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Hey all! It’s the first Friday of the month, so you know what that means: The Internet Read Aloud is happening in LA! Come see me and these funny people be funny!

Here is the Facebook event, which tells you all the details!

And now … your comment … of … the week!

“As if Dick Tracy doesn’t already depict The City as an authoritarian hellscape, apparently their first day of school is on Labor Day. Screw you, socialists! The only union we need is the all-powerful police union that keeps Dick out of The Chair!” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

And the runners up! Very funny!

“I get that it’s hard to frame tribute strips like this within the comic’s universe, but I find it hilarious that Hi seems to be just learning now about his creator from a book of cartoonists that’s lying around the house. I’d say that his reaction to finding out God was born in 1923 is pretty muted, but I guess the creator in His wisdom didn’t supply him with a wide range of emotions to work with.” –pugfuggly

“OK, it’s official: ‘Unpleasant Ernest Borgnine‘ here is the best character Mary Worth has ever had. How far will Mary go to force him to be nice? Let’s just say there’s always a breaking point where Florence Nightingale turns into Nurse Ratched.” –BigTed

“Literally the only thing I want from any of my exes is to resurface briefly in my life, give me some validation that I’m better looking now, and then die somewhere else a week later. Thanks, Rex Morgan.” –Lorne

“What have we learned today? In any sort of crisis, Toby will use Mary as a human shield.” –Joe Blevins

“So are we just letting the name ‘Ms. Gator‘ slide? Did she marry into the Gators? Was she adopted? Is she some reptile/mammal hybrid who looks human on the outside, but underneath is scaly and cold-blooded? Am I watching too much V?” –Daniel Kerr, on Facebook

“‘Why don’t we ever talk about human-on-human crime?’ will be Slylock’s defense when Slick Smitty dies of the massive injuries he sustained while ‘resisting arrest.’” –TheDiva

“Now, stop arguing and help me figure out how many pounds of gear Bella will be able to carry on my expedition to the Andes next month.” –Peanut Gallery

“Hey! Let me bring up something you’re probably proud of, but I’ll come just shy of actually praising you for it. Speaking of not complimenting you, here’s an insult.” –JJ48

“Speaking of shedding disguises, Mary came dangerously close to uttering ‘or his little dog, too’ in that last panel.” –Where’s Rocky

“Come now, Coach Thorp. This will all go much smoother if you just answer my questions. Tell me the names of the players. You don’t want me to use this stun gun again, do you?” –jroggs

“Talk about punishment. Dennis has to sit in the Hipster Chair, with its ironic fancy mustache. Alice is a monster.” –Voshkod

“Are you saying underneath his gruff exterior, he’s… [furiously scrolling on phone for Depression-era references] Dale Carnegie? [mutters] God I need to meet some young people.” –Dan

“Self-insert, Military Base AU fanfic of Lady and the Tramp, by 8Otto8″ –Ettorre

“What’s more disturbing to me is that the text on the door doesn’t actually tell you the hours, only the days. I mean, get on the stick, people! Dolly’s got an earworm called ‘9 to 5.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“The early feedback on Uber’s new chiropractic therapy offering is not good.” –Foodar

“It’s not the theater; the play has structural problems. In Act II, Roderick explains his polo injury before he’s even been onstage limping, and in the end Anabelle declares her love for Randolph, despite having previously sang an entire song about what a dunce he is. It’s out at the script doctor’s right now, giving slightly obsessive gunsel Rocco and his boys a chance to go nuts with the yellow ‘closed’ tape.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I have no idea what Marty and Gil are talking about here, but I look forward to a future in which they have to repeat that dialogue exchange every day, for all eternity, in the ‘Was a Total Dick’ circle of hell.” –Sally

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Spider-Man, 9/7/18

Oh, right, so it turns out the secret plan of the Golden Claw-Kingpin partnership is the classic “lure all the other crime bosses to a meeting under the guise of forming a city-wide crime alliance, only to use the meeting as an excuse to massacre your rivals” trick, which you’d think criminals would figure out, seeing at the other people they’re dealing with are also criminals! Anyway, today we learn that the site of this meeting is … the theater where MJ’s hit play Picture Perfect is running, except that it’s closed for structur[al reasons?] and doesn’t seem to have moved elsewhere, so how big a hit could it be, really? Long story short, the criminals Golden Claw and the Kingpin lure to the Mammon won’t be the first to die on that stage, if you know what I mean. (I’m referring to MJ “dying” metaphorically in front of an audience, since I assume she’s a terrible actress.)

Funky Winkerbean, 9/7/18

I’m not sure if Bull is supposed to be actually quite bothered that his record being broken and he’s just being manic and upbeat to cover it up, or if we’re just meant to understand that his grasp on lucidity is becoming more and more tenuous, but either way this is a knee-slappingly hilarious strip! “Starting to sound like a broken record!” Ha ha, polysemy!

Judge Parker, 9/7/18

Some dude just stone-cold getting his neck snapped while some lady looks on, screaming in terror? Sure, why not! It’s not your grandpa’s comics section anymore, baby! Unless your grandpa likes seeing comics page murders! Maybe he does. I don’t know his life, man.

Gil Thorp, 9/7/18

Wow, ouch for Tiki Jansen. Not sure who he is but it sure sounds like he sucks!

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Six Chix, 9/6/18

I have a perverse respect for this Six Chix, because the artist could only come up with song titles for five of the seven days, and one of the missing days was Thursday, the very day on which this strip would run, but still was like, “You know what? Fuck it. This is the joke I’m doing, I don’t really care, it’s happening.” Anyway, maybe it’s a space-saving thing, but if you really wanted to get the full week in there I’d have gone with David Bowie’s “Thursday’s Child” — a deep cut off a 1999 album, but no more obscure, than, say, a song by Lisa Loeb that isn’t “Stay (I Missed You)” — and, I don’t know, how about the extremely well-known “Sunday Bloody Sunday” by U2? Just some suggestions!

Beetle Bailey, 9/6/18

Beetle seems to have no idea what it means to have a crush on someone, or is unable to read the emotional arc of a romance in a movie written for children, or possibly both! This would explain a lot about his extremely desultory relationship with Miss Buxley.