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Judge Parker, 6/21/26

Look, we know what you want and what you don’t want out of your soap opera comic strips, and what you don’t want is character growth. That sort of thing is how you get the man once known as “Tommy the Tweaker” yammering about his skivvies in a supermarket, where he’s gainfully employed, to Dawn Weston of all people. So, don’t worry, kids, Sophie moved to Norway a year ago but she hasn’t “found herself” or grown as a person at all! Instead she broke up with her boyfriend for reasons she can barely articulate. She’s going to drift back to the United States as dumb as she was when she left, and I think that’s great.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/21/26

Sorry, I’m sure Snuffy loves his son Li’l Tater and his nephew Jughaid who has, through some sequence of events we don’t talk about, come to be his full-time ward, but I refuse to believe that he would ever have a structure on his property, no matter how ramshackle, that has “work” in its name. The very concept is anathema to him!

Heathcliff, 6/21/26

[normally, conversationally, as if the sentence I’m saying is the most natural thing in the world] Butterflies are the emojis of stoke.

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Barney Google and Snuff Smith, 5/9/26

Snuffy sure looks smug, doesn’t he? He shouldn’t, though: cultivating the favorite food source of your primary prey animal sounds clever, but it represents the first step on the road to agriculture, which leads to more advanced and economically complex societies, which in turn leads to Snuffy having to get a job. Beware!

Pluggers, 5/9/26

Honestly very thankful that they chose a plugger with an emergency-level headache attacking an aspirin bottle with a nail file as the visual here, and not a sweaty, increasingly agitated plugger sitting on the toilet tearing wrapping away from a roll of toilet paper. Bless you, Pluggers, for taking the high road in response to this entry.

B.C., 5/9/26

Tycho Brahe is pretty famous for a 16th century Danish astronomer, which is to say that he’s not very famous at all, and I honestly wonder if there’s anyone out there who knows who he is but doesn’t know that he had a brass prosthetic nose (he lost most of his nose in college in a drunken duel with his cousin over who was a better mathematician, respect). And then how does “people who read B.C.” fit into this Venn diagram? Much to think about.

Pickles, 5/9/26

This week’s Pickles strips have been about how Grandpa Pickles, sick of his wife telling him he’s bad at picking out matching pants and shirts, has gotten really into jumpsuits. This is all fun and games until you can’t get them off fast enough and then piss yourself, apparently.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/9/26

Ha, Lonnie, you thought this freelance paparazzi/blackmail scam would be easy money, huh? Well, what if you have to get involved in some cuck stuff to pull it off, huh? Because it seems like you might have to get involved in some cuck stuff.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/11/26

OK, there’s two things that could be going on here. The first is that we’re meant to understand that Hootin’ Holler is one of the proposed wackiest places to live in America, which, no! No!! It’s poor and depressing and violent! That’s not wacky at all! The other possibility is that the gag writer just thought of the idea of a “wackiest places to live in America” list to serve as a counterpoint to the well-trod territory of the best places to live list, and decided that Snuffy hearing about this idea that certainly isn’t a joke and can barely be called a premise was good enough for a Saturday strip and then moved on with their life. Honestly, I respect the second one more.

Mary Worth, 4/11/26

“Mary has immediately begun to use her new pet to serve as a sounding board for her to workshop what she thinks is the best possible spin on her meddling,” is, I guess, not a huge surprise. Anyway, I just want to say now and for the record that it’s possible for an older man to have a perfectly good relationship with his children and to fall in love with a fake internet babe and send her lots of money! I feel like sending lots of money to a hot girl you met online is not necessarily something you check in with your kids about, even if you love them and speak to them regularly! The correlation here is not causation!

Family Circus, 4/11/26

The movies? Why would Billy want to do that when he could keep reading about The City of Brotherly Love, America’s silliest town! Eagles fans pelting Santa Claus with batteries … the MOVE bombing … that innocent robot they murdered … it’s all very silly and Billy simply can’t get enough!