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Dennis the Menace, 2/15/07

Can anyone explain to me what Dennis is supposed to be doing in this panel? Is he riding his chair like a horsey? Is that it? That doesn’t seem menacing so much as insane. If he were swinging the chair around at the heads of the other children, that would be menacing.

I note that Dennis’ chair does not have a little desk attachment like the other children’s. Perhaps he ripped it off and flung at someone. That’d be menacing, though apparently The Man doesn’t want to show it to us.

Mark Trail, 2/15/07

“Yeah, I did a lot of foolish things back then! Like take advantage of the opportunities afforded by my military service to learn an exciting and interesting trade that would allow me to get high-paying jobs in civilian life!”

Does Sally ever get to decide things for herself? Dan may have released his death grip on her upper arms, but it looks like he’s got a hold that’s just as strong on her soul. It may be that his raw sexual charisma has her under his spell — check out those pecs in panel two! That is one well-fitted turtleneck.

Judge Parker, 2/15/07

OH, SNAP! FEEL THE BURN, MME. SPENCER!

If it turns out that it never occurred to Abbey and Neddy that a French art school might conduct its classes in French, I will be very, very happy. “But … but … I bought a beret! I can’t believe you expect me to do more to fit in!”

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Marvin, 2/14/07

There’s been something increasingly disturbing to me about the rage-a-thon that’s been building up in Marvin all week. Our titular enormous-headed baby has been alternately standing defiantly in the corner with his back to us and turning around to mug for the viewer, but I think this is the first time that his face has been such a transparent mask of evil and hate. Watch out, mom and dad: now that he has the ability to walk upright, he also has his hands free to kill.

Mary Worth, 2/14/07

I’m beginning to believe that this bedside conversation will go down in Mary Worth lore as the Great Meddle of 2007. Some might whine about how long and drawn out and boring it is, but that’s precisely the point; we’ve been privileged to watch Dr. Jeff’s will be slowly broken by degrees. Look at how he’s squirming around, clutching the bed handle in the first frame, adopting the universal Victorian “vapours” pose in the second: he’s like a particularly fascinating insect trapped under an entomologist’s pin, and there’s no escape for him.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/13/07

For reasons I can’t explain I find the hillbilly library in panel one of this strip incredibly charming. It’s not just a thatched-roof, ill-built wooden shanty — it’s a thatched-roof, ill-built wooden shanty with a wooden monumental neoclassical entrance, complete with columns, which are presumably the trunks of local trees. It’s like the cargo cults of New Guinea: these poor mountain folks, having once been exposed to book-learnin’ during the heyday of the Tennessee Valley Authority but unable to produce any themselves, built this shell of a library and filled it with fake books in hope of recapturing the city slickers’ magic.

For Better Or For Worse, 2/13/07

In the interest of keeping foobish vitriol to a minimum, I am only going to discuss Weed’s dialogue in the second panel here; frankly, it arouses quite enough vitriol to go around. Mainly it strikes me as a particularly egregious example of Things Nobody Actually Says, to wit:

• “B.Y.O.B., right?” As the lead-off to his party description, this makes it sound like “B.Y.O.B.” is shorthand for something awesome rather than something tight-fisted that 22-year-olds do. It’s possible that it means something else in Canada, though. Like, since everyone drinks domestic beer all the time up there, this is going to be an all-import party, featuring Budweiser, Yeungling, Old Milwaukee, and a variety of beers from Belgium.
• “We line up a food trough…” Dear God, if these party-goers arrive at this party to discover to their horror that the only food available is a six-foot long, three-foot deep box of Chex Mix, I will be very, very happy.
• “…score some seats…” It’s true that Weed’s bizarrely spacious loft seems to remarkably free of sitting surfaces, other than some uncomfortable-looking ultramodern couches. However, the verb “score” conjures up a pleasing image of Weed and Mike driving in to the seedy side of Toronto, looking for this guy a friend of a friend of guy they work with knows … “Yo, I got Eames, I got Barcoloungers, I got Aeron, check it out … hey, you guys aren’t narcs, are you?”
• “…wind up the tunes…” Yes, we’ll gather ‘round the Victrola! We have the latest Dixieland platters! It will be delightful!
• “…an’ ta-daah!” I’m willing to accept dropped “d”s as a fundamental aspect of the Patterson patois, but somehow I expected better from you, Weeder.

Mary Worth, 2/13/07

Take a good look at Jeff’s facial expressions in these two panels. In the first, he’s actually grinning a little, as if he’s pleased that Mary, to the extent that she’s capable of expressing human need, is begging him to come home with her. Then she reaches out to touch his face, and he recoils in anger and disgust.

Pluggers, 2/13/07

Generally speaking, a plugger will barricade himself in his bedroom, shrieking about how he’s not going to turn his motherfucking back on you for one God-damned second, you cocksucker, on the sixth day of his meth binge.