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Comics archive! Mary Worth

“@#$%! I definitely do not want to watch this!”

Apartment 3-G, 7/4/15

FUN FACT: Current Apartment 3-G artist Frank Bolle did the interior illustrations for many of the beloved Choose Your Own Adventure books published in the 1970s and ’80s, and I’m sincerely hoping today’s strip is a tribute to this. What exactly will the confusing, unsatisfying explanation for the recent weirdness in the strip surrounding Margo be? It all depends on you!

Mark Trail, 7/4/15

This Mark Trail strip is definitely from the opening minutes of a movie where a terrible plague makes the jump from shark to man, maybe transforming those unlucky few who don’t die right away into monstrous shark-human hybrids. So it’s probably for the best that Ken is calling in Mark Trail instead of, like, an actual veteranarian or some other kind of biologist or medical professional. We’ll need all of those we can get once the mass deaths really start getting underway; no need to expose them to the virus on day one.

Mary Worth, 7/4/15

Oh my God, Adam’s eye, staring emptily into the middle distance as Terry moves in for her smooch, is my everything. He’s finally won her heart — but at what cost? He suddenly realizes that the only way to stoke the fires of love within her is to join with her in escalating acts of violence. Sure, tonight they just subdued a convenient mugger, but he knows that won’t sate her bloodlust for long. Soon they’ll need to maim, to kill, and soon they won’t even use vigilante justice as a pretense. You’ve made your bed, Adam, and now you’ve got to lie in it.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/4/15

This comic is here to remind you that the desperately poor are generally too busy with trying to survive to work for political change, and most revolutions erupt when an emerging middle class finds that they lack a political outlet for the rising economic power. Happy Fourth of July, America!

Josh talks on subjects on which he knows very little

Mary Worth, 7/3/15

I don’t know much about gun safety, but … is it considered cool to just casually rest your finger on the trigger of a cocked revolver while it’s not pointed at anyone in particular, definitely not at your subdued enemy? Or, well, I guess he’s not entirely subdued, since he seems to be struggling against his hastily improvised handcuffs (has he been tied up … with his own sweatshirt?) and his legs haven’t been restrained at all! Maybe Terry is aiming the gun at exactly the point where he’d be if he got up and started to run off? She’s a true professional and I shouldn’t question her, I guess.

Dick Tracy, 7/3/15

I’m extremely not up on my drug lingo but is “hot snow” … cocaine? Is is slang for cocaine? Because that’s one of the most unappealing descriptions I can think of. CONGRATS ON MAKING ME WANT TO TRY COCAINE EVEN LESS THAN I ALREADY WANT TO, DRUG-LINGO.

Mostly soapy mostly quickies

Apartment 3-G, 7/1/15

As we continue to wander ever deeper into the Apartment 3-G Mists Of Barely Coherent Narrative, we can count on one thing still making sense: that Lu Ann will have no idea how any aspect of the real world works. “Hi, I own a third share of this apartment, and I’m just calling my share ‘the apartment,’ and it’s in the most expensive real estate market in the country, but I’m gonna just walk away from it! Hey, you could give it to charity! Wouldn’t that be extremely useful for everyone involved, if a nonprofit just owned a third of the apartment you lived in, for some reason?”

Hagar the Horrible, 7/1/15

For too long, Hagar the Horrible has soft-pedaled what life in the Viking Age was really all about: the constant threat of being disemboweled.

Mary Worth, 7/1/15

Oh, you didn’t think that all around bad-ass Adam just used a cane as a mobility aid, did you? Nope, that’s a weapons-grade cane, son!

Mark Trail, 7/1/15

“Still growing your hair long?”
“Yes, Mark, I–”
[Mark hangs up phone]
[Mark throws phone into the lake]