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Comics archive! Spider-Man

Thursday quickies

Gasoline Alley, 6/30/16

Hey, remember when Gasoline Alley went on and on and on about scrapbooking, for no discernable reason? Well, you’ll beg for scrapbooking hijinx once we get five weeks deep into … NUMISMATICS FOLLIES!!!!!!

Spider-Man, 6/30/16

Spider-Man’s spider-sense (the relative sense of a spider) is generally interpreted as offering a vague premonition of danger, so you think it’d be useless for helping him figure out magic spells. But this plotline was in real danger of becoming the most boring thing in Spider-Man history, so his powers were spot-on in bringing it to a close as quickly as possible.

Mary Worth, 6/30/16

Good news! Mary Worth is here to help, by asking the groundskeeper to carry some heavy objects! Please do not ask Mary for further help or make eye contact again with her in the future. Thank you for your time.

Boring Wednesday

Spider-Man, 6/29/16

This Spider-Man Doctor Strange storyline has been going on for, what, four months now, Jesus Christ, and it’s been super boring for like the last six weeks at least, and not even boring in, like, a fun way. Anyway, let’s hope that today’s dramatic moment, in which Spider-Man picks a thing up off the ground and gives it to some other dude who actually knows how to use it, represents the climax to this storyline and we’ll move on to something else! Or maybe not. Maybe they’ll drag this thing out until the Doctor Strange movie comes out in [checks date on Google] November? Are you kidding me?

Mary Worth, 6/29/16

Mary Worth, meanwhile, turns boredom into a delicate, mesmerizing art form. Mary’s spent three days typing a banal response to a letter to Wilbur’s advice column! Three days! Typing! Yet I can’t take my eyes away, as her fingers dance delicately across the least ergonomic keyboard ever made. This is how it’s done, Spider-Man. This is how it’s done.

Mostly one-liners

Spider-Man, 6/10/16

Haha, has it really been a month since I updated you on Spidey’s dumb adventures? Well, here’s what happened: Xandu used the Wand of Watoomb to defeat Nightmare and bring his scary nightmare-dimension to New York’s Washington Square Park, and then used the Wand of Watoomb to take over innocent New Yorkers’ minds and have them beat up Spider-Man. But then Spider-Man started winning. How could this be? Could Spidey actually be using his super-powers to defeat an enemy??? No, don’t be ridiculous: he was merely a puppet being used by Doctor Strange, a much more powerful and talented superhero. This has got to be his most relaxing victory to date! He didn’t even have to do any of the work! The only way it could’ve been better if he had been able to watch TV during the process, somehow!

Gasoline Alley, 6/10/16

I don’t know what’s funnier here: that there was concern that this plot-advancing untruth might cast improper aspersions on Gertie’s pie-baking skills, or that we’re expected to believe that anybody edits Gasoline Alley.

Mary Worth, 6/10/16

I sincerely hope that this is the first Mary Worth comic that at least one person in the world has seen, and that that person assumes the strip is about an unusually cheerful woman who works in a prison library.

Pluggers, 6/10/16

You’re a plugger if you take decent care of your car but you’re dying of heart disease.