought processes would expect.” –Impulse

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