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Comics archive! Beetle Bailey

Where were these videos during the last three Seldon Crises

Beetle Bailey, 9/30/15

“Why doesn’t he get his news from … the radio? Yes, he sits at a desk all day and is younger than the U.S. Army’s mandatory general officer retirement age of 64. A radio is definitely the thing that makes the most sense for this joke. Yes, sir, a radio.”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/30/15

I just want to note, in the midst of Dead Lisa’s Return — which today is taking the form of “fake photo in fake old-timey photo album” rather than “face on a TV screen,” just for a little narrative variety — that the timing on all this advice is 100% useless, thanks to negligent VHS-labelling on Lisa’s part. Like, Les and Cayla have been together for years, and a lot of these warnings didn’t really apply because Summer and Keisha were already in their late teens, but, like, what if they hadn’t been? What if they had been little kids and Cayla had only found this video after years of marriage? “Whoops, I’ve been treating Summer as an unloved stepchild and lavishing extra affection on my own daughter all this time! Darn, if only there had been some way to know this video existed at the beginning of my relationship with Les, we could have all avoided a lot of emotional drama.”

Spider-Man, 9/30/15

Now, we make fun of Newspaper Spider-Man here a lot, but let’s be sure to praise him when he deserves it. For instance, in panel one here, he’s proven himself a true innovator, coming up with a fantastically stupid new way to carry suitcases.

Melancholy Tuesday

Beetle Bailey, 9/22/15

I am very interested in how exactly the process in the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC writers room came together to generate this alleged humor product. “So, we’re agreed that the punchline to Tuesday’s strip should be that Otto, a dog who wears clothes and walks upright and thinks in complete sentences, will be peeing on Lt. Fuzz’s garden. Any pitches on how we punch that up a bit?” “How about if he gets a really mean face when he thinks about urinating on the flowers. Like it’s a threat.” “I like it, I like it. Do we want to make it seem just a little sexual? The pee-threat?” “Yes. Yes. Now we’re talking.”

Mary Worth, 9/22/15

I know we have a few months left, but I’m calling it now: Mary saying “Toby has many friends” with a facial expression that clearly indicates that she knows that Toby has no friends, even Mary is more than an acquaintance, really, just someone she talks to because of physical proximity, so why don’t we cut to the chase, why don’t we end this charade, human connection is impossible on this side of the veil, is definitely the panel of the year.

Shoe, 9/22/15

English is of course the international language of business and diplomacy, the equivalent of French or Latin in their heyday, so we can’t fault marginal cultures like the bird-people of Treetops for adopting it and the advantages that come with it. But still, it’s sad that, in only a few generations, they’ve completely abandoned the ancient language of birds. Do they ever look at the dusty old books of Bird-Speech, the impenetrable symbols taunting them with the reminder of their ancient cultural heritage, now lost forever?

Mark Trail, 9/22/15

Oh hey over in Mark Trail Mark is about to tangle with some bad guys in that radioactive wreck! In the close confines of that boat it’d be dangerous to actually fire his spear gun, so I guess he’s just going to stab them in the gut, one by one.

Wizard of Id, 9/22/15

Oh, did summer go by too fast for your tastes? I guess you don’t really know how to do summer! I guess you should be more like this smug cartoon wizard here!

Pluggers, 9/22/15

It takes highly advanced and extremely expensive science just to keep pluggers alive.

Godless Saturday

Curtis, 9/19/15

OK, I’m going to be nice for a minute: I genuinely like Barry’s expression in panel one. I totally missed it the first time I read through the strip, but once I got to his line in the last panel, I went back to check and, sure enough, there he is, trying to wordlessly warn Curtis of impending doom. It’s a funny call-ahead that I’ll bet most people miss and it’s also a cute facial expression in its own right. Panel three, though? Where Barry’s tiny hand can’t cover his vast and suddenly featureless expanse of face? That one’s a little more off-putting.

Beetle Bailey, 9/19/15

Speaking of evocative facial expressions, Beetle Bailey’s art is probably most kindly described as “simplistic,” but there is genuinely a lot of emotion packed into that bartender’s face in panel two. “Ha ha, this is … just a little game we play! I’m definitely not enabling his terrible alcohol problem and participating in the decades-deep web of passive-aggressive moves and countermoves within his marriage. Right? Being a bartender is OK morally, right? I really need this job!”

Herb and Jamaal, 9/19/15

I love that Rev. Croom has saved his little quip in the last panel for a thought balloon. It’s like, this could’ve been a great natural conversational opportunity for him to minister to Herb and maybe expand his parishioner’s understanding of religion, but, fuck it, he’s on his lunch break, you know?

Pluggers, 9/19/15