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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/20/20

Ha ha, I assumed this lady was a well-known hospital volunteer or something, but it turns out she’s just a mysterious stranger who’s berating Rex about his romantic ineptitude while he just has to sit there and squirm. Can anyone else even see her? Hey, wait — this is still June’s version of the story — is this her fantasy of why Rex finally gave in and admitted his love for her? The psychosexual dynamics of their marriage are more twisted than even I imagined.

Mark Trail, 7/20/20

Oh ho, it looks like Cherry is about to suggest that this entertainment industry power couple, who are used to five-star accommodations wherever they go, should stay at the Trail family’s rustic cabin! This can only be a prelude to her asking them to swing, which for Cherry means cornering them when Mark is isn’t paying attention and asking them, in an intense whisper, what sex is like. They’re “Hollywood people,” so they’ve probably done sex, right? Anyway, they’re both visibly cringing away from Cherry’s question in panel three, for obvious reasons.

Pluggers, 7/20/20

The joke here is that this plugger spends every dinner mournfully eating the meals his wife prepares for him and dreaming of his mother’s superior cooking, and it doesn’t matter what she makes because she’ll never be good enough, but after years of therapy and two near-divorces he knows better than to verbalize this now, right? This is a “Pluggers Classic” and I swear I commented on it before but I couldn’t find it in my archives, so this may be a repeat joke, but my search wasn’t totally wasted because I found more evidence of the mommy issues that are tearing this mismatched bear-kangaroo couple apart.

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Six Chix, 7/19/20

OK, I’m saying this as a writer: everything a writer produces comes, at some level, from themselves. You can only interpret ideas and events through your own lens, and honestly much of what you come up with will inevitably draw from your own immediate experiences. It’s just that, well, sometimes the inciting incident that produces a work of art is more obvious than others, you know?

Funky Winkerbean, 7/19/20

Man, if there’s one thing Les knows how to do, it’s tell someone how to act like they’re in love with Les, right? Anyway, this movie looks terrible, I assume everyone in the final panel looks so happy because there’s a carbon monoxide leak that’s addling their brains.

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Zits, 7/18/20

Zits has been doing this mildly funny thing all week where various characters in or ostensible creative personnel behind the strip have been absent because they’re “on furlough” (ha ha, it’s funny because the world is in an economic crisis leading to widespread mandatory underemployment!), but today’s edition took, for one brief panel, a turn for the horny! But that wasn’t just restricted to Zits: there’s a real epidemic of horniness in today’s funny pages.

Beetle Bailey, 7/18/20

The “Halftracks hate each other” Beetle Bailey strips have done angry horny before, but this is a particularly egregious example. I think what really makes it is not that Mrs. Halftrack has hired some shirtless himbo to bring her liquor as she sits in her poolless back yard, and not even that General Halftrack is staring at her out the window; it’s that Major Greenbrass, the General’s subordinate and golf partner (I hesitate to say “friend”) has been roped into the ugly scene, much against his will.

Blondie, 7/18/20

Blondie is also extremely horny today, though it takes great pains to emphasize that this horniness takes places entirely within the boundaries of normative suburban heterosexual monogamy. I can’t put a finger on why, but I find the idea of Dagwood going all ahWOOga after seeing his wife’s hot bod while wearing a tan polo shirt tucked into black khaki shorts particularly distasteful.

The Lockhorns, 7/18/20

Today’s Lockhorns isn’t horny per se, but seeing Leroy angry because this movie isn’t arousing him the way he wants it to is at least horny-adjacent.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/18/20

A stern, mysterious old woman, dressed all in black, ordering Rex to follow her detailed instructions if he wants to win June’s affections? That’s so not horny that I think it’s looped all the way back around to horny again.