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Shoe, 8/9/26

Hey, uh, Shoe, what’s goin’ on over there, kids-wise? You don’t like kids? You’re doing a comic for the last remaining old people who still read newspapers and counting on them being not doting grandparents, but the kind of old people who don’t like kids, possibly because they don’t have grandkids or have them but don’t get along with them, so nobody’s taught them how to use TikTok, which is why they’re still reading the newspaper?

Dennis the Menace, 8/9/26

I guess I don’t spend a ton of time with young people either, but I’m still pretty sure there aren’t a ton of zoomers out there named “Darian,” or people of any generation, really. Yeah, this girl is a zoomer, I know everyone in this strip looks like they were born in 1956, but Dennis’s family has access to computers and such, she was definitely born in the 21st century! And yeah, she’s named “Darian,” I guess!

Mary Worth, 8/9/26

Ha ha! Addicted to ice cream? Could you even imagine? A world where “compulsive eating” was a real thing, and indeed was something that recovering drug or alcohol addicts sometimes fall into as their addictive behavior shifts? What a laff!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/9/26

Snuffy definitely bought a bunch of circus animals at fire sale prices and ate them and now is haunted by thoughts of their vengeance, c’mon, why are you lying to us about this

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Shoe, 8/7/26

I guess Skyler passive-aggressively hinted that it would be nice if he and his uncle/guardian ate together once in a while, so the Perfesser has decided to passive-aggressively book dinner for the two of them at a restaurant where they won’t be allowed to talk to each other.

Blondie, 8/7/26

“I’m so glad I grew up in the offline generation … and also don’t know any kids and haven’t given really any thought at all about the practicalities of what going to school in the modern age might be like.”

Mary Worth, 8/7/26

Damn, can you imagine what a bummer it would be if you had the chance to enjoy the amazing high that only methamphetamines can deliver, but you somehow end up in this scenario instead?

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Judge Parker, 8/2/26

Oh wow, as predicted, that big Hollywood exec loved Ann’s little sermon and green-lit the series as soon as she stalked out of the room. So now it looks like all’s well that ends … wait, what’s that? April’s calling? She wants to make sure her intellectual property rights to Netflix’s new daughters extended universe are respected? And she’s calling on whatever number Neddy has for her in her phone? Which presumably could be very easily tracked by [tries and fails to remember who April is on the run from exactly, decides it’s not worth investigating] her enemies?

Mary Worth, 8/2/26

So Dawn has been unable to track down Tommy ever since he overheard Wilbur talking shit about him, leading him to purchase drugs and subsequently flush them down the toilet. This has caused Dawn some anxiety, but good news! He’s fine. He’s come by to tell Dawn that her good words strengthened his resolve, and he did a bunch of drugs to prove to himself that he can quit whenever he wants and that he’s not an addict anymore. Problem solved!

Suburban Fairy Tales, 8/2/26

Suburban Fairy Tales is a strip whose main characters are the Three Little Pigs, and one thing that’s always bugged me about it is that it neglects the Three Little Pigs’ best-known defining characteristics: that they have wildly divergent skills when it comes to building structures that can endure abuse. Well, today is a shout-out to us Three Little Pigs oldheads, and I for one appreciate it.