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Comics archive! Spider-Man

Disappointed guys in anachronistic hats

Spider-Man, 9/9/14

It does seem a little sad that, in order to find a foe worthy of Newspaper Spider-Man’s capabilities, the strip creators have had to pick a character out of the deep Spider-Man rogues gallery who’s literally a moron. I do like the Ox-eye’s view in panel two, in which Spidey attempts to physically draw the information out of his bewebbèd foe. In panel three, our hero expresses shock that someone in the criminal underground wouldn’t want to freely give out his name.

Archie, 9/9/14

I’m truly enjoying the emotional roller-coaster our hapless fast food employee is on here, from glum sadness to eye-twitching rage. Remember, advertising isn’t just business-to-consumer communications (B2C, as we say in the biz); it’s also business-to-business, or B2B! Join the fast-paced world of fast-food franchising, where you can serve delicious burgers to customers who are as attractive as these handsome actors! The sour looks all around in the final panel are a sad commentary on the web of mutual deceit on which modern consumer culture is built.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/9/14

Isn’t this charming! The mysterious millionaire who creepily wears widow’s weeds at all times and her thuggish henchman have brought these children to a windowless warehouse corridor in a dangerous neighborhood! GOOD PARENTING DECISIONS BY THE MORGANS, AS PER USUAL.

Blondie, 9/9/14

Anthropologists tend to see distinctions between societies that enforce rules of social conduct based on guilt and those that enforce them based on shame. They should probably study wherever it is Dagwood came from, since he is clearly capable of neither.

Is this some kind of nerd’s revenge on Peter’s part?

Spider-Man, 9/7/14

Ox’s villain-schtick is that he’s pretty strong and very dumb, so Spidey’s taunt in the next-to-last panel seems needlessly cruel, since he’s making the guy feel stupid over something that’s 100% nonsense with no answer. I mean, is a human with the proportional strength of a spider stronger than a person who’s as strong as five normal men? Who the hell knows! What kind of “math” does Peter think would supply an answer? What does “proportional strength of a spider” even mean? Proportional to what? I’m hoping that five normal men is/are strong enough to break through proportional spiderweb and punch the heck out of Spider-Man, is what I’m saying.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/7/14

Did Hollywood’s starlet population find Les unfuckable because he chose a profession without much clout, or for other reasons more specific to him personally, like his repellent personality? These are the kinds of talks Cayla really missed.

Dr. Drew explains it all

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Spider-Man, 8/27/14

“B-but if I’m busy taking pictures for Jameson, how will I be able to keep an eye on Dr. Octopus? Think, Peter — think!

Mary Worth, 8/27/14

As word of the Kapuht scandal spreads, Santa Royale Hospital quickly dragoons Dr. Drew Corey — son of Mary’s long-suffering paramour Jeff and no stranger to talking out of both sides of his mouth — to handle damage control. “Dr. Kapuht? Oh, are we still talking about that? Well, certainly, he did lose a patient on the operating table, and, yes, he was found using heroin. But there is absolutely no reason to believe these two are related in any way. For example, suppose he hadn’t been found out — do you seriously think the outcome would have been any different? And isn’t this all proof that the system works? Now let’s all put this unfortunate incident behind us, stop interfering with poor Dr. Kapuht’s recovery, and let the family grieve!”

Phantom, 8/27/14

Wow, team Phantom seems to be going through a dark period lately. Two days out of their multi-month tale of torture, extralegal rendition, and more torture, they had Barker here shoot an innocent homeless man in the head to impress “Shotgun”, his partner in a planned hijacking. Now the pair run from the crime scene with Barker waving the murder weapon and Shotgun indulging in the kind of twisted Phantom-logic that makes people run toward murderous armed lunatics.

Or maybe these utterances are linked more tightly than it appears? Shotgun: “That was murder — for what?” Barker: “Ha, ha — because you get a free drink, buddy, that’s what!” Shotgun: “Wow, I like free drinks – guess I’ll stick around!”

Call me old-fashioned, but I think Savarna did cold-blooded murder with a little more grace.


Westward Bound! Day Two


The second leg of The Road West runs from Asheville (shown) to Memphis — maybe even as far as Little Rock. New information and pictures posted if/when they arrive. Don’t forget those generous donations!

And stick around for the free drinks!

– Uncle Lumpy