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Funky Winkerbean, 3/23/21

Real Funkyheads, which include both non-ironic fans of Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft and those of us who feel compelled to read both strips every day, possibly due to a curse placed on one of our ancestors who offended a cave-witch, know that there is one iron law of Funkyverse time, which is that Crankshaft takes place ten years in Funky Winkerbean’s past. It wasn’t always like that, of course, but after Lisa died Funky Winkerbean jumped ahead ten years to allow Les time to come to terms with that, emotionally (lol), whereas Crankshaft didn’t. This time disjunction (disFunktion?) has been exploited for narrative effect multiple times, the most recent being just last summer, when a Crankshaft-era character mused that he’d love to visit the setting of his favorite silent movie, and then simultaneously (but ten years later) did just that over in Funky Winkerbean. (Naturally, achieving this longtime dream almost resulted in his death.)

But wait! Remember a few weeks ago, in Crankshaft, when the organist died and Lillian resisted taking over as her replacement? Well, they put an ad in the classifieds for a new organist, and since virtually nobody reads the classifieds anymore, the only person who answered was … Harry Dinkle! Over in Funky Winkerbean! Which is … not ten years in the future anymore, I guess? Even thought Crankshaft is as full as vim and vigor as ever over in Crankshaft (if occasionally glued to the furniture) but is a wizened husk in Funky Winkerbean? Anyway, they’ve been building this Dinkle crossover up for like a week now and every day I’ve been forced to contemplate the question of whether I care about this flagrant casting aside of established Funkyverse chronology, and I’ve finally decided that I do! I do and I feel compelled to blog about it! This too is no doubt part of that sinister crone’s ancient curse, under which my whole family line has suffered for so many generations.

Dick Tracy, 3/23/22

Speaking of convoluted comics plots, I’ve never quite gotten a handle on what Pouch’s whole deal has been over the course of this current storyline. He’s thought-ballooning a recap for us to kick off the week, and I still don’t understand it, but I do appreciate the effort.

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Dick Tracy, 3/22/21

OK, just going to admit that I do not get what Dick means by “not without 5G” in panel three. I’m assuming he means the wireless telecommunications technology and this isn’t some piece of cop/gangster/Dick Tracy-specific slang, but, even so: I don’t get it. I guess he could be making a little joke, like “With all the new 5G phones and great wireless plans they have out now, it’s never been easier to reach out to a loved one or drop a dime on your underworld associates.” But maybe it’s more “We’re not going to get him to talk unless we turn up the 5G mind control rays, and those libs at the CDC say we’re not allowed to do that anymore now that we know they cause COVID.”

Gil Thorp, 3/22/21

Oh, man, I haven’t been updating you on the Gil Thorp plot, have I? Well, good news: the Mudlark girls’ basketball team made the playdowns! [five minutes later] We regret to inform you that the girls’ basketball team’s magical playdown run is over.

Gasoline Alley and Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/22/21

God damn it, we went through all the trouble of setting up the shared “What hoary old joke are you going to use in your syndicated newspaper comic strip today?” Google calendar, but it doesn’t work unless everyone updates it!

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Shoe, 3/21/21

You have to respect the absolute dedication that went into the production of today’s Shoe. For instance, someone at the syndicate presumably informed whoever thought up the joke that, no, society has not degraded so much that we can just print “cover your ass” in our talking bird funny-strip in mainstream newspapers. Did that deter them from soldiering on, even though the bowdlerized version of the phrase isn’t in common use at all? No, no it did not. Then, presumably, there came a point where the artist realized that, due to the long-established character design and the viewing angle chosen for the second panel of the strip, Shoe and the Perfesser’s tail feathers would be clearly visible. Now, you’re probably asking yourself: are the tail feathers themselves the analogue to the “ass” (or “rear”) of the common phrase, or do they themselves do the work of covering one’s ass/rear (which in this interpretation is the cloaca, I guess)? An interesting philosophical question, to be sure, but either answer renders the whole joke completely and obviously pointless. And yet, nevertheless, the Shoe creative team persisted. I for one think that’s beautiful, in its own way.

Family Circus, 3/21/21

One of the fundamental problems with long-running franchises and “cinematic universes” is that each new individual story adds a layer of canon that must be taken into account by future stories, and while I like to argue about Star Trek chronology and uniform design as much as the next nerd, I have come to sympathize with how this restricts the freedom of storytellers to produce an engaging narrative. That said, there are some lines that I feel strongly should not be crossed, no matter how entertaining the result. For instance, if there’s one thing we know from reading the Family Circus for decades, it’s that Jeffy does not understand the concept of object permanence.