Gasoline Alley, 6/30/16
Hey, remember when Gasoline Alley went on and on and on about scrapbooking, for no discernable reason? Well, you’ll beg for scrapbooking hijinx once we get five weeks deep into … NUMISMATICS FOLLIES!!!!!!
Spider-Man’s spider-sense (the relative sense of a spider) is generally interpreted as offering a vague premonition of danger, so you think it’d be useless for helping him figure out magic spells. But this plotline was in real danger of becoming the most boring thing in Spider-Man history, so his powers were spot-on in bringing it to a close as quickly as possible.
Mary Worth, 6/30/16
Good news! Mary Worth is here to help, by asking the groundskeeper to carry some heavy objects! Please do not ask Mary for further help or make eye contact again with her in the future. Thank you for your time.
This Spider-Man Doctor Strange storyline has been going on for, what, four months now, Jesus Christ, and it’s been super boring for like the last six weeks at least, and not even boring in, like, a fun way. Anyway, let’s hope that today’s dramatic moment, in which Spider-Man picks a thing up off the ground and gives it to some other dude who actually knows how to use it, represents the climax to this storyline and we’ll move on to something else! Or maybe not. Maybe they’ll drag this thing out until the Doctor Strange movie comes out in [checks date on Google] November? Are you kidding me?
Mary Worth, 6/29/16
Mary Worth, meanwhile, turns boredom into a delicate, mesmerizing art form. Mary’s spent three days typing a banal response to a letter to Wilbur’s advice column! Three days! Typing! Yet I can’t take my eyes away, as her fingers dance delicately across the least ergonomic keyboard ever made. This is how it’s done, Spider-Man. This is how it’s done.
Mary Worth, 6/26/16
Oh thank goodness, the new Sunday Mary Worth team heeded my warnings and and restored Wilbur’s glorious combover! His arms are still distressingly bare, but we’ll take today’s wispy strands of head hair as progress. Who knows, maybe he’s been waxing his arms, in the misguided belief that the Japanese will find his less off-putting if he isn’t in his usual bear-like state!
Panels from Hi and Lois, 6/26/16
Haha, nice try getting teens to like your strip with relatable email jokes, Hi and Lois! No teen alive would be this excited about getting an email. They’d recoil in horror and confusion, as if you tried to hand them a telegram. No, kids today want to get, uh, Snapchats, or … maybe YikYaks? Is that a thing? YikYaks? Look, I may not know what teens like, but I know what they don’t like, and what they don’t like is email.