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Dustin, 1/7/22

This whole week in Dustin has been about how Dustin’s dad wants to relive his high school glory days as a pole vaulter, and his wife is just absolutely furious about it. It’s been pretty annoying and dull, but I do kind of like today’s strip, in which we learn that, despite being a loathsome jerk, Dustin’s dad has hidden depths, like a strong desire to break out of his boring, safe, middle class existence, possibly by dying.

Mary Worth, 1/7/22

In other annoying and dull things that have been happening this whole week, Zak and Iris’s wedding ceremony has been both boring and drama free. I know we’re all disappointed to see Wilbur though-ballooning positive energy at his ex instead of getting drunk and making a scene, but I do like the juxtaposition here of him, Mary (thought ballooning platitudes, as is her wont) and Dawn, who is experiencing no thoughts at all, just vibes

Gil Thorp, 1/7/22

New Gil Thorp writer Henry Barajas promised on Twitter back in September that Milford’s annual bonfire was coming, and yet football season came and went without it — so it shouldn’t surprise us that that football season ultimately ended in failure. Now, with the school district apparently unable or unwilling to provide the official school-sanctions bonfire we’re used to, the teens of Milford are taking matters into their own hands, holding a forbidden, booze-soaked backwoods bonfire to try to salvage basketball season at least.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/7/22

What do we know about Hootin’ Holler? We know that its inhabitants are desperately poor and largely isolated from the national and global economies, and what little economic activity that does take place in the community is centered around subsistence agriculture, illegal alcohol manufacturing, and stealing chickens. If Bonnie Mae couldn’t figure out that this is a bad place to run a fancy-pants “boutique,” that’s on her.

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Folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: If you’re in LA on January 13, you can get some more laffs from me, live and in person! That’s because my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is coming back on a new day (the second Friday of the month) and a new time (8:30 pm) but the same place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) and the same shtick (jokes about the Internet). Here’s the Facebook event!

And now, as promised: youuuurrrrr comment of the week!

“I feel like this one is so outdated that it’s almost come back around to relevant: just imagine a teen scrolling through Facebook with a sick fascination, seeing endless Minion ‘memes’, rants about the service at the local Bed Bath and Beyond, grainy screenshots of posts on more popular platforms. It would be like going down a rabbit hole, in the sense of it being a metaphor for opium intoxication.” –pugfuggly

And your very funny runners up!

“If Chekhov’s Ex there doesn’t ruin the wedding in some capacity (ceremony preferable, reception acceptable, honeymoon a dark horse possibility we shouldn’t sleep on) I’m going to be extremely disappointed in a creative team that has invested a lot of effort in establishing ‘ruins everything’ as Wilbur’s Whole Deal.” –Dan

“I wish it was me getting married to Tommy! Instead of Iris, Tommy’s mother, getting married to Tommy. That is what’s happening here, right?” –Peanut Gallery

“Whatever the food was like, it’s hard to run a restaurant in a building that’s 9 feet tall and 12 feet wide, with no door. ‘No wonder they went out of business!’ says Dennis, who has far more economic savvy than his dad.” –BigTed

“The scent is ‘dangerous’ because it’s actually a bottle of gravy (and we are still in the ‘festive’ season so…)” –2+2=7

“Dennis isn’t commenting about the menu at Organic Vegetarian Cuisine but the SEO-unfriendly business name. Searching for that store on Google, Yelp, Facebook, or UberEats brings up 4.5 million results — discouraging local organic vegetarians from finding or following what might have otherwise become their favorite eatery.” –KrisTM

“This is a trick test Rex prepared, based on Blade Runner. If June ignores Harold and keeps walking, she can still be his wife.” –Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“If you thought June Morgan couldn’t get any more boring, wait until you read the thoughts even she thinks are too dull to speak aloud.” –jroggs

“Yeah, that was before I figured none of you dopes can read.” –Hibbleton

“The ‘Loose Ball!’ speech in panel two appears to be coming directly from the blue shorts, as if the guy has an alarm for when a testicle slips out of a jock strap.” –nescio

“I looove critters, especially this one. You think its face looks weird? You should try drinking its ‘milk.’ It will make you see things you wouldn’t believe. Anyway, you wanna help me apply its mascara?” –made of wince

“‘Out of the way, Junior!’ ‘Dad! What are you doing here?’”–Little Blue Bicycle

“Since everyone now looked the same, there was no more prejudice, no more directed ridicule. They still had human nature, and within a few years, a distinct yet subtle difference was discovered. War followed, and the planet burned to cinders. Dead.” –Little Guy

“I think Gil is admitting he set fire to his playbook. ‘Delaware Wing T?!? Seriously, what the fuck?!?’ he says as he watches the pages burn down to ashes.” –taig

“Love Mother Goose’s shocked reaction in the second panel, even though she initiated this whole conversation. ‘Whoa, man, I can’t believe you don’t have positive opinions about your ex! You’re insane!’” –ectojazzmage

“Remember when Sarge made a mistake and then died? Good times.” –Victor Von

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Gil Thorp, 1/6/23

It saddens me that Marty Moon, Gil’s oldest frenemy, feels like he needs to introduce himself here. Presumably he’s doing it not for Gil’s sake but in the hopes that the local news will broadcast his question and won’t edit out him saying the name of his podcast. Gotta #hustle to build that #brand, Marty! Anyway, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out if Gil is doing some kind of wordplay on “Behind the Playbook” in that last panel, like he’s really saying “under my behind” or something, and have come to the conclusion that he’s actually trying to get this very question into Marty’s head, knowing the Marty’s going to be muttering “did Thorp just call me an ass?” to himself as he edits the podcast and wonders how much longer he can resist the siren song of drink.

Curtis, 1/6/23

Update on this year’s Kwanzaa tale: Joe D. Cawfee, who was born with a head featuring rabbit traits and wished he wasn’t different, had his wish granted by his magic fish, but in an ironic way, whoops! Also, his magic fish dropped dead in the process of granting the wish. Also the Curtis creative team would like to emphasize that you should not interpret this story as implying that the only way to solve conflict is to eliminate differences of all kinds, OK? The Curtis creative team is not going to explain why this guy is named “Joe D. Cawfee” either.

Beetle Bailey, 1/6/23

Remember how in the immediate aftermath of 9/11 the U.S. military and intelligence services went all out to recruit people who could speak Arabic and Persian? Well, we’re a new geopolitcial phase now, and we need everyone who’s ever said that they’re “fluent in sarcasm” in their Twitter bio or Tinder profile to step up and protect our nation from the current threats.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 1/6/23

Ha, get it, because she’s … a carnivorous animal of some kind? Do carnivores date birds, in the Mother Goose and Grimm universe, where most, though not all, of the characters are animals? I was about to apologize for not knowing the world-building rules of the Mother Goose and Grimm universe despite having read the strip for years but you know what? I’m not actually sorry about it! I’m not sorry at all.