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Les can be a hero if he just shuts up and doesn’t do anything — can he do it????

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/24/19

So the big news is that Mason wants to option Les’s book about his dead wife Lisa and turn it into a movie, but doesn’t want Les to write the script, which is a really savvy decision because, as I’ve extensively documented, it was Les’s involvement that caused the previous attempt to make this movie to fail, with presumably large monetary losses for everyone concerned. And Holly, who couldn’t help overhearing because there’s literally nobody else in this cursèd restaurant, wants Les to put his ego aside and help make this movie happen even if he isn’t the credited screenwriter, because it’s crucially important that a movie be made telling the story of those lives that have been touched by cancer, something that’s never, ever, ever, ever been done before.

Mary Worth, 10/24/19

“Oh, uh, yeah, I’m glad that you’re still dating a hunky young millionaire! Because I have someone in my life too, and guess what: we’re going to be eating at a restaurant next week. A Thai restaurant. We don’t play by society’s rules!”

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INTRA-SCHOOL BOARD INTRIGUE!!!!!!

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/23/19

Wow, normally Snuffy’s perennial battles with the law are played for laughs in this strip, but here we see that in fact they place great emotional burdens on his family! Probably financial ones, too! Hootin’ Holler’s social dysfunction is all-pervasive and crushing!

Gil Thorp, 10/23/19

Folks, I don’t mean to be a “negative nancy” but I need to call out bad behavior when I see it. Today’s Gil Thorp narration boxes inform us that “Having struck out with his wife, Chet Ballard goes to an ally on the school board” in an attempt to trick us into thinking something sexy and interesting is about to happen. But I can assure that this is very much not the case.

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Medical Tuesday

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Mary Worth, 10/22/19

Say, Iris, remember when Tommy, your beloved son, injured his back helping you move, which made it difficult for him to work at his physically demanding job as a janitor, so he took few too many of his legally prescribed pain meds, which led to addiction and maybe a little light pharmacy shopping? Remember how super, super self-righteous you were about the whole thing? Oh, but now that you’re too worn out to keep up with your boyfriend, sexually, it’s OK for you to go looking for over-the-counter pep pills in the “this statement has not been evaluated by the FDA and this product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease” aisle at CVS, a road which we all know will end with you ordering sketchy Chinese-made “lady Viagra” on the dark web. You and Wilbur deserve each other.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/22/19

“And — shut down the point of sale system? And update our Yelp page to let people know we closed early today? And … oh God, the baby is crowning, but this is very important … can you set an away message on my email?”