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Judge Parker, 3/31/26

Ha ha, has this ever happened to you? After generations of coexistence with increasingly tame horses, your tribe of steppe pastoralists has finally mastered the art of riding them, and are using this technological advance to impose a reign of terror on neighboring nomadic groups and settled agriculturalists alike. And you’ve certainly come to the conclusion that there’s no point to walking when you can just ride horses! But then — you learn that your horse taming techniques, which you had thought to be a gift from your clan’s protective deities alone, have also been learned by your hated rivals to the east. How dare they? Other people are riding them now? This means war, obviously — a war between two groups on horseback, a war of the sort that the great grasslands across the center of Eurasia have never seen before.

Mary Worth, 3/31/26

I’m trying to figure out who the best person is for Mary to call in to help here and against all odds I think the answer may be Wilbur. Hear me out: You describe to him what Harvey’s been through, and definitely show him a picture of “Trixie.” If Wilbur gets all starry eyed like “Gosh, what a beauty, you did the right thing, Harvey,” then Harvey will see immediately what a dope he was to fall for a trap that could ensnare Charterstone’s biggest idiot. And if Wilbur says, “Wow, you sure got scammed pretty bad, couldn’t be me” — well, then, how humiliating would that be? Surely he’d snap out of it immediately.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/29/26

The last panel here fills me with nothing but contempt. Apparently the only way they could think of to visually drive home that Sarge had pizza at bedtime was to put a pizza box in bed with him, but then they put it in a wildly unrealistic position (open? on his thighs?) and drew it without any identifying features so it looks like a laptop. Beetle is there to deliver the necessary information anyway. The rest of the strip is fine, definitely not the most unpleasant dream sequence the strip has ever done.

Mary Worth, 3/29/26

OK, I joked yesterday about how maybe dumb old Harvey isn’t the one we should be sympathetic with in this scenario, but if “Trixie” actually manages to escape his awful enslavement thanks to the outdoor privileges he earned scamming Harvey, I think we genuinely have a moral dilemma on our hands here. And who knows, maybe “Trixie” will track down Harvey and tell him the full story and offer to help make him whole to the best of his abilities. And maybe they’ll fall in love! Dare to dream!

Blondie, 3/29/26

Hey, do mild stimulants help you get more productivity out of your workers? For a little while, anyway, is what Dithers just found out. Back to the drawing board! Let’s take that “mild” out next time, maybe!

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Mary Worth, 3/28/26

OK, fine, “Trixie” successfully scammed Harvey out of a six-figure amount, which we do not condone. But, does Harvey need that money, honestly? He seems pretty well off and also likely to die soon, and it’s not like he’s that close to his daughter and only heir. Meanwhile, “Trixie” has been rewarded for the successful grift by being released from his dank, ill-lit prison to get a few precious moments outdoors! Isn’t that more important than whatever non-enslaved-person drama is going on in Charterstone?

B.C., 3/28/26

There’s probably not enough lead time for B.C. to be doing oblique commentary on current events, so I guess this is just a panel about a couple of fish who are going to murder two of this strip’s main characters, using a massive explosion. And good for them!