Dick Tracy, 12/5/16
It’s no secret that, once the days of Dick Tracy’s violent insanity ended in 2011 (with a storyline that concluded with a villain in a bondage mask being eaten alive by rats) and a new creative team took over, I stopped focusing much on the strip here, mostly because it just wasn’t such an object of sick fascination for me any more. There hasn’t been anything particularly dramatically different about the current plotline, yet somehow it’s really caught my imagination with its string of low-key absurdities as it shambled from “a mean Congresslady wants to put space aliens in concentration camps” to “a guy who can’t stop taking selfies is lying low at the zoo.” Anyway, today’s strip particularly tickled me, mostly because of Dick’s line in the first panel. “Another storage area? Who knew that zoos had so much stuff that they needed to store? When am I going to get to stop looking in areas where things are stored and start shooting people in the face?” Don’t worry, Dick, I’m pretty sure that getting cattle prodded in the back is very much something that the Major Crime Unit’s internal review board will be glad to let you get extremely trigger happy over!
Dennis the Menace, 12/5/16
Wow, Dennis the Menace turned into bondage porn so gradually we barely noticed!
Hi and Lois, 12/5/16
Wow, Hi and Lois turned into a crushingly realistic depiction of a couple exhausted by parenthood and slowly losing whatever residual affection they had for each other so gradually we barely noticed!
The Lockhorns, 12/5/16
Is this the first time we’ve seen the top of Leroy’s head? I don’t care for it. I don’t care for it at all.
Mary Worth, 12/5/16
[I run up the stairs and throw open the door to the rooftop]
[I’m on the roof of an apartment building in a dreary metropolis]
[It’s pouring rain]
[I run to the edge of the roof and with a great heave pull aside a huge tarp]
[Underneath it is an ancient-looking spotlight]
[I throw a huge switch on its side]
[electricity surges into it and huge shaft of light beams into the sky]
[something’s written on the spotlight, something that’s now visible across the city]
[everyone for miles around cranes their necks to read the message written on the clouds]
MARY WORTH IS ABOUT TO GIVE A FORTYSOMETHING WOMAN ADVICE ABOUT WHETHER IT’S OK TO FUCK A 25-YEAR-OLD.