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Beetle Bailey, 9/30/20

You’d think that General Halftrack, who has an extremely cushy job and despite his high military rank seems neither to have never been to war himself nor to have ever been burdened with the responsibility of sending others to fight, would sleep easily at night, or, for that matter, in the afternoon. Turns out nope! Turns out his mind is haunted by unimaginable horrors. That’s why he drinks so much, probably!

Slylock Fox, 9/30/20

For too long, the cartoon community has stigmatized people who live on tiny tropical islands as haggard castaways who yearn only to return to civilization — or, worse, are driven insane by their isolation. What about those who like the islet lifestyle, who have perfectly seaworthy rowboats at their disposal and yet still choose to embrace their exile from humanity and enjoy the benefits for an occasional cetacean shower? Finally, they have their own media representation!

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Blondie, 9/29/20

We are all, of course, concerned about the amount of time that Elmo, a child, spends with Dagwood Bumstead, an adult with whom he does not live and is not related. Today it looks like Blondie and Dagwood have come up with a sensible solution to the problem: if Elmo wants to talk with them about, say, getting unwanted attention from someone at school, a subject best handled by his parents and his teachers, they will interact with him out on their front sidewalk, respond only with nonspecific noises, and under no circumstances allow him into the house.

Mary Worth, 9/29/20

“Like, just imagine if my husband and I loved each other! Pretty crazy world that would be, huh?”

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Shoe, 9/28/20

A thing I will never get tired of is the facial expressions in Shoe, which convey a message that is very much not “ha ha, we’re birds but we think we’re people!” and really much more “God, the burden of existence is crushing.” The Perfesser’s look in panel one is one that we’re used to, basically conveying the message that everything has been going so badly for so long that he can’t feel anything any more; Irv, on the other hand, is looking at his phone with a narrow-eyed rage that I honestly find refreshing. Sure, he’s made a lot of money off this car over the years, but it’s garbage, you understand, garbage, and he refuses to work on it anymore. It offends him as a mechanic that it’s even in his garage, and he’s tired of the Perfesser not recognizing this essential truth.

Mary Worth, 9/28/20

I love how everyone’s take on Iris at this point is “She seems in good spirits, but we don’t see her around much, because of all the sex she’s having.” This isn’t just idle gossip, though: Mary is of course the main power on the Charterstone condo board, and Toby, with Madi’s help, cemented her own influence with a perfect dessert. It seems like somebody is going to be dragged before the next board meeting, confronted with the HOA bylaws about owner occupancy, and slut-shamed into paying some hefty fines.

Mark Trail, 9/28/20

Wow, did Mark have to sleep on the couch because his open weeping about Andy was too annoying? That is ice cold, Cherry.