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Judge Parker, 9/29/26

I haven’t really talked about it much because it’s been super boring, but April and Randy have been having marital problems of the icy silence variety since they got back to Cavelton, maybe because longtime partners sometimes grow apart over time, maybe because Randy had to stand there while April violently killed a guy who wasn’t immediately threatening them right in front of him, who can say. Anyway, due to [gestures vaguely] this whole thing, Charlotte isn’t living with April, and April as mentioned isn’t really spending much time interacting with Randy, and she doesn’t have a “job” as near as I can tell, so I do have to wonder a little bit about why she’s running late here. Maybe she ducked out in the morning just to horribly knife-murder somebody, just to feel something, and it took longer than she expected?

Blondie, 9/29/26

Faithful readers know that Blondie is the most pure uncut boomer mindset comic in the game right now, and I think the list in panel two, which lumps together “ways in which you hold kids in contempt because of their relationship to the phones or whatever” and “ways in which you think rules that kids did not create are proof that kids are wimps,” is a prime example. Also, has it ever been mentioned before that Alexander is on the school football team? I’m not an Athletics Knower necessarily but his physique makes me think that most of his organs are gonna get pulped the very first time he’s tackled, bubble wrap or no.

Mary Worth, 9/29/26

“Could it be … no! Mary would never want to go anywhere fun like Hawaii! Mary only ever wants to go to one restaurant here, in the town where she lives, and it isn’t any good!”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/29/26

Big news, everyone: Mother Goose, who has a boyfriend but is still chasing after men, is officially the first non-Archie polyamorous comic strip character! #herstory #representationmatters

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/9/26

“Why do they mention the King’s Horses in ‘Humpty Dumpty?’” is an extremely hoary bit at this point, but I have to say I like the art here. Humpty’s shell has shattered, creating a jagged mouth for what we must assume is the first time. The very event that has caused him such agony also provided him with the means to scream! It’s a neat little trick.

Mary Worth, 9/9/26

Alma … no! You need to follow your first instincts and remain aloof from gossip and speculation here. Look at Nelly’s crazed expression in panel two! She says your guess is as good as hers … but she’s clearly been guessing in vivid, erotic detail for hours now. Let her be a cautionary example for you!

Shoe, 9/9/26

The saving grace of Shoe is that no matter how much you hate reading these jokes, the characters’ facial expressions make it clear that they hate saying them much, much more.

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Dick Tracy, 8/30/26

I had kind of lost interest in this Dick Tracy computer hacker storyline, mostly because both the ways in which it got computer stuff right and the ways in which it got it wrong were fundamentally boring. But today? When one of Widescreen’s gang members tries to quit and demands to get what he’s owed, and Widescreen gives him a USB drive shaped like the Space Shuttle, which I guess we’re supposed to understand the implication is that it has crypto on it or something, so the henchman goes online via a coffee shop’s public Wi-Fi network and plugs that USB drive into his laptop like any savvy hacker would, and then the laptop explodes in such a way that henchman himself is immediately engulfed in flames and dies in agony? Well, that’s extremely not how computers work, but it’s also pretty exciting, so I’ll allow it.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/30/26

So, yes, Grimm’s liminal position between human and animal is extremely discomfiting to think about. But on the other hand, it allows him to talk to cars and know their True Names, so who’s to say if it’s good or bad?

Mary Worth, 8/30/26

Extremely sinister that the inspirational quote about self-respect and being a role model in today’s strip comes from notorious steroid abuser Barry Bonds. Are we meant to understand that Mary is, in some way, juicing? Is she using performance-enhancing drugs to improve her level of meddle? Truly disturbing.