Post Content

Mary Worth, 5/29/26

Oh, I guess I haven’t really mentioned that Tommy and Dawn are falling in love or whatever. You know how last week I was like “Why does Dawn, who as far as I can remember has never really interacted with Tommy before, have such beef with him?” Well, I think the Mary Worth creative team learned about the concept of an “enemies-to-lovers arc” and decided to do one with Dawn and Tommy and then realized they had to make them enemies first. Or at least make Tommy an enemy to Dawn. Tommy would never view anyone as an enemy! He’s too pure! He’s like a golden retriever, if a golden retriever completed a 12-step program!

Gil Thorp, 5/29/26

In other soap opera romance news, it turns out that Gil’s hot younger fiance is secretly a nerd who doesn’t have any friends, and is currently speed-running a gender-swapped version of the beloved 2009 bromantic comedy I Love You Man. She’s trying to rope Coach Cami into being one of her bridesmaids and honestly? It’s not going well! Cami doesn’t look like she’s having fun at all!

Dennis the Menace, 5/29/26

I think the joke here is that Dennis is proposing that he could “play” the cassette tape like it’s a harmonica? But it kind of just looks like he’s going to eat it, which is frankly much funnier. And menacing, too!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/29/26

“I had really forgotten how difficult working a regular job is, ha ha. Anyway, turns out my fan base still loves me, so I can probably go back to being a celebrity now. Smell ya later!”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 5/23/26

I’ve given it a bit of thought and I’ve come to the conclusion that “The condo board agreed we can create a supplemental food supply for residents!” is the most insane way to say that you’ve gotten approval to plant a vegetable garden. “Our wise board recognizes that the Strait of Hormuz crisis will merely accelerate the ongoing collapse of our civilization, dependent as it is on cheap fuel to connect far-flung producers and consumers,” Mary says. “Soon we’ll require local sources of calories for those lucky enough to be inside the Charterstone walls. All hail the board!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/23/26

“And the attention’s never going to waver! I’ve already developed a new business plan that assumes that every day from now on will see as many customers as today, and I’ve taken out a massive loan to fund it.”

Crankshaft, 5/23/26

“Just imagine if I had tried building a strip around some old dipshits hanging around a diner talking in terrible puns to one another. Can you imagine how unreadable that would be?”

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 5/20/26

Somehow, this extremely long golf match that has pitted Gil and his ex Mimi against one another in a battle of golfing coaching acumen is still happening, but I have to say I really enjoy the sequence today. In panel one, Mimi and Anthony McKee flash thumbs-ups at each other: “Remember, you’re not going to fuck up this time, right?” “Right!” Panel two: Anthony fucks up. Panel three: “Whoopsie! Sorry I fucked up!” Only Gil can get away with this coaching technique, Mimi.

Pluggers, 5/20/26

I was going to do a “Ha ha, it’s funny…” bit here, but you know what? It’s not funny at all! Due to old age and ill health, pluggers’ mobility is in decline, and they haven’t taken measures that will allow them to live safely in their own home. Don’t be like pluggers! Stay in shape as long as you can, and be aware of your limitations before it’s too late!

Mary Worth, 5/20/26

“Anyway, thank God she’s in a normal, healthy relationship now with me, a guy who can’t distinguish between ‘my girlfriend is in another city’ and ‘my girlfriend dumped me!’”