Mary Worth, 4/15/15
Nice to see that the “Adam is a stalker who just straight-up moved into his ex’s apartment complex without telling her to woo her back” aspect of this storyline hasn’t been dropped! Adam has room for only one creepy, all-consuming emotional attachment in his life at a time, people. Now that he’s physically incapable of foiling the many, many assassination attempts against Congressman McDugal, all that energy will be directed at loving Terry with a laser-focused, un-asked-for intensity that makes all other loves look like a pile of hot garbage by comparison. BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE LOVING, TERRY.
So it looks like the Phantom’s long bout of amnesia is finally going to be cured by … hearing a bunch of people say “walker”? As in “Ghost-Who-Walks?” This just makes Bangalla’s outdated state-run television service’s failure to acquire rights to AMC’s hit show The Walking Dead all the more tragic.
Beetle Bailey, 4/15/15
Not one crude drawing of a woman must be allowed to remain unsexualized! Not on Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industry LLC’s watch!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/15/15
Surely Cuzzin Irvin is aware that he (or at least his cuzzin) lives in an enclave of violent anti-government extremists? This is like one of those tragic stories where someone who happens to like wearing blue bandanas wanders into the wrong gang’s territory.
Herb and Jamaal, 4/15/15
“And none of us ever saw him again.”
Apartment 3-G, 3/30/15
I’m reasonably sure that we haven’t met Carla before, but I assume from context that this latest Apartment 3-G character who looks kind of like, but is not, Lu Ann is Margo’s assistant? Anyway, the hand that Carla is gently resting on Margo’s collarbone rekindles prospects of Margo/Margo’s assistant sexytimes for all of us who finally gave up on the Sargo pairing. “You don’t have to demean me … but you could, if you wanted to as part of consensual dom/sub workplace roleplay.” Either that or Carla’s about to strangle her, one of the two.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/30/15
Speaking of workplace dominance, I am getting more excited about Nurse Carter’s apocalyptic arrival on the Morgan clinic scene by the day. “Yeah, I spent years in the DESERT getting HUMAN BLOOD all over me when I was UP TO MY ELBOWS in the GUTS of young people who got BLOWN UP for your FREEDOM to not use a FUCKING NAPKIN when you eat a SANDWICH, so we’re cool, don’t worry about it.”
Man, Jughead sure looks awfully smug in that final panel. “Haha, this sure is a savage zinger that I didn’t even dare speak aloud, even though I’m miles away from the school cafeteria and its staff. I’m dying, bit by bit!”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/30/15
Hey, are you vaguely aware of bitcoin, the distributed cryptocurrency that very few people care about but the ones who do care about it care about it a lot and won’t shut up about it? Were you wondering when it would stop being a thing? Well, good news, it’s a punchline in Snuffy Smith, so I’m pretty sure it’s officially not a thing anymore.
In today’s Crankshaft, Crankshaft’s saddest friend has a flat tire! That’s … the joke?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/29/15
I’m not sure which I find more jarring here: the fact that Jughaid has used the flatlander term “spoiler alert” (in Hootin’ Holler, as in many traditional cultures, entertainment takes the form of bards putting their own spin on endless variations of well-known narratives, so the very idea of a novel, linear plot with a surprising ending would be foreign to these children), or the fact that the normally raven-haired Miz Prunelly is suddenly a blonde.
Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, 1/29/15
Well, the Dick Tracy-Funky Winkerbean crossover is over, but the Funkyverse still has CROSSOVER FEVER!!!!! With nobody currently willing to cross over with it, though, it’s been forced to mingle timelines with … itself. Yes, there’s now a cross-decade Funky Winkerbean-Crankshaft narrative confluence in progress, about Crankshaft driving beloved (?) band leader Harry Dinkle and the band to some band championship or something. Funky’s installments are using Old Timey Photo Album Frame panels, the strip’s sign for Things That Happened Long Ago, which is confusing since both strips take place more or less in the present. All this timestream mucking about mainly serves to sadly let us know that, since Crankshaft’s life continues beyond this adventure, Harry will never make good on his promise to slide that baton straight through Crankshaft’s leathery old flesh and right into his black, shriveled heart.
Six Chix, 1/29/15
One good thing about having a nationally syndicated comic strip: when you experience some minor irritation in your daily life, the rapidly aging and declining comics-reading demographic will get to hear about it, by God.
The only time pluggers will be addressed with the slightest glimmer of dignity is when they are already in the grave.