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Spider-Man, 11/25/17

It’s incredibly crucial for continuity strips like Spider-Man to tie up every last narrative loose end in order to satisfy their famously nitpicky audiences. For instance, when the Parkers arrived at Dr. Connors’ lab, it was apparently abandoned, which is why our hero barged in and got womped in the face with some big metal thing that was never fully explained, actually, and then discovered that the lab was still fully occupied by Dr. Connors. But if that was the case, then where was Dr. Connors’ vehicle, huh? Surely if a sensible minivan with a bunch of crazy re-arm-ulating equipment thrown in the cargo area were parked in the front the building, Peter would’ve immediately said, “Ah ha! Dr. Connors is home, despite the apparently dilapidated state of his lab! I shall knock before entering!” Too bad for Peter that the lab comes with off-street parking, although it’s probably great for Dr. Connors, since it’s no doubt tricky to haul big pieces of equipment to and from the car with only one arm, and besides you probably shouldn’t leave a bunch of scientific gizmos with high resale value too visible in car just parked at the curb. Anyway, I look forward to learning how exactly all the windows got broken (probably by the big metal womping thing, which took a while to calibrate before it only womped intruders).

Funky Winkerbean, 11/25/17

One of my least favorite Funky Winkerbean moves (and really, it’s quite a list) is when one of the characters makes a joke, and normally you’d think that joke represented to strip’s punchline, except instead the characters then assess how corny the joke is, and that’s actually supposed to be the punchline, somehow??? Today’s strip really builds a whole emotional arc out of it, with Becky giving Harry a sly look right as she unleashes her pun in the second panel, and Harry wagging his finger as he assesses it the third. I look forward to the day where someone makes some terrible wordplay and then we just have weeks and weeks of strips analyzing it!

Mary Worth, 11/25/17

Shoutout to Pedro for adhering to the salesman’s creed: Always. Be. Closing. Sure, Wilbur just caught him making out with Wilbur’s girlfriend, who’s supposed to be his cousin, but that doesn’t necessarily mean Wilbur is closed off to prospect of buying some discounted salsa lessons. You’ll never know until you ask!

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You’re all mostly sleeping off Thanksgiving dinner and/or interacting with your beloved family and friends, but I will remind you that a mere week from today my beloved live Los Angeles comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud, will be happening again! Come again and laugh, for the first time!

And though my COTW list is a bit truncated due to holiday travel madness, I think you’ll be pleased with this comment of the week:

“Sheriff Tait is simply surprised to hear one of the performers speaking directly from within the ludicrously unconvincing horse costume, rather than through the grotesque ventriloquist’s dummy ‘riding’ on its back. He is unused to fourth-wall-breaking innovations in this most traditional of local artforms.” –butsuri

And these runner ups are as tasty as leftover pie!

“Mental note to never, ever watch a porno starring ‘Woofus Magnolia.’” –Doctor Handsome

“I always knew Sarge was a traitor, but I didn’t realize he was secretly an agent of the Duchy of Burgundy.” –Schroduck

“Aw man, he’s got the same sort of overconfidence that did in Saviors A through Y. I can see we’re going to have to break out the Greek letters.” –Peanut Gallery

“If the Phantom isn’t careful, he’s going to fly right into that guy’s gigantic nostrils. Of course, that may be his plan — the nose is the gateway to the brain, and a skull mark on the old medulla oblongata will put down the hardiest of opponents.” –Voshkod

“Where exactly is Crock’s roadkill coming from? As far as I can remember Crock has never shown a road crossing their endless yellow hellscape, let alone an automobile. Are they importing roadkill? Has Snuffy Smith finally found a profitable local industry in roadkill export? Will the sale of crushed possum to foreign markets with a taste for exotic American meats finally be the key to pulling Hootin’ Holler out of the 1929 depression? I have so many questions.” –Escape Zeppelin

“His desperation for arm-if-not-wife clears up some questions. It saves the Parkers the trouble of going to the library and scrolling through microfiche until they find the old headline ‘ACCIDENT CLAIMS DOCTOR’S MASTURBATING ARM.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“It seems that in the early stage of the animalpocalypse, every species fought for itself alone, like these pigs trying to eat this chicken. The animalpocalypse could have gone differently, with some species carving a role in the human society as Quislings or, more optimistically, with a gradual evolution towards equality within the rule of law. Was there a charismatic leader who was able to forge a United Front of all the animals against the Humans? Who was this animal-Lenin, who stood against any compromise and for the complete collapse of the human society? And yet, even his revolution completed its cycle: chickens and pigs might live in harmony, but fishes are still the underclass and everyone lives in fear of the vulpine KGB.” –Ettore

“That sly Dog Grandma knew Dog Grandpa couldn’t resist her cookies, which is why she baked enough chocolate chips into them to take care of the old guy for good. If Dog Grandson has to go too, well, that’s just unfortunate collateral damage.” –BigTed

“I Have A Mouth Yet I Can’t Scream” –janphar, on Twitter

“Well, it may not be Big Bird, but it was a bird. It had a mother and a father, and probably knew other birds, and was part of its environment, and now it’s gone from the world forever, and I’m a little sad about it. But you’re right, it is reassuring to know we’re not going to eat a man in a bird costume. Thank you for that.” –A Concerned Reader

“Last sight seen by countless sandwiches. #sandwichvision” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

And though it’s a bit too long to get COTW honors, we need to honor faithful reader Schroduck for taking my joke about a bluegrass version of “99 Problems” and making it a reality! “Cos I’m old and I’m white and my hat’s real quaint?/ Do I look like a soothsayer Sir, cos that I ain’t.”

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Mary Worth, 11/24/17

Oh hey, it looks like the thing we all thought Wilbur was yelling about was in fact the thing he was yelling about: Fabiana and Pedro are locked in a lover’s embrace, or at least a very angry hug! Shoutout to Fabiana for really going in with the classic “we were rehearsing a play!” excuse, slightly modified for the venue. Anyway, I look forward to Wilbur learning that his angry declaration in panel two is based on an unnecessary dichotomy derived from a false assumption, since in fact there’s a tradition of cousin marriage in some regions of Columbia.

Judge Parker, 11/24/17

Oh hey, it looks like the warden of April’s prison is following shadowy CIA directives to make sure she meets a gruesome end behind bars! I’m not really sure what’s going on with the wavy-haired brunette in panel two. My guess is that as a hardened criminal she’s disgusted at being roped into the power struggles directed by “the man,” and is covering her nose to express her disgust at what she’s become. Even so, she can’t bring herself to actually do the warden’s dirty work, her attempts to punch April repeatedly swinging wildly wide of the mark.