Post Content

What’s that? You are ready for your comment of the week? Well, good news, here it is!

“Mary gave me enough of her delicious turkey stew for days! Every day for most of last week, in fact. She just wouldn’t stop. Every day I said I’d had enough, but she just kept bringing the stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if she came by right now, just to give me more. She’s not well, son. So, how many bowls do you want? Three, maybe?” –made of wince

And here, as always, are your hilarious runners up!

“The look on Margaret’s mother’s face says ‘A bunch of young children have shown up to use my new, deep pool. Time to make myself scarce!’” –nescio

“If Loretta really is pretending to be much younger than she is, I have to admire her commitment to the concept. That mini-dress looks drafty, and also as if sitting would be a challenge.” –Poteet

“Man, this is one manly house: the exterior is brick, the inside walls are steel and counters are brass. No soft surfaces here! Just testosterone and loneliness.” –pugfuggly

“There is absolutely no way that’s the real Dr. Drew. Don’t ask me how I know and if you tell anyone I said so, I’ll deny it, but he’s put together all wrong. That is, at best, a wax replica that Dr. Jeff talks to so he’s not lonely (it spends the ‘work day’ shoved in a linen closet).” –Bunivasal

“I like how the outside lettering has DONUTS under HOLE FOODS to fool the authorities into not realizing what goes on within the establishment. Once inside, though, DONUTS (or, more accurately, STUNOD) has disappeared from the inside of the window. People like Funky, a stolid member of Asshole Anatomy, know what kind of food he’ll soon be munching on.” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“Good thing it’s AA or this kid would be even more confused to learn his surname.” –Truckosaurus

“I am thinking about all the grandmothers reading Mary Worth this morning nodding and saying to themselves, ‘Yes, hobbies are healthy. I wish my grandson would understand that.’ And then they go back to thinking about how they can get a microwave recessed directly into a wood-paneled wall like that nice Dr. Jeff.” –pastordan

“Who do you think’s been watching the house, pretending to be me? That’s right, Natalia Bordonova, a master of disguise with the SVR. And who do you think’s been pretending to be Sam Driver? Yep, you guessed, Ivan Dornovsky, Russian FSB, assigned to keep tabs on Bordonova as she kept tabs on you. Katherine Parker? Actually Yvonne de Gaulle, one of the best DGSE agents Paris can field. She was watching Dornovsky. Given that, it’s no surprise that MI-6 pulled Seamus St. John Smythe out of retirement to pretend to be Judge Parker, so he could keep an eye on de Gaulle. That led Mossad to put Sarah Mendelson into the role of Abbey Spencer, and that caused Iran to put Mohammed al-Midi from the IRGC into play as a Sophie (he’s really good). All to keep an eye on you. Yes, you’ve blown your cover as Randy Parker, or should I say Helmut von Schmidt of the German Bundesnachrichtendienst. And who am I? Some call me April, but really I’m Mae Kildare of the Irish Stiúrthóireacht na Faisnéise, and honestly I’ve forgotten who I’m supposed to be watching. Spying is hard, Randy. I mean Helmut.” –Voshkod

“I have a pretty decent following. Not sizable, you understand, but well-behaved.” –Joe Blevins

“Now this is the kind of nail-biting action we love in Dick Tracy. The sinister Ace of Spades is willing to offer a cancellation fee, but will the nefarious Abner Kadaver also be able to secure his per diem? Or will these two malevolent masterminds be forced to engage the diabolical services of [thundercrash] third-party arbitration to settle their disputes over fair compensation?” –jroggs

“For as large as an organization as The Apparatus presumably is, I appreciate that you can discuss the cancellation of a murder contract in person. I would have assumed that the call would just be routed through an automated customer service tree: ‘Cancellation… CANCELLATION!!!’ ‘Canceling your order for filling pick tracing.’ ‘REPRESENTATIVE!!!’” –Quiggle

“BROKE: Being surprised that Hootin’ Holler has come to accept UN festivities
WOKE: Being surprised that Hootin’ Holler has come to accept the Gregorian calendar” –Ettore, on Twitter

“It’s not as if those cheap shovels could make a dent in the hard, hard Hootin’ Holler soil anyway. If it were soft enough fer diggin’, it would be soft enough fer farmin’ and not starvin’.” –BigTed

“Judging by that woman’s lethargic approach to jumping rope, this gym seems perfectly suited to both the Lockhorns’ fitness level and the amount of effort they’re willing to expend.” –Doctor Moreau

“Judging by his monologue, this is the first AA meeting Funky’s attended since the pandemic started. I assume someone ‘forgot’ to send him the Zoom link when they moved the meetings online. I also assume that person is currently listening to Funky and thinking, ‘I made the right call.’” –Mr. A

“I’m confused by Zane. Is he too poor to get a haircut or did he spend all his money getting a designer haircut?” –N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 4/23/21

When I wrote about the many different strategies comic strip artists were taking to address (or not) the coronavirus pandemic, one I definitely didn’t have on my bingo card was “ignore it while it was happening, and then, as it seemed to be on its way out, pretend that it had been happening all along, and reminiscing about what it was like for your characters.” Anyway, today we, and Funky’s hapless AA meeting, learn that Montoni’s was apparently shut down (though presumably not for long, as pizza is a notoriously delivery-friendly food format?) and that Montoni’s also has a liquor license, and that Funky was full of dark thoughts of boozing it up with his imagined version of Ohio Governor Mike DeWine, but then remembered “Oh, wait, drinking is bad for me” and didn’t. Anyway, good for him for staying sober in trying circumstances, but too bad for these poor alcoholics that they have to listen to Funky’s loopiest, most rambling monologue since he spent a day muttering to nobody about how Elvis died on the toilet.

Gil Thorp, 4/23/21

Ahh, it’s that beautiful moment in any Gil Thorp storyline, the one where we finally begin to see how all the different characters we’ve been frenetically switching back and forth from kind of relate to each other. Turns out Zane Clark hasn’t been around much because his parents lost their jobs and his family went into a financial spiral and he has a hard time getting to school events because he works nights to help out, and his girlfriend Katy is the daughter of Abel Brito, who found out that tax-funded community services exist a couple weeks ago and is still absolutely furious about it, apparently. How is he going to deal with his daughter dating a [dramatic music sting] poor person? Very excited to find out!

Post Content

The Lockhorns, 4/22/21

As usual, I admire the craftsmanship that went into today’s Lockhorns. It would be easy to have the panel just consist of Loretta staring dead-eyed at the woman behind the counter, unsure if she’s making a little joke or issuing a serious warning or what, damn it, she just wants to sign up for a class and people seem to like Zumba, maybe some exercise would help pull her out of her decades-deep depression, why does everything have to be a comedy routine around here. But to have that going on in the foreground, while in the background, Leroy is thinking “Oh, ladies in leotards jumping rope and lifting weights in front of a huge window? Don’t mind if I do”? That’s how you know a real professional put this one together.

Dennis the Menace, 4/22/21

This is absolutely not Joey or Dennis’s house, right? Like, they probably don’t even know whose house this is?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/22/21

Weezy’s face in the final panel shows that she knows Snuffy is just joking. He may be generally averse to physical labor, but he never passes up an opportunity to dig a shallow grave for members of the hated Barlow clan who’ve died at Smif hands in the latest backwoods ambush! Plus he absolutely does not give a shit about the environment.