Archive: Spider-Man

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The Phantom, 3/17/19

So the Sunday Phantom storyline has involved a little girl who’s stowed away on a historic airplane that’s using travelling to air shows around the world as a front for exotic animal smuggling in an extremely well thought out scheme. Mostly I like today because the Phantom has announced that these rogues are going to face prison … in Bangalla, a country that isn’t the site of any of their crimes and which has no legal jurisdiction over them, and it’s like, who does the Ghost-Who-Walks think he is, American?

Spider-Man, 3/17/19

Reading this, I assumed that longtime Newspaper Spider-Man credited writer Stan Lee famously said “Ditto” in a movie once, but turns out nope! So I guess that Peter and MJ are spending their last ever Sunday strip paying homage to, uh, the smash hit 1990 Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore vehicle Ghost. Excelsior, everybody!

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Spider-Man, 3/16/19

I’ve finally recovered emotionally enough to share some terrible news with you, which is that the current run of Newspaper Spider-Man is ending a week from today. Apparently King Features will be running some “classic” Newspaper Spider-Man strips from the ’70s, which I will definitely cover here because from what I’ve seen of them Spidey is even more of a dick than he is in his current incarnation, but I will definitely mourn the end of my beloved feeble, whiny superhero.

The note from King and Marvel said “We’ll be back soon with great new stories and art to explore even more corners of the Marvel Universe for you and your readers to enjoy. We’ll be announcing more about these new adventures in the very near future, so keep your Spidey senses tuned in!” It absolutely makes sense that Marvel wants to use the toehold they have in newspapers to further promote their various intellectual properties, although how anyone could possibly miss the MCU without literally blinding themselves and living in a cave is beyond me. It will be interesting to see how they do that in newspaper form; my only request is that it be laughably bad.

Meanwhile, how will this iteration of the Spiderverse be wrapped up next week? My hope is that the Parkers travel to Australia, where Peter is bitten by one of the non-radioactive but extremely large and very poisonous spiders they have down there, and then dies. We’ll all drop a brick in his honor!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/16/19

Apparently Rex Morgan, M.D, is considered more likable than Spider-Man, because his strip got a new creative team and new lease on life a couple of years ago. One thing I miss from the Woody Wilson days is how people would just give the Morgans stuff for doing relatively basic stuff like telling an unnaturally calm tween that probably the pilot knows what he’s doing during an emergency landing. So I’m pretty jazzed about this upcoming clothes gifting sequence, which I hope takes the form of a montage like the one from Pretty Woman, or maybe ZZ Top will magically appear to guide his sartorial choices.

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The Phantom, 3/5/19

If you’re one of the 94.74% of my readers who, according to my analytics, aren’t Canadian, you might not have heard that that wintry nation’s twee, adorable Prime Minister got himself into a bit of a spot of bother by allegedly trying to strong-arm his Attorney General into not filing criminal charges against a major Quebec employer for its various illegal dealings with Muammar Gaddafi. And I know what you’re thinking: not Justin! How could this be! Well, what if I told you that what appeared to be dirty dealings with Libya was just a cover for even more top-secret dealings with Bangalla and its immortal protector? Sure, this scandal might bring down Trudeau’s government, but at least he’ll be sent into political obscurity knowing that he helped the innocent, and that’s what really counts.

Spider-Man, 3/5/19

Wow, this strip took a very abrupt turn from the unnecessarily antagonistic to the surprisingly erotic and … I’m not mad? I mean, since today is Saturday, this is probably just the cheesy wrap-up strip before we launch into a new storyline next week and [checks calendar] … oh my.