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Archive: Barney Google & Snuffy Smith

177

“The Bum Boat never disappoints” is a phrase that will haunt my nightmares

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Mary Worth, 10/28/25

Wow, did you know that Dr. Jeff doesn’t even like seafood? Did you know he’s just been choking it down every other week for years, just for a chance to spend an hour or two in Mary’s presence? She knows it, too. “My sole filet is delicious. How are your scallops tonight, Jeff?” she asks, knowing that they make him want to puke, but it doesn’t matter. She’s already filleted his soul. Maybe that’s why he bought his boat: he thought that if she loved fish so much, surely she’d love being on the open water with him even more. And maybe he’ll eventually find the courage to simply head out to sea and never come back.

Dennis the Menace, 10/28/25

You know, everyone seems to be enjoying whatever it is Dennis whipped up in the blender, and sure, Joey’s an idiot, but he’s also a feeble little boy who probably couldn’t handle something really disgusting, and Gina’s always been the most sensible character in the cast. There isn’t even any mess on the counter! None of this is menacing at all! The colorists had to make the smoothie or whatever it is a weird set of hues just to imply some menacing, but it’s not working on me. I don’t buy it!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/28/25

An economic landscape where it’s somehow economically advantageous for a dentist to drum up more business by ruining kids’ teeth, but also advantageous for a doctor to invest in preventative care, seems unspeakably perverse, so I’m going to avoid doing the kind of research that I fear will tell me that it’s exactly the system we operate within today.

143

The past, the future, etc.

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Beetle Bailey, 10/19/25

When Yuri Gagarin made the first human spaceflight, there were concerns that the experimental capsule he rode into space in would land too roughly for him to survive, so he actually ejected from the craft about four miles up and parachuted to the ground. He landed on a collective farm and, still wearing his space suit and helmet, almost caused a local woman and her granddaughter to panic, but he told them “Don’t be afraid, I am a Soviet citizen like you, who has descended from space — and I must find a telephone to call Moscow!” Beetle, unfortunately, will receive no heroic welcome, just an all-American suspicious invocation of property rights.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/19/25

I do enjoy the different facial expressions on the sheriff and the judge in the final panel. The judge, who still believes that he’s operating within an impartial system of justice, an objective institution that stands above petty squabbles, looks put out by Snuffy’s jibe. But Sheriff Tait, who holds elected office — indeed, as far as we know he’s the only elected official the residents of Hootin’ Holler ever interact with — he gives our boy Snuffy a sly smile. He knows what Snuffy’s talking about! He knows all too well!

Mary Worth, 10/19/25

Hey, do you ever worry about our direction as a country, and, frankly, as a species? Well, have faith: in New York City, there’s a thirteen-year-old who can sort of see the future and talk to dogs with her mind, in very specific circumstances. I think we can all agree that she’s the answer to all our problems. Nothing more to worry about, let’s move on to the next story and find out what’s up with [spins giant wheel] Tommy, like is he on drugs again or what.

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Unpleasant Friday

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Beetle Bailey, 9/26/25

Perverts turned on by crudely drawn cartoons everywhere were devastated this week when Beetle Bailey skipped its usual “Miss Buxley Wednesday” to do a strip about Sarge eating a pizza with a big pile of meatballs on it. But, good news: Miss Buxley is here on Friday! Bad news: it’s “casual Friday” which means she’s not wearing her sexy formal (?) little black dress. But good news: there’s some shoe stuff involving Private Blips! Bad news: the shoes are so crudely drawn that you can’t even tell what they’re supposed to look like, but you can tell that they’re definitely not very sexy. This whole week has been a real roller coaster ride for perverts, I tell you what.

Crankshaft, 9/26/25

More bad news for very specific and esoteric perverts who get off on Crankshaft’s malapropisms: today’s is no good! His dumb addled wordplay is supposed to be full of accidental polysemy, or should at least sound like it makes sense at first but upon examination doesn’t quite. This is just a wrong word that sounds like the right word! I refute this!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/26/25

Is that … the possum’s … rib cage? I’m with you, Snuffy; I don’t care for this either. I don’t care for it at all.