Apartment 3-G, 10/30/14
Oh, goody, you know I love an Apartment 3-G flashback! I’m guessing that this giant 4 x 6 photo at which Margo is lovingly gazing (she keeps it in her purse, for convenient loving gazing action) is neither of long-ago love FBI Pete (even though she went ahead and had a captioned beach-frolicking photo of the two of them framed for some reason) nor of Trey, the sexy bescarfèd architect who redesigned the Mills Gallery for free in a doomed attempt to win Margo’s heart. No, I think we all know that the closest Margo ever came to true love was Mills Gallery founder Eric Mills, who knew that Margo valued power over mewling, pathetic artists more than a wedding ring. Unfortunately, the two of them could never be together because he was only sexually attracted to gas grills. Ha ha, just kidding! He actually died in an avalanche trying to sneak the Panchen Lama out of Tibet, which I swear I’m not making up.
Mary Worth, 10/30/14
“Ladies, plural? Ha ha ha young man, no, you don’t understand, only one of us needs to be confined to this caring, fun-filled elder-containment facility. I myself have fantastic vision and a very important job as manager of a condominium complex and can’t possibly–” “ALRIGHT JOE GET THE STRAIGHTJACKET AND THE TASER, WE’VE GOT A LIVE ONE”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/30/14
Good lord, Sarah, it’s like you don’t even know the first rule of working with mobsters, which, obviously, is “don’t be a snitch.”
Pluggers, sadly, know exactly how much their time is worth.
Panels from Slylock Fox, 10/26/14
Today’s Slylock Fox Six Differences puzzle takes place in that awkward period after the animals achieved sapience but before they had truly taken over the Earth. Our grumpy park ranger’s face may bear the scowl of prejudice, but his cause is legit: if this bear can now think and reason like humans, shouldn’t he be subject to the same law? Eventually the animals would develop their own cargo cult legal system in response to these issues, but at this moment, I assume that, despite his newfound intellectual powers, the bear here is still more than happy to meet aggression animal-style, with his claws.
Dennis the Menace, 10/26/14
At last, Dennis the Menace has shattered the unspoken rule that all characters in the daily comics must be gentiles! We learn a valuable lesson here today: that little Jewish children and little Christian children can be friends, so long as neither of them understands any of the theology behind their various holidays and just think of them as “that thing we celebrate in [insert season here],” and also agree to come together at the end of October to worship Satan. (Side note: I’m going to accept as canon the clear implication in today’s throwaway panels that Margaret is a well-known anti-Semite.)
Mary Worth, 10/26/14
There are lots of good reasons to wish that Frank Zappa was still alive, and somewhere on that list is my desire to see what he’d think about having a quote almost certainly incorrectly attributed to him used to try to bully an old woman in Mary Worth into an assisted living facility.
Six Chix, 10/26/14
Ha ha, it’s funny because the scalpel blades are breaking off still embedded in the patient’s flesh! There’s so much blood! So much hilarious, hilarious blood!
Tina had sometimes resented the fact that her rift with her mother-in-law meant that she and Thomas didn’t get invited to many family gatherings with his brother and sister. But then, she reflected, if she had been at the house that day, she would’ve been mauled to death by the cold, thirsty bear-dog-things, just like the rest of Thomas’s family.
Better Half, 10/19/14
Once again, the Sunday Better Half panels offer variations on a theme! Let’s see: marital whimsy, marital whimsy, marital whimsy, marital whimsy, OH MY GOD STANLEY AND HARRIET ARE DROWNING IN DEBT AND GOING BANKRUPT, THIS IS TERRIBLE, THEY CAN’T EVEN AFFORD LEGAL REPRESENTATION, WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO
Mary Worth, 10/19/14
Haha, never mind, Mary’s not going to marry Hanna off, she’s just going to put her in a home, as I originally predicted. Sorry, Hanna, but when you signed that Charterstone lease you gave Mary power of medical attorney! Should’ve read the fine print!
Funky Winkerbean, 10/19/14
In case you were wondering if Les still spends every day in dread of the looming spectre of death: Les still spends every day in dread of the looming spectre of death.