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Judge Parker, 5/27/26

The humble diner now appears to be the soap opera strips’ go-to employer for those seeking to abandon a hectic, go-go lifestyle and reconnect with good, honest work — a group that includes everyone from former movie stars disillusioned with the Hollywood grind to scammers in search of redemption. Anyway, the proprietor of this establishment was understandably somewhat hesitant to hire a literal con artist, but I predict he will quickly accede to Alan’s request so he doesn’t have to hear any more details of Parker family emotional drama.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/27/26

Not that I expect Helga to be a big expert in macroeconomics or fiscal and monetary policy, but she has only her husband and his fellow warrior/traders to blame for this! Looted silver and gold coins from England and the Carolingian Empire, along with revenue from increased trade with the Byzantine and Islamic worlds via the Russian river networks, has had a naturally inflationary effect. Sadly, Viking society isn’t advanced enough to make use of this influx of wealth by increasing productivity, so instead they’ll just face sharply rising prices for the near future.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/27/26

Look, it’s one thing for Mother Goose and Grimm to try to pass off yet another widely known street joke as a punchline in a newspaper comic — I think we’ve all come to accept that at this point. What bothers me is that it’s trying to pass off yet another widely known street joke about a retail chain that stopped operation more than three years ago. Sure, it’s true that the website formerly known as Overstock.com acquired Bed, Bath & Beyond’s intellectual property and has subsequently been wearing the deceased brand’s skin, but you know that if Mother Goose had bought that stuff via this newfangled “online shopping” process, that would’ve been the heart of the joke.

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/21/26

OK, I guess I respect the Mother Goose and Grimm entries where the strip remembers that part of its remit is doing riffs on fairytales, and I guess I count the public domain monsters that Universal Studios has been intermittently trying to turn into a “Dark Universe” franchise for more than a decade as being in the same ballpark as fairytale characters, but nothing about this works. Like having Dracula (I mean that could be any vampire, I guess, but you get it) ask this question makes sense superficially but honestly I feel like it raises more questions than it answers. Is he mad about this or is that just his face? Why are they hanging out together in the first place? And his question is legitimate! And it doesn’t get a good answer! And is that just a regular human lady waitress, like does she work at a lunch counter specifically for monsters or does she just have blood on tap for the regulars? And why isn’t Frankenstein’s monster doing the “Me take cup blood!”-type diction? And why does Dracula say “why” when he clearly should be saying “vhy?”

Crankshaft, 5/21/26

Sorry I got so worked up there, but since I’m already worked up, I might as well break my silence on the fact that Crankshaft has descended into endless interviews with transparent authorial self-insert character “Batton Thomas.” Normally I’d let this indulgence slide without comment but now they’re showing “Batton’s” characters from his “Three O’Clock High” strip like Harry Dinkle, who has already migrated to the current iteration of Crankshaft! We’re in danger of tearing through the walls of the Funkyverse, and I think the time-travelling janitor who arranged for Summer Moore to save humanity needs to pop through a portal here and execute everyone involved Terminator-style before it’s too late.

The Phantom, 5/21/26

Hey, remember Chatu, the infamous Python, the Phantom’s other big antagonist, the one who isn’t Eric Sahara, the infamous Nomad? Well, Chatu has just been kind of chilling in this cage since 2009 or so but, like the Nomad, it seems like he’s about to re-enter the story. Maybe we’ll get a Nomad/Python teamup that will be strong enough to defeat the Phantom once and for all! Or maybe they’ll just realize that the Ghost Who Walks takes up way too much of their mental energy and they’ll simply go do some low-level crimes that won’t attract his attention and leave him be.

Curtis, 5/21/26

A thing that I really love about Curtis is that it’s a strip that’s not afraid to get a little weird with it. The kids gave their teacher a cake for the last day of school, but whoops, the box is full of rats! Lots and lots of rats! What an amusingly odd scenario.

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Crock, 5/16/26

This is one of those Rodney Dangerfield-style one-liners that sort of makes sense when you first hear it but just kind of falls apart the more you think about it. You’re tellin’ me the waiter … mails you your fortune? Is that because you’re such a contemptible figure that he doesn’t want to interact with you? But if so, how did you get the rest of your meal? Or, is it because the fortune itself is so toxic and terrifying it needs to be conveyed with the utmost of care? But if that’s the case, wouldn’t mailing it involve more contact with the fortune than just swiftly walking it into the dining area and handing it off to the customer? And why get dozens of innocent postal workers involved? If only the comics were a visual medium that could shed some light on this, but no, according to iron-bound convention, this joke must be relayed by three identical drawings of a guy saying it at us.

Shoe, 5/16/26

I’m all for this wholesome depiction of Skyler and his teammate engaged in the time-honored tradition of remembering some guys, though I’m curious as to whether this other dude just blurted out a commonly known Charles Barkley fact or if there was some lead-up to it. My big complaint though is that they’re sitting in chairs. I know that’s probably “realistic” about high school sports of whatever, but if Skyler is complaining via baroque wordplay about always being on the bench, in the sense of being held in reserve during a basketball game and never getting any playing minutes, they should show him sitting on a bench, in the sense of the big long wooden thing that multiple people can sit on.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/16/26

“Old people! They’re our main audience now! Is this the kind of slop you hogs like? I mean, uh, is this the sort of representation you fine people find respectful?” –the Mother Goose and Grimm creative team, I guess