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Comics archive! Spider-Man

She’s a big fan of infrastructure, OK?

Shoe, 11/19/16

Wait, if Punxsutawney Phil really had Secret Groundhog Powers letting him know about the coming rise in global temperatures, wouldn’t he have bought some nice little place in Canada, miles away from the ocean? No, I think this is evidence that the whole Groundhog Day business is corrupt, and Phil is retiring with his ill-gotten gains from Big Winter.

Spider-Man, 11/19/16

I see two ways this storyline can go. MJ might use her break from acting and her vast wealth earned from Broadway stardom to take her and Peter on a lovely two-week vacation somewhere nice, where he spends his time sulking about the fact that his wife makes more than him until he’s forced by circumstances to fight crime, at which point he starts sulking about that. Or she could just wax rhapsodic about the repairs! She already looks pretty dreamy about it in the final panel, to be honest. “The roof! Oh, Peter, they’re going to fix the roof!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/19/16

Welp, this Rex Morgan plot wrapped very quickly and without much conflict or action, and thank goodness! Who needs that kind of overstimulation from the funny pages? Certainly not me! Anyway, I appreciate our victorious cop putting a dramatic pause before saying downtown in panel three. Really lets us know that this whole things is wrapping up, right? If you want to imagine that the action freeze-frames and then Petula Clark’s “Downtown,” starts blaring out, I think that would add to the experience.

Ah yes, the infamous “chair-snuggle,” a staple of Gentlemen’s Clubs everywhere

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/17/16

Oh, whoops, I haven’t been keeping you up to date on the Great Frozen Money Dementia Caper, have I? Well, here’s the short version: Milton met up with a dude who dumped him at the bus station, not before switching jackets, leaving Milton with the dude’s cell phone and the dude with Milton’s cash. This was exactly as boring as it sounds, until today when we abruptly smash cut to Scooter living a life of comically PG-13 debauchery at Morgantown’s finest “Gentlemen’s Club” (legally, they can’t call it a strip club because nobody takes their clothes off).

Dick Tracy, 11/17/16

Both of America’s citizens with Lunarian DNA have been lying low in Diet Smith’s heavily fortified compound ever since the unpleasantness, but apparently Mysta still gets to drive out into the world occasionally to pick up “the magazines.” I have to say that it makes me respect Diet a lot less as a genius inventor, and respect the Lunarians a lot less as a futuristic menace, to learn that none of them have ever heard of the Internet, a network that can, among other things, allow you to read the magazines on your computer.

Spider-Man, 11/17/16

Yesterday’s Spider-Man would’ve been a great final slapstick moment for this plot, which really makes it too bad that it was accidentally published on Wednesday. Now they’ve got four days of narrative dead space to fill! I predict that by Sunday Peter and Scott will be making out, just to put an end to the awkward pauses.

Beetle Bailey, 11/17/16

Not sure what exactly can get the hired hands toiling at flaccid long-running legacy comic strips to feel shame, but I sincerely hope that getting beat to a pop culture joke by the Family Circus by two and a half months is on this list.

Mostly birds Wednesday

Spider-Man, 11/16/16

You know that normally I’d be very in favor of a punchline panel in Newspaper Spider-Man where our heroes mope wordlessly. But as a transit rider and advocate, I must protest against a train ride being used as visual equivalent of a sad trombone. Especially in the New York City region! Why, Peter and Scott will be back home in Queens while Jonah and Hank are still stuck on the Long Island Expressway, Jonah shouting furiously at his driver and other cars while Hank scrunches down in his seat and pretends not to notice.

It’s also obviously way too soon for the first Daily Bugle under J. Jonah Jameson’s new regime to have come out, so I assume the banner headline in the paper Scott is reading is over a story about how New York is now for the first time in years entirely free of Ant-Men. Gonna be an awkward correction at the bottom of page C-12 tomorrow!

Crock, 11/16/16

It does take some warming up to, but Wadsworth is laying out his people’s philosophy in a nutshell. Vultures don’t believe in fairies or make believe. They believe in each other, and their own ability to make this world a better place for themselves and their families. They believe they’re capable of anything, even getting money when their baby teeth fall out despite the fact that they don’t have any teeth.

Pluggers, 11/16/16

One of the longstanding mysteries of Pluggers can be summed up pretty simply: what is a plugger, exactly? Today’s strip I think encapsulates it nicely: a plugger is someone young enough that they still know people who move and old enough that they know a lot of people who are dying, and also someone who hasn’t figured out that you can put addresses into your computer now.