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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/20/20

Hey, remember Nancy, Kelly’s sneering mean-girl nemesis who tried to key Kelly’s car, back when Kelly was being chauffeured around in a hearse by mobsters because this strip used to be interesting? Well, Nancy briefly tried to do something interesting, but don’t worry: it was prevented from ever happening, off-panel, which is good because otherwise we might have had to watch it happen, instead of getting an entire Sunday strip of virtuous characters talking to each other on the phone.

Hi and Lois, 9/20/20

I genuinely love that (a) techno has been rendered as “boing bop bing” here and (b) that Hi has gone from dubious to extremely over it as Chip works his way through this bit.

Dustin, 9/20/20

You guys, Dustin finally did an actually kind of funny joke! Unfortunately the joke is that Popeye is on TV holding a can labelled “kale.” The punchline to the strip itself is not funny.

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Gil Thorp, 9/19/20

Good news, everyone! The annual Milford bonfire, which began in 2007 and faithfully recurred every single year over and over and over until it abruptly stopped, only to abruptly be revived last year, is back on its annual schedule. Sure, we don’t actually see any flames today, but the important thing is that we know it’s happening, and we’re sure seeing some sparks — namely, some dude seeing childhood pal Becca Ramirez in a whole new, presumably romantic, light; and newbie Corina Karenna thinking about arranging her own bonfire for the volleyball team, probably by burning down the school.

Pluggers, 9/19/20

Pluggers are hulking, monstrous chimeras, half man and half beast, and their bestial genes result in them towering over puny full-blooded humans. Obviously they can’t fit into normal cars, and it’s honestly insulting that you would even try to sell them one.

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Folks, thank-yous on the big fundraiser are on their way if you haven’t received them yet, apologies for the delay … but there will be no further delay on the comment of the week!

“‘Blood volume?’ Just say ‘blood.’ You collected over a third of Faith’s blood. Leave it at that. The fact that you cluttered up your sentence with an unnecessary ‘volume’ bothers me more than the vampirism, frankly.” –Joe Blevins

And the very funny runners up!

“I wish I owned a business that was going out of business so I could print this panel up to hang in the window to give the passersby a final hearty chuckle as they recognize a classic Winkerbean zinger.” –Phil Gonzales, on Facebook

“In-person classes, dinner at restaurants … is Funky Winkerbean the only comic that’s not gonna recognize coronavirus? Finally it’s reasonable to have a chunk of your cast drop dead from a tragic disease, and Funky Winkerbean is like ‘you don’t tell us what to do, we kill characters on our time, in the manner of our choosing.’” –Dan

“I’m not sure why the Lockhorns have a square format photograph of Jake Tapper on their wall, but that they couldn’t be arsed to even vaguely level it is very on brand.” –Alan

“Ironically, they’re going to be replaced by an Apple store.” –Peanut Gallery

“Do you think vampires have strong feelings about using chloroform to trap victims, given it apparently contaminates their blood? I can absolutely see Whole Foods-type vampires insisting that they only drink the blood of organic free-range anesthetic-free humans.” –Schroduck

“I think that Preppie is just realizing that he is missing out on ways to monetize his looks. Wouldn’t luxury brands like Rolls Royce want to be associated with a gorgeous man like him by splashing a logo across his forehead? Just think of all the wealthy widows he beds!” –pugfuggly

“Disney lawyers are going to end the scourge of Six Chix. Maybe media consolidation is not that bad.” –Ettorre

“Now I know what feelings are like, and I hate it! Never let me get this attached to Rusty!” –TheDiva

“The albatross was shipwrecked because he killed the human, and now he is forced to wear the human around his neck as punishment.” –A Concerned Reader

“Prof. Stokes should also consult with the Theater department about his comically bad under-lighting.” –pastordan

“That machine in Dick Tracy kind of made my day. Just a pair of blood drenched fangs hanging on plastic tubing, a Gothic Steampunk robot furiously pumping away. If this strip was in a contemporary universe, Dr. Quacks here could make a killing on YouTube with his unnecessary medical inventions.” –toxic

“Never look a Murder Money Horse in the mouth. I would have gladly sorted through a dripping sack full of fingers and blood-soaked dollar bills every semester if it meant staying out from under the thumb of Fannie Mae.” –Wilktoast

“Andy’s a great … animal? Animal, right? Moves, breaths, bleeds? Minerals don’t do that. But plants do move, breath carbon dioxide, and bleed sap. Andy’s a great plant? Doesn’t sound right. Animal. I’m pretty sure Andy’s an animal. What what kind? Furry, sharp teeth, makes noise. A bat? Andy’s a great bat!” –Voshkod

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