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Funky Winkerbean, 8/24/22

This week’s Funky Winkerbean is about Holly and Funky going to their high school reunion, which I think is hilarious, and to be clear, I mean that not in the sense of “this comic strip, which aims to make people laugh via jokes, is succeeding, because it’s so hilarious,” but rather in a cruel and mocking way. It’s hilarious (derogatory) because these people hang out with the people they went to high school with all time. Seriously! Is there any major recurring character in this strip who they didn’t go to high school with, other than the ones who are the children of the people they went ot high school with? So I’m not sure why they would go, but I’m also not sure why the idea of going would be so emotionally fraught, since they’re just going to see their whole social circle in another venue. I guess it’s possible that the Funky characters we know and love only represent a small portion of their graduating class and actually the rest of them rightfully hold the ones we’re familiar with in contempt? “Ugh, there’s Les and Funky and that crowd,” one of the normals will say. “Don’t make eye contact, I came here to have fun tonight.”

Marvin, 8/24/22

Ahh, Marvin, it looks like the hunter … has become the hunted. “Hunting” is a metaphor for pooping. Because Marvin talks about pooping all the time! You get it.

Judge Parker, 8/24/22

“Maybe I should just burn the whole compound down, for the insurance money! Haha, just kidding. But what if…?”

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Gil Thorp, 8/23/22

Ohhhh, I get it now! All that bluster from Gil’s new nemesis? It was just flirting! His aggressive on-airpod proclamation that he was faithful to his wife? He means that he and his wife both adhere to the parameters of the rules they’ve laid down for their ethically non-monogamous marriage! Lukey and Fran want to swing, is what I’m saying, right there on the golf course. Take off those plaid shorts — but leave the tam-o-shanter on, coach! Yum!

Daddy Daze, 8/23/22

We’ve met the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth pal/neighbor before, and he and the Daddy Daze daddy have swapped parenting advice/commiseration, but … I don’t think we’ve ever actually seen his kid? Which is weird, considering that the Daddy Daze baby seems to be within “ba”-ing distance of his father 24/7. Based on today’s strip, though, I worry that the goth pal’s child may have fallen to his death from a great height, or that goth pal is going to jump to his death himself, or maybe both.

Mary Worth, 8/23/22

Third, Jared. You were my third choice. That’s a bronze metal. Bronze. Does anyone care about bronze, Jared? You know what bronze medalists don’t get to do, Jared? They don’t get to dump me! They don’t get to — uh, I mean, I’m glad there’s no bad blood between us…”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/22/22

Oh ho. Oh ho ho. It’s a new week and a new storyline in Rex Morgan, M.D., and the game, as they say, is afoot! Buck’s about to be tasked with taking care of both an old man and a child, at the same time! What crises will arise that will force Buck to juggle these unexpected responsibilities? Will he fuck it up, somehow? You know it! It’s Buck, he’s very annoying and incompetent. Will this result in life threatening danger to the baby and/or old man? Probably not, because this is Rex Morgan, M.D., where all the stakes are very low. Will the old man and the baby look at each other and wordlessly acknowledge “You’re not so different, you and I, in the sense that we apparently need this schmo to take care of us”? Let’s hope! Might be the most we can ask out of this!

Crock, 8/22/22

Gotta admire the level of not giving a shit on display on today’s Crock. Sure, you could have this plumber working inside the fort, where all the plumbing would be. But seems like it’d involve drawing some backgrounds that aren’t the featureless Sahara Desert. What if there were just some pipe hovering in mid-air? Is that something a plumber could fix? Sure, why not, whatever. Oh, also he’s a rocket scientist or something, I guess.

Mary Worth, 8/22/22

Not sure what time of day/what alien planet is denoted by the pastel clouds and inky black sky in panel one, but I’d like to believe that Dawn chose to call Jared in the middle of the night, hoping to go straight to voice mail, unaware that he’s sleeping with his phone under his pillow in anticipation of exactly this scenario. Anyway, based on her dead eyes and the fact that she sounds like she’s reading a press release, I’m assuming Mary is just off panel, with cue cards, or a gun, or both.