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Folks, I want you to cast your minds back to the long-forgotten year 2004. A young man not yet 30 had decided to try out this “blogging” thing that seemed to be getting so much attention those days, focusing on his favorite under-appreciated art form, the newspaper comic strips. He started on July 11th of that year with a post about Non Sequitur, a strip that he would soon bore of. The next day, however? The next day … was pure gold.

Mary Worth, 7/12/2004

That’s right: I, your faithful comics curmudgeon, have been talking about Wilbur Weston’s sex life since 2004. As is only meet and proper, for this momentous occasion, I have decided to bring back my beloved CafePress store and urge you to purchase a t-shirt or other item that shares this fact and this message with the whole world!

Anyway! Twenty years is a long time to be doing anything — so long that it kind of snuck up on me and I didn’t put together an elaborate series of anniversaposts like I did in 2014 — but I still love the comics, still love doing the blog, and still love all of you. Big thanks to Uncle Lumpy for being a great fill-in, and to you all for being faithful and funny readers and commenters, whether you started reading yesterday or in 2004! Your reward: You get to read this blog again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and (assuming the comics and the internet still exist and the sun has not expanded to a red giant to swallow the earth) so forth, indefinitely.

And finally, since I must always be closing: if you think that 20 years of looking at ads on this website is enough and want an elegant, ad-free experience, perhaps I can interest you in a subscription, either to a no-ads version of the site or an ad-free email version of each post delivered to your inbox each morning? Just a thought! No worries if not, no paywall will ever descend to block access to this important cultural artifact. Normal comics jokes resume tomorrow! But until then, feel free to sound off in the comments about how this blog has changed your life.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/11/24

As a guy who was once a kid who was picked on as kind of a weirdo myself, I am, of course, pulling for Parker. They seem smart and have a oddball sense of humor that will serve them much better as an adult than a tween. But I don’t think Buck is the guy who should be delivering this message. Buck is perhaps the most eminently bullyable character in Rex Morgan, M.D., and I don’t think holding him up as the future Parker has to look forward to is reassuring at all. I guess he’s supposed to be living proof that it does in fact get better, because if this guy is out there every day representing roots country stars and retired horror comics artists and isn’t getting his head shoved into a toilet on the regular, adulthood really must be free of bullies once and for all, you know?

Marvin, 7/11/24

Look, it’s not my fault that this piss-obsessed strip leans on the “Ha ha, a fire hydrant is like a toilet, to a dog” bit! Because now they’ve included a fire hydrant in this non-piss-related strip and all I can think of is that the equivalent with people would be two people standing next to a toilet with no explanation. Are they about to piss? Did they just finish pissing? Did they, or are they about to, piss at the same time? This strip has poisoned my mind, I tell you! Poisoned it!

Pluggers, 7/11/24

Pluggers don’t know where they are or what time of day it is or what’s happening to or around them and, real talk: God, I wish that was me. They seem pretty chill about it!

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Six Chix, 7/10/24

Comics coloring errors have been a source of cruel mockery and speculation on this blog for decades now, but I think that the rate of these mistakes has dropped dramatically as the web has become the primary delivery system for these strips. Still, the possibility always lurks in the background, and can lead to situations like this, where the reader is left unsure whether they’re looking at a mistake or not. What I think is happening here is that this seagull is supposed to be shitting all over this guy’s head, but the colorist recoiled in disgust and instead used red to imply that the bird’s claws had torn the man’s scalp open and he was bleeding everywhere. Both are distasteful, and it’s interesting to think of which is “better”. I vote for shit myself because I’m a baby about pain. Anyway, I guess it’s a joke about a hat?

Family Circus, 7/10/24

Speaking of being a baby about pain, I’m a big softie and whenever I see a friendly, outgoing animal or a happy toddler, I often think about how they must live a good life where they’re loved and well treated. This strip takes that idea to the extreme: only someone who has never experienced pain at all could possibly propose such a horrifying idea in such a casual manner. Good for Jeffy now, but also: someday he’ll see that he’s about to step on a nail, and he’ll just not try to avoid it, because he won’t know why he should. “Now I’ll never lose my shoes again!” he’ll think, the moment before his fool’s paradise of a life dissolves forever.

Mark Trail, 7/10/24

Cherry, for the last time, just because Mark has a little stubble now, that does not make him a bear, plus you are heterosexuals, this is cultural appropriation