Beetle Bailey, 5/4/07
Beetle is a zombie.
Herb and Jamaal, 5/4/07
Sarah and Herb’s sex life is pretty much nonexistent, much to her disappointment.
Family Circus, 5/4/07
Jeffy is a solipsist.
Apartment 3-G, 5/4/07
Lu Ann does not actually have any friends and family who love her.
For Better Or For Worse, 5/4/07
Liz is a total idiot.
Those of you following the Self-Clubbing Tyler contest no doubt remember the awesomeness of the Self-Clubbing Tyler Action Figure, created by mad genius Dean Booth:
Well, in case you hadn’t been paying attention, Dean auctioned off his magnificent creation in the comments, with proceeds going to me, because Dean’s such an awesome fellow. The winning bidder, who wants to remain anonymous, donated the action figure to me as well to do with as I please — so it’s going to the winning entry! That’s right: if your entry into the Self-Clubbing Tyler lookalike contest comes out on top, you will be sent this magnificent creation to display proudly in your home.
But! The contest won’t last forever (much as it may seem like it). Send your pics by this coming Monday, May 7 if you want this fab prize! Operators are standing by!
Speaking of prizes, someone we know who’s “a real catch” (according to her mom) needs a date for Shawna-Marie’s wedding! Faithful reader willethompson, in his usual inimitable and hilarious style, breaks down her options. But hurry up and pick one, Liz, before he asks out that nice new girl in accounting!
Beetle Bailey, 5/3/07
Sarge’s attempts to avoid attachments with women while remaining ambiguous about his own preferences are becoming increasingly heart-rending. Even his faithful dog is trying to get him paired off into safe, Army regulation-approved heteronormality.
Archie, 5/3/07
You’re close, Archie-Laugh-Generating-Joke-Unit 3000, but the punchline is only funny if Archie is actually doing something positive for Mr. Lodge, albeit accidentally. Otherwise it’s just a baffling nonsequitur, or an implication that Archie is a Christ-like figure with mystical healing powers, neither of which are ideal.
Family Circus, 5/3/07
Oh, they start them young with the arbitrary gender markers in the Keane household, yes sir.
Blondie, 5/3/07
Speaking of gender arbitrariness, I’m sure Blondie is just thrilled that Dagwood’s chronic narcolepsy suddenly means that she has to cook breakfast for three. I imagine she’s just getting that pan nice and searing hot before she starts braining people with it.
For Better Or For Worse, 5/3/07
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Wait, that’s not really fair. It’s hard to work yourself up to ask someone out, and … no, hold on, I was right the first time. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Also, Mark Trail has consisted of a lot of nattering about birds and airports and crap like that for the last few days, but I thought you’d be interested in a certain similarity of body language between today’s final panel and a strip from last week:
Damn, everybody wants a piece of this handsome outdoorsman!