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Archive: Mary Worth

173

Slenderwilbur will haunt your nightmares

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Mary Worth, 6/8/25

Many of our most beloved deranged Mary Worth storylines end abruptly, with antagonists just straight up driving off a cliff or whatever, but I’m sorry, there is a lot to take in just in this single strip. The bell by which the Westons were saved was rung by … Belle’s brother? Who has tracked her down somehow because he suspects she’s off her meds, probably because she failed to check in with him? And also (and sorry, but this is much more important), he’s literally just a taller version of Wilbur? Like she spotted Wilbur across a TGIFridays in Tampa and thought, “Oh my goodness, he looks just like my beloved brother … but more squooshed! I’m gonna FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT AND MURDER ANYONE OR ANYTHING WHO COMPETES WITH HIM FOR MY ATTENTION!” Because that’s wild, possibly the wildest proposition this strip has ever asked me to buy in the 20+ years I’ve been reading it. And it’s clearly not the first time something like this has happened! “I’m sorry about this, shorter me!” Avery says. “I hope I came in time … there are no visible corpses, so I’m assuming I did, but sincere apologies if not!”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/8/25

The joke here is whatever, but I want to point out that it’s weird that Grimm is in the corner there watching this breakup go down. It’s a long-established aspect of this strip that it alternates between jokes involving the well-established cast of characters and sub-Far Side one-off gags. Feels like some new executive in charge of the syndicate sent down a note like “In order to reinforce Mother Goose and Grimm’s brand identity and lay the groundwork for future merchandising initiatives, every strip needs to feature one of the two beloved title characters, who casual readers definitely know by name and can identify.”

Panel from The Lockhorns, 6/8/25

Funniest thing here is that this is, I assume, their own house. Not sure if Leroy is very drunk or very sleepy — or, more cruel and therefore more likely, if he’s doing a bit and Loretta refuses to even give him the satisfaction of acknowledging that he’s doing a bit.

126

SHOCKING MARTY MOON MUSTACHE REVEAL!!!!

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Gil Thorp, 6/6/25

Deep in the 2020 pandemic lockdowns, I decided that the dream of the ’90s had finally well and truly died, and I shaved off my goatee and then grew in a full beard that I’ve maintained ever since (apologies to all if it unnerves you to learn that my caricature in this blog’s logo is not fully accurate, facial hair-wise). Marty clung onto the Evil Spock look for another five years, but now, as part of his strategy to get his life together, he’s gone with the mustachio’d look that an increasing number of the kids today seem to like. And it’s clearly a good move: he’s already going to sub for his replacement on some terrible morning radio talk show, mere minutes after getting home from the barber who ceremonially sheared him! I like the fact that his dog is licking his mustache clean, presumably to get the last of the facial hair food residue that he’s used to feasting on.

Mary Worth, 6/6/25

Wilbur and Dawn’s poisoned dinner continues to go great, and by “great” I mean “insanely,” with both Westons continuing to talk like everything is basically normal despite being clearly convinced that Belle is going to disembowel them with a spoon. I love that all intra-Weston solidarity is out the window at this point, with each hoping to be the one person that whoever’s at the door is going to save, leaving the other to their fate at Belle’s hands.

Mother Goose and Grimm and Zits, 6/6/25

Polyamory! You’re hearing about it more and more, and lots of people are saying, “Why not? Let’s give it a try!” Well, the syndicated newspaper comics aren’t having it, do you hear them? They’re not having it.

141

I too love it when comics and movies exist. Love those content formats

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Mary Worth, 6/2/25

Did you know that the psychological “fight or flight” response is more accurately called “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn”? I think it comes as no surprise to those of us who (sadly) know them all too well that the Westons, having belatedly realized that they are in the presence of an apex predator, have gone the “freeze” route, hoping that if they sit very still and offer the most weaksauce and unrealistic excuses for not eating mushrooms imaginable, she’ll lose interest and wander off. The really sad thing is that the extremely on the nose Fatal Attraction reference is lost on Wilbur and Dawn, since they’re both philistines whose media diets consist of watching old Evander Holyfield fights on YouTube and “clean eating” influencer content on TikTok that comes right up to the edge of promoting anorexia without violating the terms of service, respectively.

Intelligent Life, 6/2/25

Speaking of philistines with terrible media diets, this strip would’ve been a good opportunity to name some of the movies, comics, conventions, or cartoons that are coming out in 2025, but instead Intelligent Life decided to simply … not? I guess what’s giving Mike life is not the movies or comics themselves, but just the reassurance that this particular form of cultural and economic production will continue at least through the end of the year.

Andy Capp, 6/2/25

Was it Cappverse canon before this point that Andy has a big juicy booty? If not, it is now, and I for one am not complaining.