“Oh, thank goodness! Another, better superhero is awake! We’ll be free in no time!”
Beetle Bailey, 4/9/16
We all remember the famous Blondie unspeakable filth strip, but that was just accidentally about dog-fucking, or at least had plausible deniability. This … this is just straight up about dog-fucking, right? Or at least human-dog romance? There’s not really another interpretation, right?
Ha ha, it’s funny because Crankshaft’s body is failing, to the extent that even his favorite pastimes are physical agony to him now!
Dennis the Menace, 4/4/16
The Mitchells strike me as an extremely 1950s respectable upper middle class types, which means that they’re probably high church Episcopalians. Certainly they’re not going to be Catholics, or members of one of those “ethnic” Orthodox churches. (Yes, I know other denominations have bishops, but I don’t think any of them wear mitres as in the picture here.) Anyway, this panel suffers the same problem of a lot of Dennis-says-the-darndest-things-in-class gags, which is that it’s not clear at all what the correct answer to this extremely open-ended question is supposed to be. Are these eight-year-olds supposed to describe the bureaucracy of church governance, or talk about Apostolic succession or the long struggle in the 16th and 17th centuries over whether the English church should have an episcopal or presbyterian structure? Give me a break. Also, a child demonstrating knowledge of how chess works is one of the least menacing things I can think of.
Oh, shoot, I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Spider-Man, because it’s been all about the mildly superheroic tussling amongst Spidey, Steve Strange, and the sinister Xandu, and not about, say, supervillains memorializing their triumphs via selfie. My favorite part is how the mind-controlled Spider-Man is desperate to stop Xandu from uploading this photo to Instagram, but cannot. What would he do if he weren’t under Xandu’s spell? Post a 2,000-word screed to Medium about how selfies are a symptom of a narcissistic civilization in decline?
Have you ever wondered about the sexual scenarios that Crankshaft claims to be disgusted by and yet can’t stop visualizing? Then today’s strip is for you, my friend.
I genuinely neither know nor want to know what is going on below Spider-Man’s waist in panel two here. The relative ability to rotate your femur bones all the way around of … a spider? Anyway, this is nicely distracting us from the fact that, when running to find his wife only in the company of a guy who already knows his secret identity, Peter Parker feels obliged to abruptly put on his spider-suit. It makes him feel safe, and powerful!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/19/16
Parson Tuttle may be a grifter, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t experience pangs of conscience now and then. That’s why his wife is always there, to keep him on the plan! Those fancy hats aren’t gonna pay for themselves!
Dennis the Menace, 3/19/16
In the end, this is the most effective way the old can menace the young: by letting them know that the long life they have ahead of them will be filled with disappointments.